Finding Strength

Taking The Time

2009-10-02T15:09:00.000-07:00

I have been dreaming about this blog and thinking about it for the past few weeks. Life seems to just fly by and the days blur together and I don't seem to have the time to sit and collect my thoughts. Even as I type, my daughter is singing a made up song about "razzle, razzle, dazzle" and banging a pen on a metal pan, occasionally inserting solos from her new "monica" (harmonica). Such is my life lately- and I love it. I used the majority of her nap time today to send out emails and take care of business for my calling at church but was hoping to get this post written before she woke up. However, things didn't go according to plan (like they EVER do, anyway), and I am being seranaded while I try to collect my thoughts.

But, I guess this kind of goes into my thought for day anyway, which I must add I am going to try to make quick, because I'd be COMPLETELY contradicting my point if I sat here for hours ignoring my child, to blog.

I realize not everyone has my everyday life, but lately it could be summized by one word. Kids. First of all, I have one--a very rambuctious, energetic, lively one under my watch 24-7. I also have one inside me, literally, and that consumes many of my thougths as well. Not to mention my 10 piano students during the week, park time, play dates, etc. So, my life is consumed with kids stuff. Kids schedules, kids shows, kids talk, etc. AND I LOVE IT!

Sometimes though, I don't take the time often enough to love it. To think about it and to think about why I love it. Let me back track into what got me thinking about this topic:

Once upon a time (Wednesday), in a far away land (daughter's bedroom), I was in between piano lessons and needing for a very cranky toddler to take a nap. Of course, she was tired and so she did need a nap, but I also had my own personal agenda on the line. I NEEDED HER TO SLEEP--I had two piano lessons following her and I couldn't risk, in her current condition of crankiness, for her to not be soundly asleep upstairs. So, I rushed her upstairs laid her down and immediately ordered for her to, "Relax and go to sleep...". Anyone who knows a toddler, knows that this is not something they just do immediately upon resting their head on their pillow. There are songs to sing, fingers to be turned into little imaginary people to play with, and a mirrored closet to practice your synchronized swimming moves in front of. As I lay there on her floor, frustrated and barking commands for her to be quiet and go to sleep (please don't think bad of me---I was stressed out), all the sudden I looked up at her big hazel eyes, as she said, "I'm sorry, Mommy. Don't be mad at me", and I felt an overwhelming compassion for this little one. Her Daddy and I are her life-her everything, and when we are upset with her, who else is there to turn to? I could see in her face that she was really upset that I was upset , and trying to rectify it by giving me a big cheesy smile, stroking my face saying, "Don't be sad, Mommy."

I decided to just give her the same courtesy she gave me to calm me down. I kissed her, told her I loved her, and knelt beside her bed and stroked her cheek, just like I used to when she was a tiny baby. Without exaggeration, within 30 seconds, her chest was rising and falling, her breathing was deep and she was out. Fast asleep. From hyperactive to comatose in 30 seconds.

The experience touched me so deeply and I immediately felt such a gratitude for the power that I have as a mother...as a woman. All she needed was my comforting touch, to know that I loved her and was willing to take the time for her. To focus on JUST her, no other agenda. It made me realize that, while life can get so crazy, stressful and hectic, that the blessings are immense.

It made me think of Sister Barbara Thompson's talk for the General Relief Society Meeting this last Saturday (which, I watched via the amazing internet on Sunday morning). The general topic for her talk was not necessarily related, but it made me think of something she said. She was talking about how all her life she dreamed of graduating college, finding a handsome husband, having four perfect children, her husband making a large income to support her staying home with her children, as well as leaving time for serving in her church and community, while staying active in the Gospel. These were her lifelong dreams. But as you may know, Sister Thompson never married, and while she has accomplished much in her vocation and schooling, many of her dreams didn't come true. But one thing that she said that hit home for me, was that the most important dream did come true, staying active in the Gospel, and how it has made all the difference.

I burst into tears as I thought about both of our dreams. They were/are very similar. I realized that I am living out most of my dreams... and hers. What she probably wouldn't give to lull her sleeping child off to sleep. What she wouldn't do to join in a harmonica, pots & pans, "razzle, razzle dazzle" song.

And I realized, I need to TAKE THE TIME. Take the time to enjoy my life, enjoy my blessings and realize that each and everyday, as I wake up to take care of my family and rear them in this Gospel, that I am living my dream.

Come On, Get Happy!

2009-07-09T09:10:00.000-07:00

I don’t know if I truly recognized the beauty of the earth and our surroundings until I moved to the top of a hill. Something up here is so fresh—it must be the air, we must get it first since we are higher. Haha. I mostly recognize this on one particular walk we take in one of the most beautiful neighborhoods I’ve ever seen. The greenery is plush, the homes are beautifully landscaped and the lake is visible from certain areas. It’s breathtaking—(in more than one way…like I said, it’s a hill. There is uphill climbing involved).

It was on a particular walk one evening when I realized just how happy I am with my life. I looked at my husband and child, I looked at our beautiful earth, I thought about all of the circumstances of our lives and families and felt so incredibly blessed. I turned to my husband and I just said, “I am so happy with our life.” He concurred on this thought of mine and I started thinking about our lives together over the past five years and all of our different circumstances.

We started out in an apartment, went to living with parents, to a small home, to a larger home. We went from me having a corporate job, to working in the family business, to me not working at all. We went from Marc having a hard labor position, to no job, to coaching football, to part time, to full time student, to part time worker/part time student…to full time provider working 50+ hour weeks. We’ve gone from junker cars to nicer cars. From money , to no money, to some money, to money and so on. We’ve become parents, lost a beloved pet, been through a miscarriage and had countless other circumstances that have made our life interesting and exciting.

And as I thought about all of these things, I do remember times of sadness…times where we weren’t sure how we’d make it through a particular trial in life, but ultimately what I remember is just being happy. Continuing on our walk, on this beautiful evening, it dawned on me that the key to being happy isn’t your surroundings, your things, your circumstances, but it’s CHOOSING to be happy with whatever it is you’ve got. My husband and I discussed this and did agree that being happy with your current situation, does not mean that you have to settle as though you’ve reached a final checkpoint. One of the things that we share in common is that we both constantly look toward the future with hope and collectively work hard towards our goals. BUT, we have refused to live our lives saying, “Well, when ‘THIS’ happens, we can be happy.” I’ve noticed that when that is said, usually, God wants you to learn to live happily without it, before He will bless you with it.

If we are constantly looking around at what we don’t have instead of seeing the blessings of what we do, what makes us think that God is going to give us more to just turn our noses up at and neglect?

I’m so grateful for the happy life I lead. There are definite trials that we face on a day to day basis, but I see so much goodness that I am blessed with that outweighs any bump in the road.
Happiness is not an emotion, it’s a choice. I looked up the definition of happiness- it’s stated as “a state of well-being and contentment” . I started thinking about the word “contentment” and so I looked up the definition of content—“feeling or showing satisfaction with one's possessions, status, or situation.” I think this further concludes that happiness is a choice.
And this is something that God wants us to feel-- "Men are, that they might have joy" (2 Nephi 2:15, 25).

Make the choice to be happy today. You deserve to have joy in your life.

I kept meaning to write this post...

2009-06-23T16:08:00.000-07:00

I need an intervention.

I just had this epiphany today...I am a procrastinator. See, I knew I procrastinated. Most of the population probably does to an extent. But, the epiphany today was that I don't just procrastinate--I am a procrastinator. And it was like once I admitted it to myself, the evidence came rushing in as if a dam had just broken in the "I'll Do It Tomorrow" section of my mind.

For example:

*I look at blogs or read emails or facebook messages--spend sometimes hours on the computer, and get off having never responded to emails or messages or commented on one blog post, let alone blog anything on my own blog. I think to myself, "I'll comment later. I'll write them back tomorrow." And before I know it, it's been weeks. (p.s. Jenny--you know I love ya girl...and really, I'm going to respond one day. And we're going to get together one day...And I loved your last comment-it made me feel special, thank you. I've been MEANING to get back to you and tell you that.)

*I screen my phone calls...but for no real reason. (Sometimes... not all the times friends, so please don't get offended if you call me and I don't answer. I don't want the general assumption to be that I am ignoring your call.) I do have reasons at times, like being preoccupied or on another line or grocery shopping, but sometimes I just panic of having something else to think about or do that I just procrastinate that call. I say, "I'll call back later." The same is done with phone calls that need to be made. I put them off far longer than they should be.

*Sleeping longer in the morning because I stayed up late at night. I have been wanting to change this habit for quite some time but every morning, my half asleep self says, "Heck no...I'm tired. You kept me up until after midnight."

*House cleaning-now, I have a generally clean house. In fact, if you were to walk into my house you would think it was tidy and neat. Which it is, but there are certain things that REALLY get put off. Filing bills. Deep cleaning showers. Organizing the toy room.

*Taking care of business- I still have all of my Roadshow Receipts to turn in (probably $300 to $400 worth that I could be reimbursed for) and bags of stuffed animals ward members loaned to me, that I still haven't returned. I work well under timelines, but then when there is "no real rush"...I can't seem to get my butt in gear.

I literally, could go ON and ON! I definitely won't because I think I've made my point sufficiently and believe that I've probably made myself look like a major loser too...so we'll leave it at that.

Now that I've realized and admitted to my problem, I have to come to terms with how I feel about it. And the consensus with that, is that it makes me unhappy. I hate feeling unaccomplished- and the more I put off, the more is actually on my plate. If I took the tasks little by little, I know that it would make my life much less stressful.

So, I looked up some information on how to deal with procrastination and thought I'd share, just in case I'm not the only one just realizing they've been in the Procrastination Closet and is poking my head out in shame and trying to face reality.

This was from a Q&A section of the Liahona Church Publication back in 1993:

“I have a real problem with procrastination. I leave assignments unfinished, goals unmet, and promises unkept just because I don’t start things on time. I don’t mean to let people down. I just can’t seem to make myself get going. What can I do?”

Our Answer:

Procrastination is a habit that can be broken. First, you have to make the decision to change. Next, take the problem to your Heavenly Father. If you pray sincerely, he will give you the guidance and support you need to make the change. Then act on what you need to accomplish.

Here are some suggestions you might find helpful:
• Make a daily list of projects and check them off as you finish each one. Be sure to write down assignments when you get them. Carrying a small calendar might be helpful.
• Start with your most difficult task, or the one you like the least. The rest of your work will seem easy by comparison.
• Break down large and intimidating projects into smaller ones. Then do each one step by step.
• Reward yourself when you follow through with your projects. After you’ve completed an especially difficult project, schedule some time to relax.
• Make a game of finishing difficult or unpleasant tasks. Tell yourself, “I will work as hard as I can for twenty minutes.” When you stay focused on finishing something quickly, you’ll get more done.
• Remove distractions from your workplace. Keep food, televisions, magazines, telephones, and other temptations out of your way. ( I will add COMPUTERS AND INTERNET to update this from 1993.)
• Don’t procrastinate because you are afraid your project won’t be perfect. It is better to meet deadlines by making your best effort—even if the results aren’t perfect.
• Set realistic goals for yourself, and remember to be flexible.
• Don’t accept more projects and assignments than you can handle. If you agree to do something, do everything you can to follow through. Don’t say yes to someone if you have no intention of following through with the task.
• Set priorities and pace yourself.
• Make the commitment to change your habit of procrastination. The Apostle Paul counseled, “Whatsoever ye do, do it heartily” (Col. 3:23). Put enthusiasm into the many tasks you have to face and carry them out with a happy attitude. You don’t need to plan every minute of the day. Allow yourself free time and some fun, too.

The last part is my favorite. I want to know that what I'm doing in my life I'm doing "heartily" and carrying them out with a happy attitude. I also love that it's okay to allow yourself free time and fun. There is an undeniable happiness that comes with accomplishment. I think on days that we feel like slugs, it's natural for a bit of a bad mood to follow it. Then, you are in a bad mood and you have all of these tasks and duties around you that overwhelm you.

So, my goal is to work on my problem--to pray for guidance and motivation to overcome my challenge and to not procrastinate making this change any longer!

If you have any tips on how you accomplish your every day tasks on time and with a happy attitude, you're wisdom is always helpful and appreciated.

Lost and Found

2009-06-20T00:24:00.000-07:00

I can't sleep-which is so unlike me. It's not normal for me to be blogging at 12:24AM. I left my nice cozy spot next to my sweetheart because my thoughts are just swimming around annoyingly in my head. They won't really leave me alone. Maybe if I let them roam freely for a few minutes, they will subside and let me sleep. (And maybe none of this will make sense, but you can blame that on the hour.)

So, I don't watch the news-like ever. I don't know if its a good or a bad thing, but mainly I get my news from two places. Facebook updates from friends who DO watch the news...or my hubby. A lot of times it's sad or negative. No one really talks too much about the good stuff-there may be a segment or two here and there, but normally it's not talked about as much. I just went to the Sac Bee website to check out the latest headlines, just to even see if their was good news-and really didn't find ANY. I found unimportant neutral news-about Sports or upcoming events at the White House, etc., but nothing particularly happy or good. (However, there was something about a study being donw that has shown pot smoke to cause cancer...and while cancer is DEFINITELY not good news, maybe it will be an eye opener to stop people from smoking it...haha. Insert sarcasm.). Anyway, my point with this is that sometimes I feel like it's literally DOOMSDAY! Now, don't call me Chicken Little or anything. The sky is falling-but it's been falling for centuries...the problem is, I think WE are causing cracks in the foundation that gives the sky no other choice but to cave in on us.

I say 'we' because I include myself. I'm human and I make dumb decisions. Decisions that maybe don't effect the world now, but I think could potentially contribute to the downfall of society. Sometimes, I honk at people in traffic when I really didn't need to for an emergency purpose (which is actually what it is designed for--it's not designed as a car's voice box to cuss out a person who cuts you off, believe it or not). Sometimes I say things I shouldn't say. Sometimes I treat my loved ones in not so loving ways. Sometimes I feel like I show a bad example to my daughter by losing my temper. We ALL do dumb things. It's human nature to screw up. But, what I USED to think went a long with that human nature was a sense of remorse-a sense of feeling sorrow for the wrong doing. A desire to change-to progress-to be better. Slowly, maybe even as slowly as one by one, it seems it's changing. Remorse is being replaced by justification. Feelings of sorrow or grief are being replaced by a sense of entitlement. And now, instead of a world working towards progression, it seems like selfishness is running rampant and we are all out there doing what we can to "get ours" and step on whoever we have to, to get there without even a second thought as to how our actions affect others--or how their ultimately affecting who we are.

My husband told me the other day that Korea wants to bomb Hawaii on the 4th of July--how they are planning to test nuclear missiles against U.N. Regulation; basically an "I don't care what the world says, we are taking this into our own hands" attitude. I, naively asked him, "Why don't they like us?" Which led to him educating me on all the different countries and our relationships with them and so on and so forth (I love my history buff!). And again, I naively asked, "Don't they realize that killing people doesn't really solve anything?" Like, really, why CAN'T we just have world peace. The answer?? POWER/MONEY-which is essentially the exact same thing. People cause wars-not countries. Powerful people. Selfish people.

And the wars don't end there. There are wars waging all around us. Wars within the walls of homes. Within families. And to me, this is the scariest war of all, because THIS is where it all begins. This is where the very beginning of the war starts and people are molded into who they will become. If we are not teaching our children accountability, consequence, love, remorse, humility and right from wrong, no one will. Period.

I look around and I see things today that I never would have dreamed possible. I see things around me that are keeping me up worrying late at night. (Hence...this post.). And I'm scared...I'm scared that we are all so susceptible. One swift move and we are within the grasp of a darkness that we won't even know hit us until we're enveloped. And it seems no one is safe.

My husband and I went to the temple the other night and I felt safe and reminded. I felt reminded that there is a purpose to this life. There is a reason to live righteously. There is a reason that I have chosen the life I lead. That reason is to return to live eternally with God and with my family. Heaven.

I was reminded of all of this and I was also sad. I was sad that I couldn't just wrap us all up in that warm blanket of safety that I was feeling. I was sad that I had to leave the walls of that temple to face an unsafe world. I was sad to think that I felt more unsafe because of the light that I've seen burn out of some that have once illuminated my life and inspired me-than because of the impending nuclear bomb that had been threatened on our country.

And what made me feel strengthened within these fears is knowing that I have the power within me to choose where I stand. The only weapon I truly hold is my convictions-and if all else fails, I know what I stand for. I will not justify otherwise. Mistakes are made-but I am not entitled to my fair share just because others may have done me wrong or done worse than I. Life is uncertain-but I do not have to be.

I think of our Lord-I think of how He knows us all personally. We all have a personal relationship with him, whether we realize it or not. Some of us are closer in that relationship than with any other. Some of us are lost and the contact is infrequent or non existent. But, the relationship is there. And you and I-- or the leaders of Korea, or the Taliban, or Britney Spears, or your next door neighbor, or the child in Africa who has never been taught of His existence in the first place--we are all special to Him. He knows us all by name and is searching for us to be safely gathered in.

This is one of my favorite Greg Olsen pictures. It's called, "Lost and Found". I feel comforted in knowing that no matter how lost we have been, we can be found if we want to be. Because, He never stops searching.

"I will seek that which was lost, and bring again that which was driven away, and will bind up that which was broken, and will strengthen that which was sick’ (Ezek. 34:16)."

"The Savior’s example of going the extra mile to find His lost sheep is evident throughout the scriptures. “What man of you, having an hundred sheep, if he lose one of them, doth not leave the ninety and nine and go into the wilderness after that which is lost, until he find it?” (Joseph Smith Translation, Luke 15:4). The Good Shepard knew when one of His sheep was missing: “He numbereth his sheep, and they know him” (1 Ne. 22:25), “and he calleth his own sheep by name” (John 10:3).

He went “into the wilderness,” which at times has been defined as “a confusing multitude or mass” (Merriam-Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary, 11th ed. [2003], “wilderness,” 1432), and He searched for that which was lost.We are not told how long it took the Good Shepherd to find the lost sheep or if others helped in the search, but we do know that they “[knew] his voice” (John 10:4) and that He loved them. We also know that He did not give up, that He did “go … after that which [was] lost, until he [did] find it,” and that when He returned, the lost sheep was safely on His shoulders. And then He exclaims, “Rejoice with me; for I have found my sheep which was lost. I say unto you, that likewise joy shall be in heaven over one sinner that repenteth” (Luke 15:6–7)." Mervyn B. Arnold, “Strengthen Thy Brethren,” Liahona, May 2004, 46–48

I will not rest until I and my loved ones can be safely gathered in. I can't give up, for I know that the moment that I do, I will be lost. I feel strengthened and inspired by those who are looking everyday towards progression-to move forward in this life in goodness and faith.

For me, that faith is everything. For me, there is no other way to find everlasting peace and happiness than to be safely gathered in and numbered among the sheep of His fold.

Lazy

2009-06-12T10:51:00.000-07:00

I don’t know how many times I’ve sat and endured a headache or sneezed through a day of allergies, while I pass by the medicine cabinet on numerous occasions throughout the day. How easy it would be to simply open up the cabinet and relieve myself with some over the counter goodness that is meant to give relief. I obviously purchased it in the first case for such a purpose-I have faith in the products and have even had faith promoting experiences of said medications and their remedy. Then why, when I have the answer in my medicine cabinet do I suffer through the pain or itchy red eyes?

Plain and simple…I’m lazy.

I’m pretty sure I’ve written about this at one point or another-the fact that I’m lazy sometimes. But, considering it’s probably been at least six months, and it’s on my mind, I probably need to re-address the topic to my lazy self.

So, this post is not necessarily about Advil or Zyrtec (nor is it a medicine ad but just in case you were wondering, those are my drugs of choice for such symptoms). More so, it’s a spinoff of my thought from the other day about the difference” the little things” make in life. The simple steps that we side step out of laziness or business or whatever else it may be, even though we have the faith AND multiple faith promoting experiences that such steps and practices would significantly relieve us of ailments in our lives.

I’ll start with the not-so-spiritual steps. For me, one of these is EXERCISE. Oh, I just feel SO much better after a good work out. The days that I skip this “me-time”, I feel a significant difference in my mood and energy level . Plain and simple, exercise does a body and mind good. A fact we all know yet are too lazy to take action upon. Myself included.

Another “little thing” that helps me feel better through my day is accomplishing small tasks- paying a bill, folding a load of laundry, emptying the dishwasher or simply replacing the empty toilet paper roll. I know these sound silly, but some days I swear I just put off every little thing and let them pile up around me. Then, it’s a feeling of not only laziness and procrastination, but being OVERWHELMED because now instead of doing a small task, you have to spend hours on end undoing damage that could have been easily avoided.

On to the spiritual steps. Last week, I took a morning where I woke up early. I decided that I was going to stay up after sending my husband off to work and study my scriptures. I prayed, I read and before I knew it, an hour went by. That day, was an amazing day- I even went to Winco with a two year old, bagging and lugging all my own groceries yet I had a skip in my step and a smile on my face. The thing that made it amazing was my attitude, my countenance; I was genuinely filled with the Spirit. Since that day, I have slept in. Since that day I’ve let other things get in the way of doing that “little thing” and guess what? I’ve been in a crappy mood at some point almost every day. Now it’s almost worse than before, because I know the remedy and I’m being too lazy to do it.

I've been in this place before- and I pretty much hate that place. Yet, who put me there? Me. And who can get me out? Me.

Now, I just need to walk over to the medicine cabinet (the bookshelf) and grab my remedy (my scriptures) and start my day out right with the best medicine.

Just what the doctor ordered.

Fell off the wagon...

2009-06-10T17:14:00.000-07:00

Hey! It's me...it's really me. Some of me is old, some of me is new, some of me is borrowed, some of me is blue (not the color...just the emotion sometimes.)

I kind of ditched this blog. In fact, I was literally actually hiding from it...and I was trying to kind of hide it from the world too. I almost deleted it...again (why is that always a temptation?). I even moved the link on my own blog to the very bottom of my page to kind of hide it. I think I'm going to leave it there for a little while...just to give me some space to breath. I like the idea that maybe I'm only writing to myself or a few loyal readers. The idea of lots of people reading and analyzing my thoughts still kind of freaks me out...not that I ever had that many readers in the first place, but I'm okay with this fact. More than okay with it.

Because as I've mentioned in many a post, this blog was more an outlet for ME than anything else. And to be honest, I've been M.I.A from this blog for the past four months for a number of reasons. I got kind of "blogged-out"...the blogging bubble deflated a little and I was like "eh, whats the big deal?" Also, I've gone through a very uncreative period in my life. I haven't felt particularly witty or thoughtful or intellectual- therefore, I didn't feel the need to blog my daily thoughts of : "Life is good...it is what it is. I am happy. The end." This is the extent of how I felt most everyday- just good. Somedays were great, some weren't...but it was life.

So, let me tell you why I'm back...nothing great or bad happened to make me resume blogger life from my little hiatus, but I did notice the "little things". ( Isn't that always the case?? How many times have we heard the phrase- 'It's the little things...'?) I noticed a lull in productivity during my day. I noticed I had less of a "routine". I noticed that I wasn't thinking very deeply anymore. Mostly just on Sundays. :) I noticed that all the things I had written about previously "patience, humility...etc." crept back in my life to a point that I just didn't feel as, well...strong. I guess the "Finding Strength" thing only works if you keep looking for it. Otherwise, it should be called "Losing Strength"- and I think that would be a VERY depressing topic for a blog indeed.

This is why I'm back- because I really enjoyed the personal reflection time...and I can't say I even know how often it will be. It may be four hours, it may be four months- in between posts. But, I know that for me, it will be here when I need it. When I was more religious about blogging, I looked forward to it. I actually woke up early to devote the time to it- which set the tone for my day. I actually studied the topics and learned each morning, to which I began the day with a skip in my step, instead of a groggy, cranky mom moping around the house in my pajamas unhappily marching to the demands of my two year old to get her, her "waffle and choca milk".

Basically, I pretty much liked myself better when I was a Finding Strength blogger- just because I knew I was devoting time to working on myself to make myself a better person. To sit back and pretend like that kind of progression doesn't matter to me, is denying the obvious.

Hmmm-well, let's do a gut check. Do I feel better about myself yet? A little more accomplished today? And the poll says-"uh-yeah, sure." Better than nothing.

Now on to my next accomplishment for the day-making dinner for my family. Sustenance is strength-finding strength in my freezer in the form of frozen turkey meatballs and pasta counts too.

See you soon...

Not On My Watch

2009-01-28T09:59:00.000-08:00

Quick thought of the day:

"The first principle of the gospel is faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. Faith means trust—trust in God's will, trust in His way of doing things, and trust in His timetable."
Dallin H. Oaks, "Timing," Ensign, Oct. 2003, 12

So often, we are so busy trying to make things happen for us, conveniently on the time table that we would like for things to happen, that we forget to have faith and trust in the Lord. There have been many times in my own life and in the lives of those I love that I have wondered, "Why has this not happened yet?" or "Why is this happening now?" At the time, it feels like a different outcome or scenario would be much more welcomed into our busy lives and that if things just ran smoothly according to OUR plan, life would be great!

Problem is, we dont' know the big picture. In the "Grand Scheme" of things, the Lord has the full view. We have but a tiny fraction of knowledge living in the present. We can hope for the future, we can plan for the future, but ultimately, we don't know exactly what will happen.

I was having a conversation with my friend a week or so ago. She is moving soon and we were talking about the housing market and buying a house. We agreed on how scary of a purchase it is to buy a house and one of us (can't remember who, we think so much alike) said something about how we can't imagine how people make decisions without first praying about them and consulting the Lord. Truly, I feel like if I did not have the faith to first ask the Lord and second trust him, I would not have so many of the blessings I have in my life and that I would probably be on a completely seperate path than I am on right now.

I thought I wanted to be married many times before I actually found the right one and GOT married. Thank HEAVENS for the Lord's plan and HIS timing!

At a time when I feel as though my life is blessed and at a good place, I know it is easy to say "trust in the Lord's timing". In times of trial is when we experience doubt and fear. I can't say that I've ALWAYS been able to see the big perspective amidst trying circumstances that have left me praying, "Why me? Why right now? Why can't it just work out?" It's a constant learning process to trust in the Lord and the process in which He guides us.

Each trial we are given is a refiners fire. Each time we put things into His hands and let Him guide us where He would have us go, we are strengthening our will to withstand the trials that come in this life. Because then we know...we know beyond a shadow of a doubt, that He will say, "I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you." John 14:18

And with that faith and trust in Him, there is no need to fear. "Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." John 14:27

Why Did I Start This Blog Again?

2009-01-17T19:37:00.000-08:00

Back in August or so when I started this blog...I had reasons. I know I did....

....and those reasons were....

Wait, hang on. It's coming back to me. Okay...got it.

Sorry-got sidetracked from the point of this blog for a little bit.

This blog was the product of a personal search within myself. Hence, "FINDING STRENGTH WITHIN"! We had made some pretty big changes in our lives all at once, went through some trials and I was in one of those "re-vamping my spiritual routine" modes. If you are Mormon-or really any kind of devout member of a religion, you know what I mean. You know that we all go through our little phases. A "funk"...if you will; where we are REALLY good at something for a while and life is good, great, grand...and then, for some unbeknownst (I know thats a word and I also know that's not how you spell it. Whatever) reason, we stop or slack off. Well, this blogwas a way for me to use something I love (writing) to express something I love (the Gospel) and use it to share and receive that strength through others that may come across my humble little scribble. At the beginning, it was something I woke up and couldn't wait for. Everyday had a spiritual thought and opening to it; a little daily devotional and even if it was just for me and no one even read my musings, it didn't matter. It was so that I could remind myself of the strength that I have and can find through searching myself and the blessings of the Gospel.

Then, I entered the "High School" phase of my blogging experience. I started comparing myself to other cooler blogs. You know the kind. The kind where other blogs want to be like them, sound like them, wear the same cool background and layout as them. The kind that get hundreds of comments. The "Homecoming Queen" blog. The "Quarterback of the Football Team" blog. (Funny story- I married the quarterback and one of my best friends was the homecoming queen...nothing against the cool kids. I love them.) But anyway, I started thinking no one cared. Sure, I had friends that commented at first. My dad would say, "Hey, I read your blog. That was a nice post." Then it all kind of died down. And then I felt like no one wanted to sit at my table in the lunchroom.

Okay, okay...before you either feel bad and write a sympathy comment or judge me and think I'm a loser that I even cared- STOP-I'm SO not even saying that. I realized first of all, that again, that wasn't the point of this blog for me. I realized that because of my laziness with my blogging devotionals, I had stopped replenishing my supply of strength that I needed in the first place. I was the one that had left my own blog sitting alone in the lunchroom. I knew it was there. It was like my scriptures that sit on my night stand and sometimes don't get opened. I know they are there. I feel good that at least they are there, and not in a drawer somewhere NEVER getting opened, but really, what good does it do me to have them just sit there?

So then I contemplated deleting the blog. "I'll just write in my journal", I thought. (Although for some reason, typing up a blog seems a lot more free flowing then writing in a journal. Maybe because my hand gets tired from all the writing and because journals are so awkward to write in-seriously, whoever invented the spiral bound kind was a genious.) But then, after thinking about the journal, I decided to check my "Live Feed" down at the very bottom. It kind of monitors the traffic I get on my blog. And I realized, while my blog was being visited about as often as you visit the dentist, I was okay with that. I am okay with everyone coming in for their 6 month check up. Hey, at least we're all checking in on each other and sharing a little hope and strength, right?

Something I also realized, was that some people I don't know (and some people I do know) have linked my blog to theirs. (I love you by the way...that means so much to me. You don't even know). There are a handful of you that actually do care when I update my blog. Again...I really love you. I appreciate all of you-commenters or not. While I would love, love, LOVE to hear from you, that's not the point of it. It's not a popularity contest. It's not a judged paper. I don't need praise (or criticism-whichever is offered). My only favor I ask...is that if you have some insightful thought or spiritual strength you could share, spread the wealth. If not, feel completely free to continue to peruse as usual.

One last thing I noticed, was that my blog comes up on some of the COOLEST searches. People searching for "STRENGTH" PEACE"..."HOPE"..."LAUGHTER"..."LOVE"...etc. This feed thing actually shows what someone typed in to the search that led them to my blog. It made me realize that ALL different types of people, from ALL over the world, from I'm sure MANY different religions, all share the same desire. To find strength. Somehow. And so, if my blog is going to pop up on a search for someone that may need something that was written, maybe a quote I posted from a General Authority or something, why would I want to remove that tool? What would I do, if all the blogs and websites that I go to took it all away? Just because they felt insignificant.

And you know what, I may be totally insignificant in the eyes of the blogging world. I, am like, lowest on the totem pole of blogging, I'm sure. But I just realized tonight, that I DON'T CARE.

It's not for popularity. It's not to win the "BEST BLOGGER EVER" award. And it's not to be anything great to anyone. I would NEVER claim that anything I have to say has done anything remotely close to touching or changing someones life. But...one EVER knows how they may affect another.

For example, a very nice bystander at a make up counter stopped me today and said, "I'm sorry. This may sound really weird, but you have gorgeous skin." I almost cried. Especially because I had almost no face make up on and what seemed like pitch black circles under my eyes. It was such a touching thing for me that someone cared enough about a stranger to give them a kind compliment. She did not have to tell me that. She was not a salesperson...just a shopping bystander. She touched my life-even but for a small moment, in a small way. What if she hadn't said that? Yeah, life would be life...but she shared a little bit of her strength, with me. And it was inspiring.

So, I guess my point is, I'm gonna keep doing this. For me, mostly...and then after that, who knows. But whatever it is, I know that my intentions are to strengthen myself to be a better person and if some measly little thing I may write, or an awesome quote from someone great that I may post, makes someones day a little brighter, I am HONORED to have been a part of that.

To wrap it all up, thank you. Thank you if you are reading this. Thank you if you are just reading this for the first time. Thank you if you've read my blog before. Thank you for taking the time to share your strength with me by reading the things that are in my heart.

It means the world.

Today

2008-12-31T15:11:00.001-08:00

I'm sure you've all heard the saying, "Today is a gift, that's why it's called the present."

I truly believe this and that's why today, on the eve of a brand new year, I am choosing to refocus myself on working on things day by day. From my favorite quoting book, Stand A Little Taller:

"And now, Israel, what doth the Lord thy God require of thee, but to fear the Lord thy God, to walk in all his ways, and to love him, and to serve the Lord thy God with all they heart and with all they soul. ~Deuteronomy 10:12

'I don't worry too much about the future, and I don't worry very much about the past. The past is gone, and you can't change it, you can't correct it. The future, you can anticipate, but you can't necessarily do ver much about it. It is the present you have to deal with. Reach out for every good opportunity to do what you ought to do.' ~Gordon B. Hinckley "

Each and every new day comes with its opportunities. We must learn to grasp that time and use it wisely, because that is one thing that cannot be saved and cherished. It goes by so quickly that before we know it, it has been days, weeks, months and years...and all of lifes opportunities are passing us by. And while there is always another day, there is no time like the present. I quoted this already on my personal blog, but I love it, "Today is tomorrow."

I am grateful for each fresh new day that I am able to wake up and have life. I am grateful that I have the blessing of freedom and opportunity, that I can accomplish anything that I set my mind to.

So my challenge to myself...and anyone else who wants it, is to be grateful for each new day and make the best of it. Use it for good, use it to better ourselves, use it to touch the lives of others. Most importantly, as the scripture above states, spend each day walking in the ways of the Lord, loving and serving Him.

I hope you all have a fabulous New Year and make 2009 a year of love, joy, hope, peace...and fun!

Happy New Year!

Sanding the Layers

2008-12-19T20:27:00.000-08:00

I took on a project...rather cockily, I might add. I was told while planning the project by a few different people (men) that I couldn't finish it in the time I wanted to.

Hmmm...we'll see about that one.

The aforementioned project was sanding down a painted table that was given to me, in order to restore it and have it match our living/dining area. My husband and I worked together to recover the chairs with some new fabric. That was the easy part.

On to the wood...I started with epoxy/paint stripping. P.S. That stuff REALLY stings when it touches your skin. I became an expert on the timing. It takes about ten seconds for the stinging to reach its high point and it stings at the high point for about ten seconds. Scratching, slapping, patting, shaking...etc., the area does not make it any better. You have to bear through the pain--or be smart enough not to keep getting it on yourself.

After stripping the paint and epoxy from the table and chairs, I started imagining a small side career in refinishing peoples old pieces of furniture. I mean, aside from the stinging spots all over, I was a pro after one day. ;)

The next day I started the sanding. My small side career turned into a "just for me and my family hobby" that I would take on every once in while. Maybe rummage some garage sales.

Then, I sanded....and sanded....AND SANDED. FOR DAYS! I could barely feel my hands after all of the vibration from the hand sander and was about ready to through it across the room on day 4 or 5.

ENTER MY RANDOM FOOD FOR THOUGHT...
Now, you may start wondering where in the heck I drew up these thoughts from this project, but you have to understand, when you are sanding for days on end, hours and hours a day, you have a lot of time to think about wood, (especially when you are blowing sand-dust out of your nose).

I started to think about how in the scriptures it talks about how to become more like Christ, we must become more like a little child. Meek. When you are a little child, you are stripped pretty bare to the bone. There aren't layers and layers and years of years worth of coating and protection. Much like this wood I was trying to restore back to it's newborn state, we put layers and layers atop ourselves to make us look better or protect us, as is human nature.

Whilst amid this project, I had a discussion with my husband and I realized that instead of letting him hear the bareness of my soul, I was coating it with layers of protection. Instead of things he was saying "soaking into my soul" or bare wood, it was bouncing off the layers I had put on. Layers such as pride and insecurity that made me easily provoked or offended and left me unable to humble myself and deaf to the things that he was saying.

Then I thought about that darn table and chairs. How frustrated I was with whoever had painted that table OVER and OVER without ever sanding it down. Without ever taking the proper care and preparation to restore it. It made it so much more difficult for me to accomplish my task, because no matter how deeply I sanded, I could not get to the root of my problem.

I realized in that discussion with my husband, that I did not want to be a stubborn, layer-coated table and chairs. I want to learn what I need to learn and protect and shield myself from those things that may harm or taint my body or soul, but I do not want to put on layers of unnecessary crap for people in my life to try to sand through. It's unfair and gosh darn it, it's annoying as all heck. Don't believe me? Go try sanding a painted table.

While its not an overnight transformation and the project may take as long as my dining set, I feel confident that if I sand down my layers one at a time, I can become a better person and maybe a little more like my Savior.

Leave it to me to read WAY too much into a silly project, but I learned a lot from my little project.

And for those of you who care to know how it turned out...the plan was to sand it down and stain the wood a dark brown almost black wood color. After realizing that the table and chairs were made from two different woods AND that my endless sanding job still turned out to not be enough as the stain did not cover spots that still held paint, we ended up painting a LAYER of black.

So, please disregard the ending of my LITERAL story. It doesn't really fit with my ANALOGY....

...but you get my point, right? :)

And had I had to keep on sanding that puppy, there would have been a sander thrown through the wall.

P.S. Restoring will never be a career nor hobby for me. That dream ended shortly after day 2 of sanding began.

My Cup Runneth Over

2008-12-02T09:21:00.000-08:00

"When you are on your knees in prayer, there is an overwhelming feeling of gratitude to the Lord for the many blessings that he bestows on his children." ~L. Tom Perry

The past few weeks, I feel like the only place I should be is on my knees, in prayerful gratitude. My husband and I have had amazing experiences with fasting, prayer and the power of the priesthood, especially in the past few weeks. I have felt the Lord's hand in our lives, guiding and directing us.

Some days I wonder why I am so blessed in my life, as I feel undeservant...(and then I knock on wood). But, I've realized that the blessings that we recieve come with responsiblities. We must use those blessings to better our lives and the lives of others. We must be in tune enough to recognize when we are being blessed. And most importantly, we must show our gratitude to the Lord. When we make the choice to kneel in prayer and supplication to our Father in Heaven, the Spirit can more fully manifest to us just how truly blessed we are.

We just celebrated Thanksgiving, a holiday where we express the things we are most thankful for. We are entering into the "most wonderful time of the year", where it seems everyone is happy and in the mode of service and love. As I start to do my Christmas shopping and plan for the festivities, I am reminded of those who are less fortunate than I. There are some who didn't have a turkey and wonderful spread to eat on Thanksgiving. There are those that don't have anyone to spend the holidays with. There are even those who don't have anywhere to lay their heads on Christmas Eve. I am grateful that my husband and I have the ability to give our child and each other a Christmas. I am grateful that we have so much family in the area, that its not a matter of if we have somewhere to celebrate, its where and how we will divide up the time to be with everyone. I am grateful that I have the Gospel in my life to remind me of the reason for the season.

My list is endless, of the blessings the Lord has bestowed upon me. I will conclude with this...this season is the one time in the year where most of the world is united in a feeling of peace, happiness, joy and love. It's a time where everyone is giving of themselves to share the Spirit of Christmas with someone else. What better time then, to share of our blessings, in every capacity. Whether it be service, or friendship...an invite to a meal or party. A plate of cookies or serving at a shelter. Donated toys or clothes...singing a christmas carol or sending a card. The possibilities are endless. Most of all, let us share and emulate the love of Jesus Christ, who is the reason we celebrate this time of year. Let us show our family, friends and neighbors what makes us truly happy, not just in December, but the whole year through- The Gospel of Jesus Christ.

And before we lay our heads down to have "visions of sugar plums dancing in our heads"... let us kneel in gratitude and supplication, allowing the Spirit to remind us how truly blessed we are in our lives.

***I'd love to hear of some of your ideas of service and your families plans to "spread the Christmas cheer" this year. If you'd like to leave that in the comments section...we can all always use new ideas! Thanks!***

If I don't write about this, I may explode...

2008-11-11T18:53:00.000-08:00

I have read many a blog in the past week on this subject. For many who have read this blog, or this blog, or this blog, or just others like unto it, much of this will probably be repetitive. (girls...hope its okay I linked you...I was inspired by your posts).

I wasn't even going to touch on this subject. Mostly because it has been well said in so many places, that I don't feel I can add much to it, but if I don't write about this topic, I'm afraid I couldn't write at all right now. Because really, this has been whats on my mind the past week. So, touch on it, I must. At least just to get it out of my head and move on!

I live in California. A week ago today, Californians voted on a very important and controversial proposition.

8.

This number has come to mean so much in the past few months. An annoying coincidence that it happens to rhyme with the word HATE. It's given the opposing side to this proposition a catchy rebuttal for those of us who supported it.

We had been told that even if the proposition passed, that the battle would just be beginning. I had no idea what that meant, until the day after it passed and the insults hit the fan. They spewed every which way. The 52% of California that believed the union of "marriage" should be defined between a man and a woman, have now been called everything from "intolerant" to "bigots". Even more so, religions have been singled out for their support.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints...my church, has been the bulls-eye of the mud-slinging targets. Through efforts coordinated by its members and NOT its leadership, the members of our church donated money in support of the proposition directly to the cause, mostly via protectmarriage.com. None of the moneys raised came directly from the church. The money that was used was donated solely for that purpose by individuals and families. Unfortunately, this has been gravely misunderstood by the opposing view. Nonetheless, the strong backing for this proposition from my church, whether it be through volunteering time and energy, or speaking with our friends and neighbors, has angered No on 8 supporters.

Honestly, it's understandable. They were the opposition. Of course it would make them unhappy. This, I totally get.

What I don't get, is how people who have claimed that they are fighting against hate, intolerance and singling out of groups, have done just that as their rebuttal to the tight loss. Like my friend said on her blog, sings of "Stop the Hate" next to signs of "Mormons (or Catholics, or whatever) Suck!" is truly confusing.

And honestly, I completely sympathize with why they are upset. They feel that something that was important to them is taken away. They want to get what they voted affirmatively for. Unfortunately, for all of us, that is not the way it works. Not everything or everyone that I voted for passed or was elected. It is upsetting. I'm still very saddened that while chickens have the right to "get their exercise", the rights of unborn children are put into hands of teenagers who as my other friend said it, "can't legally get a Tylenol from school, but can have an abortion." However, it's a fight that I lost. And while I will continue to believe how I believe and vote the way that mirrors my beliefs, I have to respect that I live in America and a democracy in which I was outnumbered.

I don't expect opposing members not to fight. I expect that they will continue to stand up for what THEY believe in. Because I will continue to do the same.

However, I do not believe any feelings of frustration, disappointment, anger...whatever, warrant what has been happening to our sacred places of worship. Our buildings have been vandalized, our holy temple grounds trampled upon and barricaded with protesters. However, "peaceful" and "respectful" the protest, that is not the place, and it will never be respectful. There was a protest at the State Capitol recently. Great place for it, in my book.

Not the temple. Not our sacred houses of worship. First of all, because the Mormon vote made up 2% of the Yes vote, and secondly, because to me, that's like us coming to your bedroom where you make your private decisions about your sexual preference, and protesting what you believe to be right.

Nor do I believe the physical threats are warranted. It is not fair for people to say things like, "Mormon's better watch their backs." There are websites out there with very physical threats on different religions that have supported the proposition. This is no more okay than someone saying that "Gays or Lesbians or Bisexuals or Trans genders better watch their backs". Such threats, no matter the group or motive, is EVER okay. To quote the No on 8 slogan... "It's unfair. It's unnecessary. It's wrong."

I have love for people. I love a lot of people that I disagree with. There are lifestyle choices aside from sexual preference that I don't agree with, but I love the people nonetheless. I have many friends who do not agree with my religious views whatsoever. Some of them have even been members of my faith and chosen to leave, and yet, our friendships and love remain, despite the vast differences in our beliefs. We likely voted very differently this election, but we love and respect each other nonetheless. And that is the meaning of true tolerance. To be able to respect others for their beliefs, views and feelings...and respect the system. We can't reject the system of our government just because some things don't go in our favor. That is life. That is America. And we will keep on believing what we believe, and respectfully fighting for what we believe in.

I respect, that those who voted No on 8 will continue to fight for what they believe in. I only pray that they can respect me for fighting what I believe in.

I do realize though, that no amount of "Christian bloggers" is going to change anyone's mind on this. We need only stand tall for what we believe and continue to be respectful of others.

"Thou shalt not speak evil of thy neighbor, nor do him any harm."~ Doctrine and Covenants 42:27

President Gordon B. Hinckley said, "As a church, we are not without critics, some of whom are mean and vicious. We have always had them, and I suppose we will have them all through the future. But we shall go forward, returning good for evil, being helpful and kind and generous. Let us be good people. Let us be friendly people. Let us be neighborly people. Let us be what members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints ought to be."

Not only do we need to be respectful and understanding of others...to stand up and be examples of light and truth, but we must understand that opposition is part of this life.

Spencer W. Kimball- "No pain suffered by man or woman upon the earth will be without its compensating effects if it be suffered in resignation and if it be met with patience."

Concerning this quote, Lloyd D. Newell wrote this in his book, Come, Listen to a Prophets Voice, "While wrongfully imprisoned in Liberty Jail, the Lord taught the Prophet Joseph that followers of Christ are not promised freedom from tribulation but strength to endure all things: 'My son, peace be unto thy soul;thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high....All these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good' (D&C 121:7-8;122:7). Life is a school, and part of that education is hardship. Elder Spencer W. Kimball taught: 'Being human, we would expel from our lives, sorrow, distress, physical pain, and mental anguish and assure ourselves of continual ease and comfort. But if we closed the doors upon such, we might be evicting our greatest friends and benefactors. Suffering can make saints of people as they learn patience, long-suffering, and self-mastery. The sufferings of our Savior were part of his education."

So, although painful as it is to see the Gospel that I love, the buildings that I seek sanctuary in and the people that I worship with, under fire for standing up for our beliefs...that is what we will endure, because it is part of life. It is part of our education and we will be stronger for it.

And not only must we turn the other cheek, but we are required to forgive those who have trespassed against us...

"We cannot repent for someone else. But we can forgive someone else, refusing to hold hostage those whom the Lord seeks to set free!" ~Neal A. Maxwell

"It has been said that lack of forgiveness toward another is akin to consuming poison and waiting for the other person to die. Vindictiveness and hardheartedness stifle spiritual growth and happiness. On the other hand, nothing enlarges the soul more than genuine forgiveness and compassion. The Lord's directive is : 'Ye ought to forgive one another; for he that forgiveth not his brother his trespasses standeth condemned before the Lord; for their remaineth in him the greater sin. I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men'(D&C 64:9-10). The Lord who is perfectly merciful, knows our hearts as well as the hearts of every offender. And since we all walk imperfectly before the Lord, we all need mercy. If we wish to be forgiven and draw upon the Atonement, we must forgive. Forgiveness is the greatest gift we can give others- and ourselves."~Lloyd D. Newell

And with that, I understand why I personally needed to write this. I personally needed to understand that I need to forgive those that call me names and trample upon my beliefs. I will continue to stand up for what I believe and hope that we always have the freedom to live in a country where individual feelings and beliefs are still recognized, respected and allowed.

God bless all of us. As Americans, as people, as children of God, we are one in the same.

Forgetting to Remember

2008-11-04T12:49:00.000-08:00

I missed this blog. I missed it so much, that I kind of forgot to think about it. Not a good thing for me, which means right now I probably need it more than ever. For me, like I said when I started it, the blog was to reflect on my spirituality daily. It helped me to remember the things that are important and focus on those on a daily basis.

But, I am back...so thats a good sign for me.

Actually, things have just been a little out of the ordinary. My brothers best friend passed away two weeks ago, and I was very reflective at that point about the Plan of Salvation and life after death. Everytime I thought about writing a post, I came up very short in being able to express my feelings of gratitude for such a plan.

Also, we had a family vacation and a holiday and it seems every time I've felt like I want to sit down and reflect (a.k.a. write my blog) I've been distracted. And it's okay, because life happens. What's not okay, is that I don't feel like my mindset has been the same without my blog reflections. So, here I am today, picking back up where I left of, and feeling a surge of the Spirit roll over me like a wave.

Another distraction was my birthday...and for my birthday one of my sweet sister-in-law's gave me a Sheri Dew book. I LOVE Sheri Dew. I've read a number of her books and I really relate to her style of "straight-forward writing". The particular book I was given is called No One Can Take Your Place. My sister-in-law thought of me when she read the inside cover, she said. I can completely understand why. Let me pull a few lines for you,

"Have you ever wondered if you're doing what you're supposed to be doing with your life?...Or, like most of us, maybe you have those days when you just don't see how you'll ever measure up. (This book) will help you catch a glimpse of the power our Father in Heaven wants you to have. It will help you learn how to lay hold upon that power, how to overcome the temptations that stand in the way of your happiness, and how to shine as a leader in the world. It will help you understand who you really are...True happiness comes from doing what we were meant to do. This book will motivate you to find out what that means for you; it will also inspire you to carry out your unique work on the earth, for truly, no one can take your place!"

I would venture to say that I am not the only one that sometimes feels like a "face in the crowd", wondering just how she/he will affect the world. Sure, I understand that I am directly affecting my family and loved ones, but there are points in time where I wonder if I am truly fulfilling my mission here upon the earth. I try very hard to take each step in my life, following the guidance of the Spirit but there are those moments that I stop and think, "Am I where I am supposed to be? Doing what I am supposed to be doing?" I've only read the first few chapters of this book so far, but I am already grateful for the guidance and inspiration it has provided me.

Sheri talks about identifying our "God-given attributes we all have that we need to awaken within ourselves if we are going to do what we have been sent here to do- attributes such as faith, knowledge, obedience, purity, integrity, a clear sense of identity, and courage."

She then goes on to explain each attribute, why it is necessary and what we can do to recognize it within ourselves. I appreciated this list, and looked at it almost as a score card that I measured myself upon. I thought of the areas that I am doing pretty well in, and honed in on areas that I need to work on. Each area is vital and important and plays a part in recognizing our worth and importance in the sight of God, and as a messenger of His in these latter days.

As I mentioned above, the thing I love about Sheri Dew is how straight forward she is. She has been more straightforward in this book so far than I've noticed in any other book. When talking about the attribute, INTEGRITY, she sites a wonderful example of when the Lord asked Eve about what had happened when she was beguiled by Satan, ..."she immediately acknowledged what she had done and accepted the consequences. She didn't lie. She didn't pout. She didn't get defensive. She didn't blame Adam. What humility and integrity..."

For me, this shed a whole new light upon integrity. Most of us would not classify ourselves as "liars". Generally, I'd like to think we all tell the truth. But integrity is more than just truth...it is humility and willingness to take full responsibility for our actions. It is being transparent in our words, our actions, our intentions....everything, so as to not deceive.

Within this section she talks about Satan and shunning him"...like the snake that he is...". Here is where her straightforwardness really hit home for me...she said, "Forsaking Satan may mean changing things. It may require changing wardrobes or changing channels or changing attitudes or changing habits or changing lifestyles or even changing friends, because it's not possible to to sort of dress modestly or kind of tell the truth or act with integrity most of the time,or almost be morally clean. Nine percent tithing isn't tithing, it's a donation."

Whoa. That paragraph slapped me in the face. It doesn't matter in which "important areas" I have forsaken Satan. Yes, generally, I have forsaken him. But that is not good enough. Have I completely forsaken him? I would have to admit that with a resounding NO. I wish I could say that I have...but do I always change the channel when I need to? And this is just one small example. While we are not expected to be perfect we are instructed to progress towards perfection. Sheri wrote, "The object of this life is not to become perfect. Could we all just pledge to give that up once and for all! But it is to become increasingly pure, which will eventually lead to perfection."

Perfection almost seems too broad to even comprehend. It not only to me means free from sin, but also have I done all that I was meant to do? This is why I appreciate Sheri Dew's clarification of becoming increasingly pure, so much. It makes clear sense.

Webster's dictionary defines the word pure as this-

(1): unmixed with any other matter (My translation- of one purpose and focus).

(2): free from dust, dirt, or taint (My translation- sin)

Basically, pure is clean. Clean is understandable. Clean is a process...but clean is attainable.

Everyday will be a battle for it. If there is one thing I've learned, it's that everything I think I've learned, has to be applied everyday in order to maintain the affect. The Gospel isn't a video game where if you accomplish a certain level, that you've passed it on and no longer need to return to the basics of the game. Every day, these processes must be visited and built upon in order to continue to learn and progress.

The scary thing about forgetting...is that Satan loves to work with the forgetful. He has a way of keeping us from forgetting to remember that we forgot...(haha it makes sense if you think about it enough. )

I've spent more time recently forgetting than remembering. I am overwhelmed when I think of all of the blessings in my life that I so easily forget about and the Spirit that I feel when I am in a mode of gratitude and rememberance. I'm grateful for the opportunity to be reminded and renewed.

Because if I don't remember why I am here and what I am here to do, then what is the point?

Joy in the Journey

2008-10-14T06:34:00.000-07:00

Everywhere we go, we hear talk of change. A new president, either party promising change. Changes that hopefully will help our failing economy. Changes in our personal lives...our jobs, our relationships, our health, our financial status, our home...and the list could continue forever. Because there is nothing so constant in life, as is change.

Our current Prophet, President Thomas S. Monson spoke in our General Conference address last weekend about change. That is the inspiration for this post, as it has been on my mind since hearing him speak, and in the last few days numerous friends and family members have brought up this talk in conversation with me. I have been impressed that its something I really need to learn and understand.

President Monson said, "Throughout our lives, we must deal with change. Some changes are welcome; some are not. There are changes in our lives which are sudden, such as the unexpected passing of a loved one, an unforeseen illness, the loss of a possession we treasure. But most of the changes take place subtly and slowly."

Not one person is exempt from the inevitability of change. We are not alone in dealing with it...and we owe much of who we are, what we have and who we will become, to change. Without it, we could not learn and progress.

"Day by day, minute by minute, second by second we went from where we were to where we are now....Time never stands still; it must steadily march on, and with the marching come the changes." ~ President Monson

Each and every second...life is happening and if we think about how short this life really is, we would not want to waste any more of it. President Monson admonished, "Find joy in the journey- now."

He also quotes a line from the musical, The Music Man, “You pile up enough tomorrows, and you’ll find you’ve collected a lot of empty yesterdays.”

When I think of that line, it makes me think about how much of a procrastinator I can be. How often I tell myself, "One day." And how a lot of the time, that day has not come and probably will never come. Especially at my young age, I know I look toward the future a lot of the time to give me the things I wish for. And while I think it is wise to always be looking to the future and planning for things to come, we shouldn't be gazing off wistfully waiting for the future to happen. Before we know it, the future will be our past and we will have missed out on many of life's greatest gifts and treasures, looking for the ones we thought lay ahead for us in the future.

"There is no tomorrow to remember if we don’t do something today." ~ President Monson

Much of finding joy in our journeys has to do with learning from our past, but not dwelling on it. Especially upon things we cannot change. The other day I was looking at all of my daughters baby pictures. She'll be two next month...and I'm sad. I'll never have her as my little baby again. The thought brings tears to my eyes and I don't ever want to let her go. But, that change is inevitable. Dwelling on these unchangeable details will do nothing but cause me unnecessary sorrow. I need to relish in her adorable two-year-old-ness. I need to take advantage of my opportunities to teach her, love her, kiss her, hug her, cuddle her, read to her, play with her...etc. Because if I don't, I know I will blink and she will be 18 and ready for her own life.

Life is stressful. There is so much to think and worry about all the time. So much so, that a lot of the time we don't take the necessary opportunities to show love to others. Families pressed for time constraints due to extra curricular activities, meetings, homework, TV shows, etc... don't always take the time to have dinner with one another, talk and express the love they have for each other. While all of those things have their time and place in life, the importance of these relationships and the necessary time and effort needed to cultivate them, far outweighs any other obligations. Wrote William Shakespeare, “They do not love that do not show their love.” And President Monson added, "We will never regret the kind words spoken or the affection shown. Rather, our regrets will come if such things are omitted from our relationships with those who mean the most to us...Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved."

No one wants to feel the regrets of it being too late to share how you felt. Said author Harriet Beecher Stowe, “The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone.” If we can't find the time to find the joy in our relationships with our loved ones, nothing else we do in this life will be worth anything. It's like the parent who goes to work all day to support their family, yet exhausts themselves beyond a point of functioning when returning home. While it is necessary to feed, clothe and shelter your family, it is just as necessary to nurture them with your love and presence. Family relationships, more than any other kind of relationship, must be cultivated. No amount of money will buy back the lost time and experiences.

We wait, everyday, anticipating change. I do it very much so myself. I love having something to look forward to. I don't think this is a bad thing, but only as long as it is within balance. We should look to the future for hope, but we should relish in our daily lives and be grateful for each day we are living. Things that I do today ARE the future. Today and now is the future of my life and they make a difference. And for this, I must be grateful.

President Monson also discussed the importance part gratitude plays in our lives. We must recognize and show our gratitude for the blessings in our lives. Blessings sometimes manifest themselves in ways we would not expect. I always think about this when I'm running late due to circumstances beyond my control, like red lights or a traffic jam. I think about how frustrated I am with being late, but that perhaps it is a blessing and the Lord is protecting me from an accident that could have happened. This is an extreme example, but I think we need to look more at our lives and the blessings within them. Always waiting for something bigger and better to happen is a slap in the face to the Lord who has blessed us so greatly. Unfortunately, sometimes we never understand how greatly blessed we are, until we lose it.

There is no time left in my life for complaint. There is no time left for waiting for things to happen. Inevitably, sorrows will come. We will all encounter trials in life...some that will seem unbearable. Somehow, we have to strive to find joy in the journey of it all.

I have a blessed life. One in which I can't even begin to understand how I was lucky enough to be given. I have led a joyous journey thus far and look to continue to find the joy in my everyday life.

One of my favorite quotes is from President Hinckley, "Life is to be enjoyed, not just endured." This quote sits on a plaque in my kitchen. It reminds me everyday that the Lord meant for me to find joy in this life. He has done his part in blessing me with those joys...it is then left up to me to find them and joy in them. My part is the easy part.

Change is inevitable and change is hard. Change is what makes this journey of life, life. And my goal is to find joy in that journey.

Be A Little Better

2008-10-08T08:15:00.000-07:00

I just heard something someone said about me. It wasn't a good thing. Hearing it really stunk and hurt my feelings. Granted this person I'm sure never meant for me to hear, but that's a whole other story about making sure people we talk to are trustworthy. Nonetheless, you never like to hear when someone has something bad to say about you. It's inevitable that not everyone is always going to like you. The reality probably is, that people talk behind our backs more often than we think. Maybe I'd rather it have stayed behind my back than staring me in the face. Or then again, maybe not...

...because once I got over the initial reaction of defensive mode, and the "how dare you...you barely know me..." blah, blah...it actually really made me go inward and think. And I'm talking, I was getting ready in my bathroom and I caught my reflection in the mirror gazing off into oblivion forever. It really made me think about my character and who I am. After all, the comment wasn't even like, "she's ugly....or fat...or has a big nose"...in fact I almost felt like I'd welcome that comment first before one on my character. I came to the realization within myself that I was generally not what this person had said about me. Also, as is human nature, I talked to people who genuinely care for me and know me better than anyone, not to mention, the people that would "tell it to me like it is". Again, it was confirmed that generally I was not this way.

However, what I came to grips with, within myself, was that I had tendencies to be what this person accused at one point or another. I definitely have the capacity within me to be a lot of things...I am, after all, human. So, I came to the conclusion that however far stretched this comment was, there could be some truth to it and I could be better. Not for this person, not for anyone else, but for me and the Lord.

This experience has made me realize that I want to be able stand up and be a little bit better than I was before. There is always room for improvement and I wanted to take this negative experience and use it as motivation to be a better person.

All of this introspective thinking coincided nicely with Conference weekend, where I was able to hear a lot of great counsel on things that I wanted to work on. I feel a lot of peace and hope when I think of the Saviors Atonement, and the opportunity that it gives me everyday to wake up and be just a little bit better than I was the day before. The point is, that I have to take those opportunities, press forward and CHOOSE to be better. And the Lord has promised that this peace will multiply ten fold if we make those small efforts:

"Be of good comfort, be of one mind, live in peace; and the God of love and peace shall be with you." ~ 2 Corinthians 13:11

President Hinkcley said on this matter: "We are all this together, all of us, and we have a great work to do.
Every teacher can be a better teacher than he or she is today.
Every officer can be a better officer than he or she is today.
Every father can be a better father.
Every mother can be a better mother.
Every husband can be a better husband, ever wife a better wife, every child a better child.
We are on the road that leads to immortality and eternal life and today is a part of it. Let us never forget it."

I can actually now say I am grateful for what I heard. I hold no malice for the person who said it. As I said, I don't feel this person, who is a good person, would have ever wanted me to hear what they said. It's funny how the same things in life that can tear us down and have the capacity to lead towards negativity also have the ability to be those things that mold and change us into better people. It all depends on perspective and how we use these experiences in my life.

Wow, if I think about all the negative situations I've been in, in this capacity, I can't imagine the amazing lessons I might have learned, while instead I dwelt on them as purely negative experiences. I have a lot to make up for.

And I'm going to start with trying to be a little better...today.

LDS General Conference

2008-10-04T10:58:00.001-07:00

I have just finished listening to the 1st session this morning of our semi-annual General Broadcast for the church I belong to, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. For those of you who don't know what this conference is, its a conference in the months of April and October in which we receive counsel, inspiration, guidance and direction from the leaders of church. Our loving prophet, the Lords apostles, and other general leadership of the church. It's something that I look forward to so greatly and when I heard the Mormon Tabernacle Choir singing, "High On The Mountain Top" at the opening of the session, my eyes welled with tears, soley because of my gratitude for my knowledge of the Gospel and the fact that I have been blessed to have always had it in my life. Definitely throughout my life General Conference has been something I have taken for granted, but I just am so grateful that our loving Father in Heaven has allowed us the opportunity to participate in this wonderful conference, and in a time of such gloom and despair, feel our faith and hopes renewed.

So, with that, my only message today is that I invite you, if you aren't already, to listen to the messages of this conference. You can do so by viewing it on TV. It's broadcasted on the BYU channel (which is 374 for DirecTV...I'm unsure of other companies), on public service channels, livestream over the internet at WWW.LDS.ORG or at any LDS church building. Transcripts and video clips of this conference will also be available for reading and viewing after this conference on the church website within the days following the conference.

This conference is for THE WORLD, not only for the current members of our church. This post is soley an invitation to find strength within something that fills my soul with strength beyond words.

A Tradition of Happiness and Love

2008-09-29T15:30:00.000-07:00

If you are like me the fall season is a feeling. Even though in my neck of the woods its still relatively warm for nearing October, I can still feel it is fall and I can't help but get that nostalgic pull to pumpkins and the obsessiveness with colors like orange, brown and hunter green. I can't even walk around stores like Target right now without wanting to buy up all of the Halloween and fall decorations. In fact, I came home from Target with a solitary bag of pretend leaves just because it was in the dollar section and I wanted to buy something that felt like fall. Part of it I think is because we've had our fill with the scorching heat...and the feeling of the holidays right around the corner fills the air with excitement. For me its always been special because my birthday is in fall and now so is my baby's, so it's an extra special time.

I was thinking about it today and this time of year reminds me of family and tradition. Last year for my birthday, a friend gave me a wonderful book called, Heaven's Touch: A Tribute to Women, featuring art by Greg Olsen. He is one of my absolute favorites. The above picture is actually one of his from his "Childhood" collection. I found this picture in my book and so I went on Greg Olsen's website to search for it. I loved the description of the picture, called "Fall Leaves". It reads, "These young children are in the enviable state of not yet having learned that raking leaves is supposed to be work. They have turned a chore into pure fun. The reward of their raking is the creation of a mountain of leaves large and soft enough to catch them as they jump from the branches of the tree above. All this, while a neighbor leans on a rake in his garden in front of a trash pile of burning leaves. Greg Olsen - 2006"

So, it got me thinking about the importance of family time and the pure joy and happiness that can be created in the culture of any particular family. And I think it really is that...an individual "culture". More than anything else in the world, we remember how things were done in our home growing up. The effects our upbringing and homelife have on us, is arguably more effective than any other experience in life. It is during a crucial time where we are learning about life and discovering who we are.

The quote that went along in my book with Greg Olsen's picture was one from prophet Joseph F. Smith. He said, "There can be no genuine happiness separate and aprt from the home....There is no happiness without service, and there is no service greater than that which converts the home into a divine institution, and which promotes and preserves family life....The strongest attachments of childhood are those that cluster about the home, and the dearest memories of old age are those that call up the associations of youth and its happy surroundings."

What better way is there then, as parents, to make those few short years a positive and memorable experience, than creating family traditions? Definitely, specific holidays and times of year remind us of certain traditions, which is why I bring it up now. Certainly though, there are everyday traditions that can and should be established in a home like family scripture study, prayer...family home evening on a weekly basis, attending church services together, enjoying at least one meal a day all together at the dinner table enjoying one anothers company, etc. For example, one mine and my husband's traditions since we were dating is that we go on evening walks. We've always loved to go on walks together...(or a run), but its something that we plan on continuing with our children as often as possible throughout the week. I am sure there will be times, when we have teenagers that they will not be as happy to go on the walks as they once were, (just ask my dad about trying to get me to go on bike rides with the family at sixteen years old. I mean, seriously, seven plus bikes riding down the street...helmets and all, and I swear he'd go right in front of my friends' houses just to drive me nuts, haha) but I'm hoping that creating this tradition in our "family culture" will help to cultivate our relationships and teach them that family togetherness and quality time is important.

This is something important to my husband and I because we learned it from very loving parents who knew that family time was important. It wasn't always expensive trips or extravagant events...but they were significant enough that it imprinted in our hearts the importance of this family time.

Getting back to this time of year, I wanted to share some of our families traditions. Some of them more "typical" some of them more "sentimental". I think for my husband's family, the food they've made at certain holidays has become significantly sentimental. What is a Thanksgiving dinner without Mom's homemade rolls? Pumpkin pie will always remind us of his dear grandpa, who even in his very ill days, would enjoy a piece because it was his favorite. Going around the table before eating on Thanksgiving to express what we are thankful for. The beautiful table settings and display of food that looks to gorgeous to even eat. The matching pajama's on Christmas for all of the great-grandchildren from Great Grandma. The list goes on and on.

For my family, it has always been a tradition that on Christmas morning, before going out to the Christmas tree, we stood oldest to youngest and covered the eyes of the one in front of us to walk out. Dad always makes a fabulous Christmas morning breakfast. Mom always makes fudge and english toffee. The race to find Baby Jesus within the mounds of packing popcorn in the box of the Nativity set. Chris Mouse and his microphone to Santa Claus to make sure we were being good little boys and girls. The letters we would write to him and the notes we would get back on tiny stationary. We used to leave him cheese and he would nibble it down leaving only crumbs...or a stick to come back and see "mouse bites". (I can't believe the effort Mom and Dad put in for us to have the Spirit of Christmas. They truly love us).

All of these times have created memories that we will never forget, and we hope to continue on with our children. Ultimately, it doesn't matter what the specific tradition is, as long as there is a pattern of love in our homes and the things that we do as a family, I hope that they will look back on their upbringing with happiness and love. And if we acheive that, there will be no greater accomplishment. Because as David O. McKay said, “No other success can compensate for failure in the home.”

If you feel so inclined, I'd love to hear of your family traditions (or ones you hope to start) that you'd like to share. I love hearing from you...I plan on getting better at commenting back. Nonetheless, I read them all and getting your insight and comments makes my day.

Stretchmarks

2008-09-25T10:30:00.001-07:00

My husband and I have been running every night. We've been coming home and lifting weights. We've been eating healthily and have been successful in staying focused on our program. We are slowly but surely seeing and feeling the results which is a phenomenal reward for our hard work. However, last night, we were checking ourselves out in our closet mirror (don't pretend you don't do the same after a work out...you flex as if you'll actually see an instantaneous result from that very days efforts! haha). I started to complain to my husband, "When the heck did I get hips??" Definitely, I have born a child. Just ask my backside. "No matter how many crunches I do, the stretchmarks will always remain." (Unless one day in the distant future I go under the knife for a tummy tuck.) As he empathized and gave me the typical sweet husband responses of, "I think you're beautiful..." etc., (I love him so much, by the way)... I responded still somewhat negatively with, "You're lucky that you're a guy, because your body is not permanantly changed just from becoming a father!" He, however begged to differ and pointed as his belly saying, "My body has changed since becoming a dad; problem is, I had complete control. You didn't." (Again, I love him so.)

Anyway, as I said the words, "You're lucky" I instantaneously felt guilty...truly, the joy of conceiving, carrying and bearing a child, is my most cherished accomplishment, some of my fondest memories, a divine gift...and something I do actually look forward to doing again a few more times. And I thought of my stretchmarks finally as the "stripes of honor" that people joke about. But, this time, to me it didn't feel like a joke. And I started to think of why I got stretch marks. Well, I did gain a little over what I needed and I was insanely swollen due to hypertension, but ultimately, stretchmarks come when your body is getting bigger faster than your skin thought you would be. Basically.

Then I started thinking...I hope that my soul has stretchmarks. I know that sounds silly, and utterly impossible since your soul isn't something physical. But, I hope that my soul has stretchmarks, figuratively speaking. As human beings, in our general nature we have a drive inside of us to press forward. This drive motivates us to be better and stronger. To acheive beyond our personal limits and accomplish. At times we are more motivated than others, but generally, none of us get up in the morning and say, "I don't want to do better. I want to be a worse person than I was yesterday." (At least, I hope none of us say that.)

So, everyday, we try to push ourselves just a little bit harder...stretch our bodies, our hearts, our souls to reach beyond the limits. This is where I get my silly notion of hoping that my soul has stretchmarks. I want to feel like I am stretching every day...beyond the capacities that I even thought I could be, therefore creating stretchmarks, a.k.a. stripes of honor. And the state of our souls should matter more than our physical state, because ultimately, one keeps eternally, and one does not.

"Though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day." ~2 Corinthians 4:16

Everday our bodies get older...the outward man does perish. Deteriorates. Thankfully, its relatively slow, but inevitable nonetheless.

Our soul does not deteriorate, rather it is replenished, renewed, strengthened...STRETCHED!

President Hinckley said, "We can improve, and when all is said and done that's what this is all about: improvement, changing our lives so that we can help people change their lives and be better; building Zion on the earth."

I hope my soul is covered in stretchmarks. I know that if it is, some are self inflicted but many are the product of others helping me to grow. Thank you for that.

Learning to love my physical stretchmarks may be a constant battle...a love/hate relationship if you will. Sometimes (most of the time, to be honest) I will want to to wish them away. But my spiritual stretchmarks, the ones I've earned and hope to earn, I hope that those stay eternally...and continue to multiply. Because we've all earned those ones too, as our "stripes of honor". Each and every one.

Get Real

2008-09-20T01:11:00.000-07:00

I can't sleep. 1AM on a Friday night...and I will freely admit, its because I am too full to relax. I ate like a BIG NASTY tonight on a "Girls Night Out". I mean, I don't even want to estimate the calories...but I'm sick. Bleh. And it's been this way for 2+ hours now...go away.

Well, as I try to digest, I'll type to get my mind off of the dizziness of my bursting stomach. I've had something on my mind tonight. I have turned over a new leaf in my life the past few months. I've decided to "GET REAL". And by that, I mean, I decided to be true to myself. I have spent much of my life trying to be someone for someone else...to make others happy. I LOVE to make others happy...especially those I love, and usually that love and happiness is reciprocated. That's called healthy relationships. That, I have not changed. I still very much live to show those I love the service and happiness they deserve for making me the happy and blessed person I am.

What I have changed is trying to make people who don't care if they are making me happy, happy. Make sense? Of course it does, because you all know what I'm talking about. We're talking about being fake, people. I mean, we all do it at one point or another. And sometimes its not intended but we concern ourselves SO much with impressing others or not wanting to offend someone, that we put our own thoughts, feelings, desires...EVERYTHING aside, to make others feel more comfortable. All the while, we are not being true to them or ourselves.

And frankly, I have had ENOUGH of it! I am me...this is who I am. I ate 20,000 calories tonight. Sometimes money is tight and we worry how we'll pay our bills. Sometimes, I go ballistic from stress or lack of sleep or for no real apparent reason at all. Sometimes I curl in a ball on the floor and cry when its that time of month. I weigh myself daily because I have issues with it. I watch MTV reality shows sometimes. I secretly dream of being a super star and sing in the mirror with my hair brush. Oh, the list goes on and on of things that aren't easily admitted. And its okay to admit it, because I am human, and I know all of you out there have your quirks too. It's okay to be real. We don't have to be THAT real all of the time, but you get the point.

And it's okay to love yourself for those things. It's okay to be proud of yourself. I've recently discovered that there are things I really like about myself. I have discovered that I think some things about my looks are really pretty. I have musical talents that I am proud of. I feel I am a good person. I am successful in my life because I try everyday. And a recent development...I am REAL.

I have discovered in trying to be me for me and the people that really love me, that I love myself more than I ever thought. I measured my own happiness and my own self worth on what other people thought of me, and therefore thought that I always had to be better. But for who? I've discovered it was not for me. It was for people that I was never, ever going to please. Because people like that are not pleased with themselves, and they want you to feel that same feeling of defeat. No more...I want to give myself credit, by myself, for myself.

I looked for validation in every possible area. Every one's opinion had to be calculated until I could decide how I "really felt". I couldn't be impressed with myself until someone else measured the worth of my achievements for me. It's a depressing way to live. I want to walk into a room and feel beautiful because I just looked at myself in a mirror and I thought I looked beautiful...not because ten heads did or didn't turn as I walked in.

It's possible to have that feeling. I am just catching the glimpse of it, and let me tell you, it is a magnificent sight to see.

I did not bring myself to this point. Those in my life who really love me, who really cared about me, forced me to this point. Short of shaking sense into me, people like my husband and my sister in particular (who are both very real people, by the way) forced me to see that I was killing myself from the inside with the craziness of trying to be something to everyone. It was a lie. You can't be something to everyone. Once you are true to yourself...once you decide that you are going to be you for you, and no one else, the evidence that we all are trapped in that same nightmare of acceptance comes out, and has a rippling effect.

"When a woman tells the truth she is creating the possibility for more truth around her." ~Adrienne Rich

If you seek out to be true to yourself, then you will find those around you who want that too. And you will weed out those who don't.

Because if you are not true to who you are, you are betraying yourself in the worst way possible. And your whole purpose for betraying yourself, to be everything for everyone else, is a catch 22 that will come back to bite you, because how can you be true to others, if you can't be true to yourself?

"If one is estranged from oneself, then one is estranged from others too. If one is out of touch with oneself, then one cannot touch others." ~Anne Morrow Lindbergh

"A man who doesn't trust himself can never really trust anyone else." ~Cardinal De Retz

And if that costs you friends, relationships, etc, what is more important? The relationship built upon superficial lies, or your own self-respect and self-worth?

"I prefer to be true to myself, even at the hazard of incurring the ridicule of others, rather than to be false, and to incur my own abhorrence." ~Frederick Douglass

And there-in, in that self respect, you will find exactly what you need to be the best you. The one you were striving to be from the very beginning. And that best you, the one always trying to progress to be better and share that light, will accomplish volumes more than the persona that was once the role you played, could have ever dreamed.

"To free us from the expectations of others, to give us back to ourselves--there lies the great, singular power of self-respect."~Joan Didion

I am barely breaking the surface of my new-found freedom, but I am at a point where I am comfortable with myself and as Mark Twain said, "The worst loneliness is to not be comfortable with yourself."

It is the truth. Because you are the one that will lay in bed at night worrying about what others think. You will be the one bending over backwards for people that would never think twice to do the same for you. That loneliness will eat a hole inside you that will never be filled by those acts of self destruction.

I am me. I have always been me...deep inside. Don't get me wrong...I am not a completely different person...who I was wasn't a facade or role I played completely. I was a good person then, too. The personas we play are derivatives of who we really are inside. It's when we start to cater to our own feelings and desires instead of those who are impossible to please, that we can be comfortable to admit and be who we really are and who we really want to be.

And in this discovery of my reality, I have found that I am more respected by those in my life for it. And those who do not respect it, do not need to be in my life. But like I said, I have found human nature is generally kind and accepting. It's what we don't like about ourselves that we point out in others. None of us need fingers pointed at us...we do it enough to ourselves.

This post felt more like a soap box then I've ever felt before. It's not meant to be. I don't know, maybe because its almost 2 am...and I'm getting delirious, I just made myself sound like a babbling idiot. But two things I know for certain, I am happier with who I am today than I ever have been in my life...and I'm STILL insanely full.

Study Suggestions and A Personal Challenge

2008-09-17T19:56:00.001-07:00

K, all three of you out there...I have a question for you. :) )And if there are more out there hiding, I'd love your advice as well...anytime.)

I have made a habit of being pretty self deprecating and brutally honest about my shortcomings on this blog, so I guess why hold back now.

I'M HORRIBLE AT SCRIPTURE STUDY!

There. I've said it. Sometimes they say when you admit it you feel better. I actually don't. Maybe I will if you can help me and something actually comes from this admittance of one of my most private weaknesses.

I try, really I do. I have the best intentions, but for some reason, it never sticks like I expect it to. I always feel like I've found the best method for me, but I fall out of a routine pretty quickly. I kind of lose faith in myself and my ability to keep up with things I know I should be doing. I mean, I always keep trying, I never give up...how can I? I know they are true, I find such joy in reading...I could read through conference talks and gospel topic books for days...but honestly, sometimes the scriptural languages is harder to catch onto.

I have a friend, who is such an example to me...I kept trying to get her to read this fictional series I was reading and she said she didn't want to start reading until she finished with the scriptures. Her method was, she read them like a book. It wasn't like a set number of chapters a night...she just read them like you'd read a novel...until you decided to put it down for the night.

I've done this...and its a good method. I've also been trying to follow the Sunday School schedule. It really comes in handy for Gospel Doctrine when you actually read what you are talking about. This is a good method too. I've also heard of people that reference and study specific topics. Or skip around from book to book.

I probably have the wrong attitude about it...and I don't want it to come off like I want it to be some game, but I just wondered if any of you have had a specific method that has had an affect on you and has therefore increased your love of the scriptures and desire to study. I'd LOVE to hear your experiences.

Remember, you can post anonymously.

Ultimately, I want to follow the prophet Gordon B. Hinckley's counsel, "Let us establish in our lives the habit of reading those things which will strengthen our faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, the Savior of the world."

What I need is for it to be more of a priority...a habit. Something I do without question. And I will always continue to try, even if its an uphill battle for the rest of my life.

Secondly, I was thinking about the movie "Pay It Forward" with that kid from "The Sixth Sense", Haley Joel Osment or something, Helen Hunt and Kevin Spacey. Have you seen it?? It's amazing...great message. The jist is, you pay forward good deeds. Acts of kindness and its a trickling effect. Kind of like the Liberty Mutual commerical also...have you seen that? Pretty cool. Anyway, I am challenging myself and any of you who want to challenge yourselves (people make changes in themselves better than other people asking them to)...to make a difference today. Somewhere. To somebody.

"I give unto you to be the light of this people. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hid."~3 Nephi 12:14

Let your light so shine...so that we all might help each other see the pure joy and beauty that is life and loving one another.

My Savior, My Brother, My Friend

2008-09-16T11:52:00.000-07:00

Lately, my mind has been swarming around a lot of different topics. I've actually been studying a lot of politics, watching a lot of Glenn Beck and CNN. Also, my husband and I have been working out a lot and so I've been studying healthier food and meals, and calculating my miles run, etc. Not to mention, my life has been going on as normal and so I've also had the joys and stresses of motherhood and life on my mind. I have to admit, my central focus has not been where it should be. But...

I've been thinking about today's post topic for a few weeks. It's always on my mind, but I've felt very inadequate to even write about it. (Not that I am even experienced enough to write on any of the topics I write on, which is kind of the point...I find strength in the topics as I study about them, and vent about my feelings via this blog). But still, this particular topic is of the greatest importance to me...and its very sacred and personal. This is my relationship with our Savior, Jesus Christ.

I was explaining to my friend that this relationship is SO multi-faceted- so many angles to come from when writing on the Savior. However, its also completely simple. He is my Savior. He suffered for my sins, and He bled and died for me that I might live eternally one day.

There is nothing more important or sacred to me. And at the same time, there is nothing more that I take for granted each day, than this. I'd say, the majority of the time, I forget to think about it. Even in my daily supplication and prayers, I feel like I pray for my thankfulness of the Savior and His Atonement, but that sometimes its said without real remembrance and no more time spent thinking about it than the few seconds it took me to say it.

I read an amazing book a few years ago called, "Believing Christ". The main point to me was that if we believe in Christ, we have to believe that what He suffered was for each and every one of us individually. That there is no one exempt from the redeeming power of the Atonement if we but come to him with a humble heart and contrite spirit, and a true desire to change.

In today's world, a lot people view believing in Christ to be a childish myth, much as a belief in Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny. Honestly, maybe that was partly the reason I was afraid to write about this...because I've written about a lot of things that most people can relate to as human beings. Parenthood, Marriage/Relationships, Love of Country, Honesty, Kindness, The Golden Rule...etc. Talking about Christ or God now days is like something that people are afraid to do publicly for fear of sounding like a fanatic. But, after beginning this post and now writing it, I am ashamed I ever let what the world thinks influence me into believing I should maybe keep my mouth shut about this topic.

There is no topic of greater importance. No topic that better applies to the lives of each and every one of us, because whether you believe it or not, Christ suffered for YOU! He is your Savior, your Brother, and your Friend, every bit as He is mine. Whether you believe in Him or not.

Without my belief in Him, to live in this world without the hope that I can one day return to live with eternally with God, my Savior and family...I would be lost in this world, and life would be without purpose. He is my ultimate source of strength.

Christs Atonement for mankind was part of God's Eternal plan. For God to give us a world where we had the free agency to choose, there had to be Savior, because we would inevitably make incorrect choices at one point or another. How then can He expect us to live a life worthy to return to Him, if there is no one to be our Advocate? The fact is, is that we do have an Advocate. We have a Savior who understands every suffering, because He has suffered it, and He will speak on our behalf and take upon our sins, if only we let Him.

Yeah, like I said, multi-faceted topic...and I could go on for hours. Instead, I wanted to quote yet another page from Stand A Little Taller .

"BELIEVE IN JESUS CHRIST

Who is he that overcometh the world, but he that believeth that Jesus is the Son of God? -1 John 5:5

Believe in Jesus Christ, our Savior and our Redeemer, the Son of God, who came to earth and walked the dusty roads of Palestine- the Son of God-to teach us the way of truth and light and salvation, and who, in one great and glorious act offered an atonement for each of us. He opened the way of salvation and exaltation for us, under which we may go forward in the Church and kingdom of God. Be not faithless, but believe in the great and wonderful and marvelous blessings of the Atonement."~ Gordon B. Hinckley

It was for you and for me. He is your brother and you've known Him before. All He asks is that you come unto Him and remember Him.

I was reading a blog of someone who was describing their sister-in- law, (we'll call her "C") who was born missing part of her brain, the corpus callosum, which is responsible for the communication between the two hemispheres of the brain, leaving her in a child like state, unable to learn things like speaking and walking. She described how "C" has a hard time recognizing faces. Even her own brothers face, this woman's husband, and she, her sister-in-law, as they don't see her every day. But she described how "C" became attached to a picture of the Savior that she found in a church handbook. The one of Christ in the red robe that I have pictured above. "C" carries that picture every where she goes, by her own free will. The sister-in-law explains how no one has forced this idea upon her, but that it is something that is a constant in her life. Her parents placed it onto a piece of wood in order to keep it from tearing, but still have to keep back up pictures in case one is lost. If "C" can't find her picture, she freaks out until it is found. She recognizes her Savior, her Brother, her Friend. She knows Him well and remembers Him.

What a testimony builder to me...Christ knows us all. This young woman doesn't physically have the full capacity to understand a lot of concepts, but she understands more fully even than I, the importance of a grateful and loving relationship with our Savior, Jesus Christ. I, too, should be just as attached to His image. I, too, should be constantly reminding myself of what He suffered on my behalf, so that I may live my life according to His will.

I testify that He lives. He lived a life of teaching, healing and miracles. He suffered in the Garden of Gesthemane, and died on the cross at Calvary, all for me and you. And He rose and lived again in similitude of the opportunity He has given us. To live eternally, if we but turn our hearts to Him, live our lives worthily and believe.

Land That I Love

2008-09-11T13:29:00.000-07:00

This blog is definitely not a political outlet or forum, but I don't think a love for one's country has to be completely political. I think it has the power to be just as much on a spiritual and emotional level, as a political level.

And today, out of all days out of the year, we as a nation, remember together, why we fight to be free.

9/11

Turn on the tv...the radio...open up an internet browser...walk outside and see the flag being proudly displayed, and you can't help but remember. None of us will ever forget what happened that day that took the lives of thousands of our brothers and sisters of this nation and devastated our country. We were all affected and for a brief time, we were in all senses of the word, UNITED! And even though we were riding a wave of disaster, we hung tight to each other and to our love for our country. I think its important to remember today, not to be dramatic...but because real people lost their live, and still do, everday, because our country is free and we fight for that freedom.

We are in the midst of a big election, with many promises and proclamations for change have been made. I, too, hope that there is change...for the better. One thing I pray, is that this blessed nation, one that I believe is "under God", will continue to be just that: Blessed.

"BLESS THIS NATION

Have mercy, O Lord, upon all the nations of the earth; have mercy upon the rulers of our land; may those principles, which were so honorably and nobly defended, namely, the Constitution of our land, by our fathers, be established forever."~D&C 109:54

May God bless this nation of which you and I are a part. Bless her leaders that they may rise above pettiness and live after the tradition of the Founding Fathers. Bless our industry that it may benefit all mankind. Bless our science that out of it may come health and happiness for the peoples of the earth. Bless the people of this nation, you, every one of you, and me, and all who walk beneath its glorius flag with gratitude and appreciation, with respect and reverence, as well as with love." (Stand A Little Taller; Gordon B. Hinckley)

I pray that whoever is elected to lead our country is one that will preserve the essence of what America is and love her more than themselves. I am so grateful for the country I live in and hope that I can work hard to do my part to make change for the better and ensure that our freedoms remain.

Lastly, I was thinking about these words today...and how long its been since I've said them, and how much longer than that, that its been since I've thought about what they truly mean...I pray that we never forget. I know it has been since changed, but this is how I remember it:

"I pledge allegiance to the Flag of the United States of America, and to the Republic for which it stands: one Nation, under God, indivisible, with Liberty and Justice for all."

God Bless America, and God be with those who lost loved ones, seven years ago today in the tragic events that took place that September morning.

Positive Reinforcement

2008-09-09T11:47:00.000-07:00

We are all human. We all have insecurities. Some are better than others at hiding them and some people scream insecurity. The point still being, everyone has insecurities.

Now, no one can take away anyones insecurities for them. It's something we all have to deal with and reconcile personally. However, our words and actions to others play a major role in attributing to the security or insecurity of others' and their feelings.

We do this in two ways, whether through words or actions:

Compliment: (a) an expression of esteem, respect, affection, or admiration; especially : an admiring remark (b) formal and respectful recognition

Put-down: (a) depose, degrade (b) disparage, belittle (c) disapprove, criticize (d) humiliate

I'd venture to say all of us have probably received both of the above. Compliments that have left us floating on cloud nine and put downs that have left us crippled. I know I mentioned this in a previous post, Divine Reflection, and how we have to realize our divine potential and have confidence regardless of how others around us treat us, but I wanted to focus on helping build each other up. Most importantly, building up our spouses and close family/friends.

In marriage, most couples aren't exactly alike, right? I mean, they don't say opposites attract for nothing. Definitely you have similar interests or personality traits that attracted you to be with one another in the first place, but there will inevitibly be differences. In Stand A Little Taller:

"INDIVIDUAL DIFFERENCES IN MARRAIGE

Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. ~1 Corinthians 7:3

In a marriage, each of us is an individual. Each of us is different. There must be respect for differences, and lathough it is important and necessary that both the husband and the wife work to ameliorate those differences, there must be some recognition that they exist and that they are not necessarily undesirable. In fact, the differences may make the companionship more interesting."

It's important that we accept our spouses for who they are. We need to build them up about themselves in their strengths, and help them progress in their weaknesses. ***IMPORTANT NOTE: Weaknesses are best acknowledged and defined by the indivudual. We should not point out areas that the other needs to work on and try to change them. A huge part of progression and change is realizing ourselves what the problem is, and desiring to change it of our own free will and choice.***

The way that we do this is with positive reinforcement: COMPLIMENTS!

My friend and I were just having this discussion, which prompted this post, and it dawned on me that while I might tell my husband every day things like, "I love you" or "you smell nice" or "Thanks for working hard"...maybe what I need to do is compliment him on something that maybe he's more insecure about. For example, he already knows I love him and that I am grateful for his hard work...its good to tell him that, but he knows that. He knows he smells nice, because he put cologne on that morning for that very purpose. What I need to think more about is saying things like, (and forgive the cheesiness), "That shirt really accentuates your rock hard biceps and makes you look really buff!" Okay...if you know my husband, that would be a compliment! And it wouldn't sound cheesy. You come up with what works for them. When my husband tells me he loves my body, well, I have a hard time really seeing that, but...I accept that HE does and that he really means it, and that compliment gives me a lot of confidence.

I had a friend recently relay an amazing compliment that a friend of hers had said about me to her. It really touched me that someone I barely knew had made an observation about me that I would never think someone would, and it meant so much for me to hear that. We never ever forget those kinds of compliments. They stay with us forever.

We also know that the opposite, PUT-DOWNS from a spouse can be worse than any other kind of put down. I know of a situation where someone I knew, who is absolutely gorgeous, had a spouse who constantly called her names, berated and belittled her. It blinded her to that fact that anyone could see that she was gorgeous, let alone herself.

We've all been the victim of some sort of abuse with a put-down and just like a great compliment, we will never, EVER forget it. I remember a girl in 6th grade telling me I had ugly hair. I remember a guy in 8th grade telling me to go drink a Slim-Fast. I remember a guy I was dating asking me if I'd ever considered braces...YOU DON'T FORGET THESE KINDS OF THINGS! They stay with you forever.

So, regardless of what relationship you are dealing with; spousal, friendship, family members, church or work acquaintances...we need to remember that we are touching others' lives...and we need it to be in positive, meaningful ways.

"TOUCH OTHERS' LIVES

Ye are the light of the world. ~Matthew 5:14

No man or woman proceeds alone. All of us are largely the products of the lives which touch upon our lives." (Standing A Little Taller)

We are responsible for the lives of others that we touch...we will be blessed for our acts of kindness and selflessness, and we will answer for the things that we have said or done to injure or criple others along the way.

The most insecure of people are those that put others down. I'd say the opposite affect of this would be that the more that we build up the confidence of others, the more we will build up in confidence about ourselves. As we seek to see the good in everyone else, we will begin to see ourselves in that same light and love ourselves.

Below are some great quotes on Critiscm and Kindness:

"We are never more discontented with others than when we are discontented with ourselves." ~Henri Frederic Amiel

"Flatter me, and I may not believe you. Criticize me, and I may not like you. Ignore me, and I may not forgive you. Encourage me, and I will not forget you. Love me and I may be forced to love you." ~William Arthur Ward

"No kind action ever stops with itself. One kind action leads to another. Good example is followed. A single act of kindness throws out roots in all directions, and the roots spring up and make new trees. The greatest work that kindness does to others is that it makes them kind themselves."~Amelia Earhart

"So many gods, so many creeds,

So many paths that wind and wind,

While just the art of being kind

Is all the sad world needs."

~Ella Wheeler Wilcox

"Those who bring sunshine into the lives of others, cannot keep it from themselves."~James M. Barrie

"Kind words can be short and easy to speak but their echoes are truly endless." ~Mother Teresa

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." ~Philo

"The little unremembered acts of kindness and love are the best parts of a person's life." ~William Wordsworth

And just to let you know, you reading my blog is one of the biggest compliments to me. I may not even know that you are there because there may never be a comment made; but for me, to be able to voice my thoughts and have others take the time to read them has touched my life in a way that I can't even describe. So, thank you.

Talk-aholics Anonymous

2008-09-05T09:20:00.001-07:00

Hi. My name is "S" and I am a talk-aholic.

Yes, it is true. I have decided to come out in the open and say it. I am addicted to talking.

It's something that has been a love/hate relationship in my life. There are times where I felt it was one of my most redeeming qualities; the ability to socialize and communicate with others. But there have been times, where my talking has hindered other abilities. One of the most important abilities that excessive talking can do, is hinder your ability to listen.

I have come to terms with the fact that being social and talkative is a quality I was given for purposes that I have recognized in my life, and probably things to come in my life. I have accepted that I do not have to change that part of me completely. There was a time where I felt very trapped inside my own personality and viewed my qualities and tendencies as negative traits. I sometimes had people in my life who would make fun, tease or ridicule me for these things, and instead of seeing in what areas I could use it as a strength, I came to detest the whole idea of it.

As I said before, I have since realized the importance of certain traits and gifts we are given, and that I do need to embrace this part of my personality and use it in positive ways...however, I have also realized that just because it can be a useful and positive thing, that it does have very much potential to be exactly the opposite.

When I was a little girl, my parents used to have to tell me at the dinner table to "stop talking and eat". I have been known to interrupt. More than 99.9% the of the time the interupption is unintentional, but an interruption none the less. I am a sentence finisher...gosh, isn't that so annoying? I annoy myself with it. I have been known to go on and on and on, writing about something in a blog and.....oh...okay, moving on from this point...

The problem with all of this, is that I am still seeking that balance in my life. To accept that I am who I am and that being a talkative and social person is part of my personality, but also on the flip side, to be a better listener and realize that there are others with just as important, if not more important, things to share.

What brought this on, was that our Bishop came to visit our home the other night to get to know us a little bit better, and he left us with a small booklet entitled, "3 Simple Ways to Become a Happier Family". I decided to read it that night as my scripture study, and I highly recommend it. There were some phenomenal ideas and solutions to stumbling blocks on the road to a happier family. You can request a free copy of this booklet from Mormon.org by clicking HERE and going to the bottom of the page.

Anyway, one particular part that struck me that I could start to implement into my young family and my marriage today was the section entitled, "Are You Really Listening?" I want to quote what it says under that question. There is no specific personal credit given for the wording, as far as the author goes, but I'd say it was generally approved in the church leadership. I always like to give the credit to the person who said whatever quote I use, but in this case, its an LDS publication. It says:

"Listening is more than just hearing. An important way to express your sincere interest in your family members is to listen to them carefully. Listening to what people are feeling as well as what they are saying takes concentration and effort. But the rewards are worth the effort-your family members will be more willing to open up and tell you what they thing and how they feel."

I could really relate to that, because, I remember a specific conversation I was having with my husband where this issue came up. He is not so much the intense talker, as I am, and so in the midst of a discussion, he said something to the effect of, "You may hear me, but you're not really listening to me." And it totally hit home. I was definitely "hearing" his words...but I was taking them in just to, and forgive my crudeness, regurgitate a defensive response. I was taking his words and throwing them back at him in order to further my own thoughts or feelings. I wasn't REALLY listening and internalizing his thoughts and feelings with a humble heart. As the above statement mentioned, this kind of listening takes concentration and effort...but the rewards will be worth the effort. I would always ask him why he didn't open up to me more, and it made me realize that my lack of listening did not invite that kind of a submission of his feelings. Why would you want to share your feelings with a wall... or worse, a rubber wall, where every feeling shared bounces off and hits you back in the face?

So, naturally, this portion spoke to me directly. The booklet then gives several steps that will help us to learn to listen more effectively.

*"Show that you want to listen by looking at them when they are speaking."

That eye contact means to the person speaking, that what they say is important enough to you, that nothing else is worth being distracted by. Even better, I think its nice, especially with couples to try to hold hands or sit closely. Focusing all of our attention on that person is not only a great respect, but it clears your mind of all distraction and helps you to internalize what is being said.

*"Avoid interrupting with your own experiences and opinions. If the one speaking pauses, don't rush to add your own ideas."

I should highlight this one in bright red and make it 100 times font. My mind sometimes works at a lightening speed and my wheels are always turning during a conversation. I like to be able to add my experiences. Honestly, and don't think I'm weird, but sometimes I get anxiety if I get a thought and don't share it. I have improved, but sometimes I almost have to hold my lips shut in order to not explode with my thoughts. Definitely something I am working on, and I have caught and noticed myself interrupting or waiting for someone to take a breath and jumping in. Not to mention trying to finish sentences or throw out words when people pause to recollect a word or idea. Seriously, that's annoying. And I really need to work on this one. Plus, it kind of gives the other person the impression that what you have to say is more important than what they have to say, or that you aren't even really listening to what they are saying in the first place because you are thinking about what you are going to say next.

*"Watch nonverbal cues, such as facial expressions, tone of voice, and posture."

It's not enough to just say to someone, "How are you?" If the response is "Fine," with a tone of frustration, or a frown, or slumped shoulders, survey says....probably not fine. Sometimes people don't know how to come out with it and share their thoughts or feelings. I think this is important for our kids especially. If parents are aware of non-verbal cues, there will be a lot more picked up on. You can often tell when a child or teenager is dealing with something...most of the time, they wear it on their sleeves. Being able to recognize these tones, expressions and body language is a huge step to opening those lines of communication. However, its very important to do-so positively, and with an attitude of acceptance, understanding and willingness to listen. Besides, most husbands know by now, if your wife says, "Fine," with any kind of a tone or expression...she's definitely not "fine". ha ha

*"Be accepting of how family members describe their feelings, motives, and goals without lecturing on how they should think or feel."

Often times we think that every one should view things the same way that we do. Sometimes, a solution to a problem can be in plain sight for one, and another person is blinded to that fact. One of the worst things that anyone listening to another person can say to them is, "You shouldn't feel that way." Everyone has a right to their feelings. No one likes to be told that the way they think or feel is insignificant or invalid.

*"Demonstrate your understanding by describing how they seem to feel: 'It sounds as if you feel...'"

I know this does sound a little bit "therapisty" but it really works! My husband and I have tried it, and it is amazing what is implied or assumed in our minds without reiterating to the other person what you heard. My mom always used to tell me, "You hear what you want to hear." And I think it is true...the same words said in one way, can be taken the complete wrong way by the listening party. It's important to clarify what we understand from our words so that the person really feels as though their true thoughts are being assessed and understood.

*"Share your perspective to offer your insight and alternatives. But unless serious matters such as health, safety, and moral issues are involved, wise parents often allow children to make their own decisions and learn by experience to the extent appropriate for their age and level of maturity."

It's important the we use our experiences to be able to aid others with options on how to handle situations that they confide in us with. Especially our children...they need to know that we have been there, and this is how we handled it or this is what we would have done differently to handle it. But at the same time, you cannot force someone to learn something just by listening to others' experiences. Part of this life is experiencing with our free agency in order to figure out what we want out of this life. As parents. or older siblings, or leaders, we want to teach people who have gone through something to "not go there"...because I've been there. However, after giving the advice and counsel we have to give, it is left up to them to react how they will with the guidance provided. It's a hard one...and I don't look forward to the day when I have to send my children off into the world to make their own decisions and hope I've taught them enough, but that is what makes them who they are and when their real character will shine through.

This section of this pamphlet really just made me realize in my life how much I might be missing out on because my mouth is too busy going to hear other important things that others are saying to me, that can help teach me to be a better person. And sometimes, the most important lessons can come from the simple conversations that we have with those in our every day lives. As Stephen Covey said, "Seek first to understand, then to be understood."

Be Thou Humble

2008-09-04T07:39:00.000-07:00

Humility is such a multi-faceted thing. You may be completely humble in one area, and not at all in another. It's a quality that you can attain and lose very quickly. When thinking about humility, my first reaction was that I feel I am a humble person. I don't in anyway feel conceited or boastful...I don't feel like I think I am better than anyone else.

But, I am not truly humble. Especially, because I thought to myself, "I am."

I like to be right. Who doesn't? Who likes to be wrong? No one. It's a really hard thing to admit when you are wrong...it comes with lots of feelings of vulnerability. It's like opening your soul to someone when you admit to them that you are wrong and humble yourself before their mercy. I've felt that feeling completely, and been so built up in my pride that I am too afraid to let it down, and therefore will be wrong and still not admit it. I've done this especially to my husband, and thats so not fair. Sometimes, we don't even necessarily have to be completely wrong. I've been in a situation where someone I knew and I both felt valid in our concerns and points, and realistically, we both could feel the way we felt. However, we both could have sat and argued our points back and forth and without the humility to accept that we might have hurt the other person, whether intended or not, we might never have gotten past our own selfish points of view. Luckily, we both were able to humble ourselves enough to apologize for our misunderstandings and move beyond the problem. Without humility, that never would have happened.

Pride is a dangerous thing. From Stand A Little Taller :

"WALK IN HUMILITY AND PRAYER

Be thou humble and the Lord they God shall lead thee by the hand, and give thee answer to thy prayers. ~D&C 112:10

There is no place for arrogance in our lives, no place for conceit, no place for anything of that kind. We are very ordinary people in many respects. We must walk our own way. We are here to do a work, to make something of our lives, and God our Eternal Father will bless us in so doing if we will walk in humility and prayer."

Humility is definitely something that has to be made with a concsious effort. In fact, if we think, " I am so humble..." we actually probably are not, because we are boasting about it. The most humble people would probably never say it.

And to me, true humility is recognizing God's hand in our lives. So much of our world today is "self-proclaimed". Many people feel they can do it all themselves, without any help from a higher power. Many people don't acknowledege God's presence at all and are thus built up in their pride for themselves and all they've accomplished. If we as a society, nation or world are so prideful that we remove God's presence from our lives, He will be forced to humble us.

Humility is a process. As I said above, I think that there are times and areas of my life where I feel complete humility and submissivness to the Spirit. But there are other areas where, whether I want to believe it or not, I have pride. President Hinckley acknowledged that we are here in this life to accomplish things, to "make something of our lives". With those accomplishments, does come a sense of pride in your work. It's how we react and treat others that shows the true nature of our pride. Whether we are boastful and conceited about the things we've done, or show gratitude for opportunities to learn, grow, progress and help others through those accomplishments.

This is something I am still learning. There is a fine line between feeling humble and being truly humble...its definitely a tough thing to decipher. I think truly if our heart is always in the right place and we are acknowledging God's hand in all we do, we are on the right path.

A Positive Attitude

2008-09-01T09:04:00.000-07:00

Have you ever seen the Saturday Night Live skit about Debbie Downer? If not, you have to see it. It's funny, but it really also proves the point made in this post. Click here to watch.

Debbie ruins everything with her negative outlook on pretty much any subject. Even at Disneyworld, in the above sketch, she makes all of her friends and family upset by her pessimistic comments. Obviously, the extent of a personality such as hers is exaggerated, but I have met people somewhat like this before. It's really a hard thing to be around someone who is negative much of the time, and keep a positive attitude yourself.

I myself at times have been very negative and have watched that drain the positivity right out of those I come in contact with. No one likes to be around people that are like this.

However, on the flip side, have you ever been around someone who is generally happy and positive? You want to be around someone like this because it makes you feel hope. Even in the midst of problems, these types of people see the light at the end of a tunnel.

President Hinckley tells us in Stand A Little Taller, that we as followers of Christ, have nothing to be gloomy about for very long...

"A POSITIVE ATTITUDE

Serve the Lord with gladness: come before his presence with singing....Enter into his gates with thanksgiving, and into his courts with praise: be thanksful unto him, and bless his name. ~Psalm 100 2,4

Do you feel gloomy? Lift your eyes. Stand on your feet. Say a few words of appreciation and love to the Lord. Be positive. I do not know how anybody who is a member of this Church can feel gloomy for very long. This is the day which has been spoken of by those who have gone before us. Let us live worthy of our birthright. Keep the faith. Nuture your testimonies. Walk in righteousness and the Lord will bless you and prosper you, and you will be a happy and wonderful people."~Gordon B. Hinckley

If everyone could "Stop and smell the roses..." so to speak and decide to recognize our blessings more, then the effect on each other would be inevitable. Positivity is contagious. If we spend too much time thinking negatively, we will lose opportunities to find the happiness that awaits. Alexander Graham Bell said, "When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us."

And along those lines, how can we have any faith in ourselves and accomplishing anything in this life, if things that we do are laced with pessimism? Helen Keller, someone who in my opinion could have lived and wallowed completely in self-pity, and no one would have ever question why or thought it wrong, had one of the most positive outlooks in human history.
"No pessimist ever discovered the secrets of the stars, or sailed to an uncharted land, or opened a new heaven to the human spirit. "

She knew that if she dwelled on her deafness and blindness, that she would never accomplish anything in this life. She accentuated the positives and recognized the blessings that she had, and with that, she has changed lives and made history.

We have much to be positive about in this life. One of the positives every person has in common, is that there is always time to change and be better. To make a difference. That leaves endless possibilities at our fingertips, that we all have. Positive thinking gives us power beyond what we think we are capable of. Pep talks and motivational speakers and books are not just for fun...its because positive thinking creates positive action. Negative thinking does the same thing, but with the opposite effect.

And for me, when there is something negative staring me in the face or that I am dealt with in my life, I try to think of the phrase, "This too shall pass". Because it will...and we will emerge stronger than before.

Think not only how positive thinking will bless your life...that is inevitable. But don't under estimate the power your positive outlook will have on those you come in contact with. Be a ray of sunshine in someones day, instead of a storm cloud.

Choose Friends Carefully

2008-08-30T10:38:00.000-07:00

I found todays thought in President Hinckley's Stand A Little Taller, yet again. I have had the thought of friendship on my mind for some time, but wasn't sure in which way to organize my thoughts. President Hinckley's words mirror my thoughts:

"CHOOSE FRIENDS CAREFULLY

But I have prayed for thee, that they faith fail not: and when thou art converted, strengthen thy bretheren. ~ Luke 22:32

Everybody wants friends. Everybody needs friends. No one wishes to be without them. But never lose sight of the fact that it is your friends who will lead you along the paths that you will follow. While y ou should be friendly with all people, select with great care those whom you wish to have close to you. They will be your safeguards in situations where you may vacillate between choices, and you in turn may save them."

When I first read this, I thought of the youth and how important their social interactions are. I thought of how influential friendships can be and how important it is to keep the company of friends that enjoy the same things you do and for the most part, stand for the same things that you do. While as a youth, I had a lot of friends that were of my faith, but just as many that weren't. All of my friends had special strengths that they brought out in me, and the friends that didn't share my faith and standards, respected me for what I believed. I am grateful for the diversity that I enjoyed in my high school friendships and that I didn't limit my friendships to only those that I went to church with. I am also so especially grateful for those good friends who did share my beliefs and were the glue that held me to my standards when I needed help holding on.

But I also was thinking about friendship during adulthood. Again, I have been blessed with such amazing friendships. Much of them are family relationships that I have been born into and have married into. I am grateful for the friendships that have come from these family associations and know that this is not always the case, so I feel blessed to call my family my friends.

I, as well have friendships that have lasted twenty years and I know will continue on for ever. Nothing can replace the friendship of memories and time. Those girls know me...every age of me, better than anyone else. I have friendships that have budded and grown through my young adult life that I know I could not live with out.

Ultimately, I'm so blessed that I can call my husband my best friend. No other relationship can compare and I wouldn't trade that for anything.

I think President Hinckley's counself to caution ourselves on whom we choose to have close to us, is very wise. If you are like me, you are a pretty open person. I have had a hard time in my life knowing who I can trust, and at the same time, I think there are times I've struggled with being trust worthy in my friendships. Gossip is so rampant, especially in friendships and associations with women. Those kind of relationships are not ones of much depth and definitely are not trustworthy. Realistically, not many people who participate in gossip actually admit it or feel unashamed about it. Most people wish they could stop. I've been there...I've been someone who gossiped, and occasionally, I find myself verging the line of venting and gossiping. It's so important that we are trustworthy friends and that we keep the company of trustworthy friends. Gossip ruins relationships and sometimes lives. For me, trust is the basis of any friendship. Without being able to trust that your friend can be honest with you, there's not much that is real to base a relationship upon.

Hand in hand with honesty is the ability to show who you really are. To not be a fake person. A friendship that is based upon fake pretenses can not ever truly be real. I, again, have made this mistake. Having to pretend to be something that you aren't is like living in a trap and ultimately is a lie by omission. It's unfair to yourself and to those whom you are associating with.

Lastly, there has to be love and respect. You should care for your friends deeply enough that there is a mutual respect. Friends who do not respect your wishes, standards, or beliefs ultimately have their own selfish interests in mind and friendships such as those will never be more than one sided. Friends that have respect for you will understand your needs and sympathize with your situations.

I am grateful to have friends in my life that we share trust, love and respect. It's a constant progression, learning to be a good friend, but I truly believe that surrounding yourself with good friends teaches you how to be one. A good friend will make you want to be a better person, and you will desire their righteous qualities for your own. I am the person I am today, because of the influences of my friendships in my life. I am grateful my friends have let my learn by their examples, and I hope I can continue to try to be the same kind of friend to them, that they are to me.

Because as President Hinckley stated above, "Everybody wants friends. Everybody needs friends. No one wishes to be without them." And no one should have to be.

Procrastination

2008-08-29T11:24:00.000-07:00

I won't be as long winded today as I usually am. Yesterday's post was long enough for three days I'm sure. But, I had this thought on my mind and I wanted to read about it just a little bit. I needed some good motivation to stop perpetuating my problem of PROCRASTINATION!

When I was working and had a set schedule in my life, it was so easy to keep up that schedule. I was expected to be up in morning with my running partner...she counted on me and I counted on her. I was expected to be at work. I was expected to be off by a certain time to pick up my child. People expected me and my absence would have caused a problem.

I have some areas in my life where this is still so...but not nearly as much. No one cares now if I sleep as long as my baby. No one expects me to get up and work out with them. No one knows that I threw out my healthy eating and had cake for breakfast. No one knows that instead of reading my scriptures this morning, I checked my email. No one except my husband knows that instead of studying last night, I fell asleep.

And my resolve is always this: I'll do better tomorrow. I'll start Monday. I'll begin at the beginning of the month next month. Yada-yada-yada! Yeah right...even I don't believe myself anymore. I feel like calling myself a liar...and I will, You are a liar. And the reason I am a liar about this, is because I have not tackled the real problem, which is procrastination. And really, there is no time for it.

President Spencer W. Kimball said,“One of the most serious human defects in all ages is procrastination,” and then he defined it: “an unwillingness to accept personal responsibility now."

I don't want to be someone who puts off my personal responsibilities. How can anyone ever trust me with a responsibility if I can't even trust myself?

Now, obviously I am being a little exaggerative. I'm not a lazy couch potatoe, in fact I don't even watch TV much anymore. But the things I want most in life have simple answers. For me to just take some action and "Do It"! That was President Kimballs motto..."Do It!"

This article I found on the church website, by a Ron Woods, called Taking Control of Your Life and Other Odds and Ends had some great tactics for helping get over the habit of procrastination. I would recommend reading it.
One of the tactics is to "Sneak up on it!"

And so my goal is to do just that. Sneak up on the things I want in life, little by little. I don't have to do it ALL today...but I can make little steps towards the future and make the decision that today will be a day of progress and not one of procrastination.

And to end it, some fun quotes from my new favorite quote site:

"How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world." ~Anne Frank

"How does a project get to be a year behind schedule? One day at a time."~Fred Brooks

Don't put off today. Because you'll never get it back.

The Virtue I Lack

2008-08-28T14:22:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking all morning about what topic I want to study today. I found some great focuses and tried to head in that direction, but no matter what I thought, my mind diverted back to what I am REALLY struggling with right now.

Patience.

To be completely blunt (and a bit crude) about it, I suck at it. I always thought I was a patient person...but you never know what you are really all about or made up of, until the test comes for that virtue. And for me, my patience has never truly been tested, until I became a parent. Let me revise that, a parent of an almost two year old.

So, naturally, I don't feel in any position to post on patience today . I have no words of wisdom of my own...and frankly, absolutely NO clue as to attain this virtue. But, no matter how I tried, I couldn't write this post on anything else. This makes sense to me, since (selfishly) this blog, for me, is about me learning more about things I need to work on. To find the strength, down within myself, which usually that comes for me when I organize my thoughts on paper (computer...paper, same thing).

So, I don't know if this post will help anyone, or even give anyone any comfort. I pray that it doesn't diminish the AMAZING JOY that is parenthood, or deter anyone from that precious calling. I WOULD NOT CHANGE A DAY IN MY LIFE, TO GO BACK TO MY PRE-MOTHERHOOD DAYS!!! I want to say that loud and clear so as not to confuse how I feel about the sacredness of my duties, and how much I love them with a love that's deeper than I can even describe.

But, one of the reasons parenthood is so amazing, is because it teaches you about yourself, and teaches you to be a better you. And you want that, because children deserve nothing but the best.

So, I went to the church website and searched the Gospel Library under "Patience". I found a First Presidency Message, from the Ensign, September 2002, written by now prophet, President Thomas S. Monson. He began with a story about a conversation he'd had with a stake president in Texas some years earlier. "I was met at the airport by the stake president, and while we were driving to the stake center, I said, 'President, how is everything going for you?' He responded: 'I wish you had asked me that question a week earlier, for this week has been rather eventful. On Friday I was terminated from my employment, this morning my wife came down with bronchitis, and this afternoon the family dog was struck and killed by a passing car. Other than these things, I guess everything is all right.'"

Now, I won't compare my situation to the above. My husband definitely didn't lose a job, I'm not sick, and although our dog did pass, it was over a year ago. But, honestly if you were to call me right now, and say, "How are you?" I may mask it and say a casual "Fine" and move on, because I'm a little relaxed now since it's nap time. But, if you'd have asked me an hour ago...and I actually had a spare moment to answer the phone, I would have said, "My daughter screams bloody murder if someone even LOOKS at her the wrong way. I have my windows wide open so as not to run the AC because, well, we have to eat, (haha), my neighbors probably think that I am beating the heck out of her because of the screaming! I spent the entire day yesterday mopping my floors and scrubbing down the kitchen and bathrooms, and three times today my child has spilled her juice and thrown her food from her high chair. I had to put her in time out five times within an hour, she hit her cousin, and her favorite new word is 'Mine'. On top of it all, I was up past midnight studying last night and so I'm cranky and tired. How are YOU doing?"

I know EVERY parent knows what I mean when reading that, and many of them have dealt with much more, and magnified by more than one child. For me, this is not about comparing. I know I don't have it any worse than anyone else. It's just realizing who I am, and dealing with trying to better myself when I get to those breaking points. And believe me, I'm there.

President Monson gives some great words of advice: "Life is full of difficulties, some minor and others of a more serious nature. There seems to be an unending supply of challenges for one and all. Our problem is that we often expect instantaneous solutions to such challenges, forgetting that frequently the heavenly virtue of patience is required. The counsel heard in our youth is still applicable today and should be heeded. “Hold your horses,” “Keep your shirt on,” “Slow down,” “Don’t be in such a hurry,” “Follow the rules,” “Be careful” are more than trite expressions. They describe sincere counsel and speak the wisdom of experience."

I feel like I have learned patience in other areas of my life. I am less anxious for "tomorrow" to come than I used to be. I used to feel like I always wanted the next "good thing" to happen, and I was so impatient with whatever current frustrating situation I was in. I feel like in most instances, I have learned to recognize the good and the lessons I am to be learning from those circumstances, and have been able to endure with faith and patience.

But, every morning I get up and pray for patience. And the thought that's on my mind, is developing patience so that I can be a better mother, (and so that I don't go running from my house screaming and end up in a straight jacket). I should know, that when I pray for something I am going to be tested. How would I learn patience just by the problem being taken away. I can't pray, "Father give me patience", and expect the lack of the need for it to teach me. Right? I mean, it seems like one that prays for a virtue, should understand that the lesson that comes with it to teach them the virtue, is inevitable. I know that I will learn patience...and I also know, for a fact, that I will lose it as well.

Often.

It will be a back and forth battle continuously, but as I pray and try each day, I know that I am working towards that virtue, little by little. This lesson to learn is a small price to pay, to be entrusted with this most important calling. I found a 1990 Ensign article by James E. Faust that describes this sacred duty well. He said, "While few human challenges are greater than that of being good parents, few opportunities offer greater potential for joy. Surely no more important work is to be done in this world than preparing our children to be God-fearing, happy, honorable, and productive. Parents will find no more fulfilling happiness than to have their children honor them and their teachings. It is the glory of parenthood. John testified, “I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth.” (3 John 1:4) In my opinion, the teaching, rearing, and training of children requires more intelligence, intuitive understanding, humility, strength, wisdom, spirituality, perseverance, and hard work than any other challenge we might have in life."

There are so many challenges in life. I have many more to come aside from parenthood, and I will need patience to persevere in those. I know that what I am learning now, will serve me for a life time.

So: Thank you, my dear Father for this sacred opportunity of motherhood, You thought me worthy enough to attempt. Thank you to my husband, who learns and parents patiently along side me. And most especially, thank you to my child, and future children, for letting me learn to be a better person, with you as my teacher(s).

Lastly, I found a cool quote website, wisdomquotes.com. There's some pretty cool stuff on here. Here are two of my favorites on patience:

"We could never learn to be brave and patient if there were only joy in the world." ~Hellen Keller

"Patience and perseverance have a magical effect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish."~John Quincy Adams

And then on children. I couldn't choose. There were a lot, but they are good if you have the time to read them.

"Children require guidance and sympathy far more than instruction."~Annie Sullivan

"Human beings are the only creatures that allow their children to come back home."~Bill Cosby (Haha...I love that guy!)

"It is very difficult and expensive to undo after you are married the things that your mother and father did to you while you were putting your first six birthdays behind you." ~Bureau of Social Hygiene Study, 1928. (Talk about pressure, haha)

"One generation plants the trees; another gets the shade." ~Chinese Proverb (Future son and daughter in laws, this is for you!! )

"The best way to keep children home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant -- and let the air out of the tires."~Dorothy Parker

"How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of the weak and strong. Because someday in life you will have been all of these."~George Washington Carver

"Before you were conceived I wanted you. Before you were born I loved you. Before you were here an hour I would die for you. This is the miracle of life."~Maureen Hawkins

"If you bungle raising your children, I don't think whatever else you do well matters very much."~Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis

"Nothing you do for children is ever wasted. They seem not to notice us, hovering, averting our eyes, and they seldom offer thanks, but what we do for them is never wasted."~Garrison Keillor

"There never was a child so lovely, but his mother was glad to get him asleep."~Ralph Waldo Emerson

And my very favorite:

"Making the decision to have a child - it's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking outside your body." ~Elizabeth Stone

And I end this post, renewed with faith that I will make it through a million more days like this, and find the patience within to endure. Because I am doing it for my heart, who is napping in her crib upstairs.

Prayer

2008-08-27T06:54:00.000-07:00

It's late at night, you are falling asleep watching TV or reading a book and a thought flickers in the back of your mind. Your eyelids are heavy, and you can't remember what you just watched or read for the last two minutes and save the two seconds that it will take to flip off the tv or light, you could fall asleep this very second. The thought is still flickering that you have not yet prayed-sometimes, you fall asleep thinking that thought, "K, I'm going to kneel down in thirty seconds to pray." Sometimes I even start counting; I don't remember getting to ten. Or sometimes, I bargain with myself to fold my arms lying flat on my back in prayer...just tonight, I'll pray laying down. I don't remember getting past my thanks for the day that day, and the next thing I know, it's morning.

I could continue this example on into the morning...the busyness that is our lives jumping into our morning, before we get a chance to turn around and kneel beside our bed in the morning to pray to Heavenly Father. When you sit and think about it, about all that we may or will encounter that day, the safety that we need for us and others, and the strength and guidance to get through the trials of our day, how can we forget such an important step?

I will rat myself out and tell you the above two situations are more frequent than I'd like to admit in my personal life. Why is this so hard for me? We do great with morning and evening couple prayers, but finding that personal time to talk with the Lord, seems to be a bigger struggle than it should.

Like anything else, prayer is a process. You know you have a relationship with your Heavenly Father, but how comfortable is it? Like any other relationship, how well does the conversation flow? It flows easier when your talks are more frequent and you feel you can open up to that person. I think its the same thing with the Lord.

" 'We learn to pray by praying. One can devote countless hours to examining the experiences of others, but nothing penetrates the human heart as does a personal fervent prayer and its heaven-sent response.'~Thomas S. Monson (Ensign, October 2004)

Prayer is the soul's sincere desire,

Uttered or unexpressed,

The motion of a hidden fire

That trembles in the breast...

Prayer is the simplest form of speech

That infant lips can try;

Prayer, the sublimest strains that reach

The Majesty on high. (Hymns, no. 145)

'We build a relationship of love and trust with Heavenly Father through sincere and frequent prayer. Heartfelt communion with the Infinite can soften souls and draw our thoughts and desires heavenward. In humble prayer, we realize our dependence upon God, the Giver of life and everything in it. As we express sincere gratitude and meekly supplicate, we remember that we are His children and that He loves us with a pure and constant love. May we ever seek to pray.' ~Lloyd D. Newell" (Come, Listen to a Prophets Voice, Lloyd D. Newell.)

I know that deep within my heart, I truly want the Lord to feel what I'm feeling and know the desires of my heart. Sometimes, I think I assume that just because He knows me so infinitely well, and knows my mind and heart, that maybe that's enough. While it is important to go through out our day with a prayer in our heart, its not enough. The Lord wants to be asked. He wants us to formally recognize our blessings, and we owe Him the gratitude of a sincere thanks.

My Relief Society president shared a story with us this last Sunday about one of her daughters. This particular daughter is having a hard time conceiving a child. She had described that while her daughter was raised in the Gospel, she is not too active in the church. My Relief Society president had attended the temple recently and spent hours there, praying and pondering on each of her six children individually. When praying for this daughter, my Relief Society president said she was inquiring with the Lord about her daughters ability to get pregnant. She felt the Lords reply, "She needs to ask me." Now, even though the daughter was not as active as before, my Relief Society president had assumed she had still been praying. In speaking with her daughter after this experience, her daughter was expressing her desperation and sorrow in her inability to get pregnant. Her mother asked her, "Have you prayed and asked the Lord?" She replied that He knew she wanted to have a baby. How could He not know? And she again said to her daughter, "But have you asked the Lord?" Her daughter expressed to her mother, that she hadn't been praying and that she didn't feel worthy to pray for such a thing, especially when there were so many other women out there that were having the same difficulties, that maybe she felt were more worthy of motherhood.

We are ALL worthy of prayer. The Lord is there for each and every one of us. Yes, it is true that He knows the desires of our hearts, but He wants us to acknowledge His hand and presence in our lives. We do that, through our sincere prayers of gratitude, and our sincere pleas for comfort, peace and blessings.

As the above Mormonad states, "If you're missing PEACE and seeking answers, prayer might be the piece you're missing." (See 3 Nephi 18:20).

In a world of chaos and uncertainty, He waits for us to come to Him, so that He can guide us.

Opposition

2008-08-26T12:37:00.000-07:00

Everything has its opposite. Light and dark. Hot and cold. Happiness and sadness. Pain and pleasure. We have been taught, through the fall of Adam, that we were sent to this earth to experience opposition, so that we might know the good from the evil.

In Moses 5:11, Eve says, "Were it not for our transgression we never should have had seed, and never should have known good and evil, and the joy of our redemption, and the eternal life which God giveth unto all the obedient."

It's hard whilst in pain, darkness or sadness to see that these things are for our learning, so that we might be able to recognize our blessings. Sometimes it seems it might be easier, just to have everything be perfectly wonderful all of the time; to not have to worry...but without the opposition in life, we would not know the beauty of our blessings. President Gordon B. Hinckley said, "The valleys of discouragement make more beautiful the peaks of achievement."

How do we do that? How do we sit back in our despair and trial and "see the bright side," when all we are feeling is lost? It's very hard to do, but luckily, we have the ability to go to our Heavenly Father in prayer and ask for His comfort. Sometimes, that's all we get is comfort. Not an answer that everything is going to be okay, or that we will not deal with despair any longer, but just the assurance that everything will be okay.

We are promised that when we live righteous lives, and do what the Lord says, that He will bless us. “I, the Lord, am bound when ye do what I say; but when ye do not what I say, ye have no promise” (D&C 82:10) So, our comfort comes in knowing we are doing the right things and progressing towards becoming more like Him. We have great blessings promised to us, when we are living God's law.

I, personally, am a worrier. I am a stress-er. I am an anxiety attack waiting to happen. I have let that kind of thinking debilitate me in so many ways, but lately, I have been really trying hard to accept the opposition in life. Things can't always be wonderful, and the reality is that! That there is opposition in all things! Until this time in my life, I haven't been able to truly look at our trials and struggles with an appreciation for the lessons that I can learn from them. It's a daily battle, to find the courage to get up and fight through the feelings of stress, anxiety and worry, but I am comforted in the Lord's promise, and in the words of a prophet that assure me that we must taste the bitter to know the sweet. And in my heart, through the comfort that the Spirit of the Lord provides, I feel that sweet assurance and peace, that we can and will endure.

Love

2008-08-25T09:54:00.000-07:00

(Written by a teenager)
Love. The most frequently used word in the English language. I wonder why it is used so often when there seems to be so very little of it left in the world. Maybe someday like me, you’ll learn the real meaning of it.

I suppose the whole story started the day my sister was born. From the moment she was carried into the house, my life has been one big contest.

You see, I was five when she was born and had always been the center of attention. Everybody spoiled me with candy and toys. It was always, "How's my little Leslie? I have a big surprise for you!” After that they'd take me to the circus and buy me everything in sight. So you can see that for someone else to just come along and steal the spotlight was a terrible blow.

Yes, the second she entered that house I was thrown aside, while she was smothered with "ooo's" and "aaa's" It's understandable though. She was a beautiful baby. Visiting relatives would lean over her crib and she'd smile, gurgle, and kick her chubby legs at them.

I remember once when I was rocking her to sleep in her cradle I gave it one mighty shove and she came tumbling out. She wasn't hurt, but I was punished.

As Julie grew up matters got worse. She had this terrible habit of following me around wherever I went. It was always "Can I come with you. Leslie?"

"No! So will you layoff, you little brat! Beat it.” She'd always start to cry. Then my mother would come running and I'd get in trouble. The same thing all the time. Wherever I went, Julie went. All her little hints of love and affection just made me hate her more.

Once I tried to tell my mother how I felt about Julie. I guess my wording wasn't right. "Mom, I hate Julie ... " but before I could finish my sentence I got a Slap on the mouth and an angry answer.

"Why Leslie, how dare you say such a thing about your sister who loves you! You go to your room this minute!"

Well that's how things were in our household. That is, until two weeks ago. It was just a regular Saturday. I was bored to death and awfully cranky. My homework wasn't done, but I was in no mood to it. After lunch my mother asked me to mail a letter for her. The mailbox was just two blocks away and I had nothing to do, so I agreed. I was about to leave when Julie, as usual, asked if she could go.

I was too tired to argue so I said okay.

As we were walking I began to feel better. It was a beautiful day. The air was cool, and the wind slapped my face until it really woke me up.

Before I knew it, we were almost to the mailbox. Julie, who was getting bored because I hadn't spoken a word the whole way, suddenly grabbed the letter and yelled, "Race you to the mailbox!” She darted out into the street, heading for the box on, the other side. She never made it.

It all happened so quickly that I didn’t even have time to call out. A car suddenly swerved around the corner, heading right for Julie. I opened my mouth to scream but nothing came out. The next thing I knew she was on the ground.

Everything after that was just a blurry nightmare. I guess the man who hit her called an ambulance. I think I just froze in my place with my mouth open, waiting to scream.

I suppose most people would have cried or gone hysterical, but I didn't. I didn't feel a thing. Just empty, as if someone had cut a big hole in me. Empty. That's all
Finally, somehow, they got her to the hospital ... I was in the waiting room with my parents. After what seemed like a century, the doctor came out. One look at his face, and I knew.

My parents rose as he walked toward us. They probably knew too, but you could still see a tiny glimmer of hope in their eyes.

"I'm sorry," he said, looking down at his hands. "I don't think she'll make it; she's got one in a million chance."

Then I felt it. That thing called love. It came in a rush from way down deep, after being hidden all these years. Hard to believe, isn't it? I loved my sister and didn't know it for ten years.

That night I asked to see her. Of course, at first, they said no; but finally I was allowed a short visit.

I tiptoed into her room hoping she wouldn’t be asleep. She wasn't. She was lying very still, staring at the ceiling. When she heard me come in, she turned and smiled weakly. Oh, she was so pale.

"Hi Julie."

"Hi."

I sat down by her bed and held her hand tightly.

"Leslie. "

"Yeah?"

"Can I ask you something?”
"Sure”.

"Leslie, why did you come to see me?"

With tears streaming down my face I answered, "Because I love you, Julie.” For the first time in her life she looked really happy. I mean really happy!

I leaned over and kissed her gently on ,the cheek.

"I love you too, Leslie."

With a smile on her face she died. LOVE. You never know you have it until you lose it!

My dad had used this story in a talk he had given and it really touched me. I will never forget it. Recently I asked him to email it to me, because I have to give a talk, and so I thought I would share the story with you.

There's not much else I can add to this story, it was said so well. It just made me realize how much love I have in my life, and that so much of it, I take for granted. I think if we thought of every moment that we get with the ones we love, as if it was our last, our hearts would be forever filled with love and compassion for those in our lives.

"We Love to Laugh...ha, ha, ha, ha...Loud and Long and Clear!"

2008-08-23T16:15:00.000-07:00

I love the part in Mary Poppins when they went to check on their friend (the doctor or something? I don't know, whoever that guy was) because he was laughing so much he was on the ceiling. And then his laughing was so infectious that soon Bert ended up in gut busting laughter, with Michael and Jane following soon after. Finally, Mary Poppins gave in and joined them on the ceiling for a tea party, and they had their fun. I love the song they sing, "I love to laugh, ha ha ha ha, loud and long and clear."

I think its important to laugh and have humor in our lives. In Stand A Little Taller, it says:

"A TOUCH OF HUMOR

A merry heart maketh a cheerful countenance.- Proverbs 15:13

We need to have a little humor in our lives. We better take seriously that which should be taken seriously, but at the same time we can bring in a touch of humor now and again. If the time ever comes when we can't smile at ourselves, it will be a sad time."-Gordon B. Hinckley

I was raised in a family of very funny, witty people. I then married into a family of very funny and witty people. Humor is a big part of my life. I have learned to laugh at myself and I think its a good thing. I can be a klutz, and a ditz, and I think its good to be able to laugh things off and make fun of yourself every once in a while.

It's important that we remember that we need to, as President Hinckley says, take the serious things seriously, but we need to allow ourselves the joy that is humor. After all, "...men are, that they might have joy."-2 Nephi 2:25.

I found an article by a BYU Professor, Gary K. Palmer: Teaching Professor of Recreation Management and Youth Leadership. He talked of the power of laughter. He told personal story about finding humor in his own stressful situations.

"One Sunday in sacrament meeting, my four-year-old son was making a major disturbance. After several minutes of trying to calm him down, I picked him up, tucked him under my arm like a sack of potatoes, and headed for the nearest exit. Shocked by the sudden departure, my son looked up at me and said, “Hey, Dad, where we goin’?” His innocent comment caught me by surprise and defused my anger instantly. He had no idea he was in trouble. He thought we were going out to play."

Children are great examples of finding the simple humor in life. Sometimes, I think we all need to just RELAX a little, and laugh. It's healthy for you. For "a merry heart doeth good like a medicine,” says Proverbs 7:22 .

Brother Palmers talk gives some great references to this:

"Studies show that humor and laughter help people live longer, happier lives; be more creative and productive; and have more energy with less physical discomfort.

*Humor reduces stress, fear, intimidation, embarrassment, and anger.

*Laughter also has extraordinary healing power.

*When a person laughs, blood pressure decreases, heart rate and respiration increase, the body releases endorphins, and depression declines.

*After the laughter subsides and you relax again, that good feeling has a lasting effect, even until the next day.Not many medicines will do that."

A study also referenced in Brother Palmers talk states that "On average, children laugh 400 times a day, while adults laugh about 15 times." Personally, I think I could use 385 more laughs to get me through my day. Maybe I need to start taking cues from my toddler, and instead of getting upset when she comes in covered with my make-up, just grab my camera and laugh.

So, that is my challenge to myself, and anyone else who wants to do it. To laugh more today; to laugh more everyday. To find the simple humors that make this life so enjoyable.

Armed for Battle

2008-08-22T09:10:00.000-07:00

My husband and I were reading in Alma 43 the other night, about Moroni leading the Nephites to defend against the Lamanites. I am inspired by many things in this chapter.

The fact that Moroni was only TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD during this time that he led an army is amazing to me. It's an example to me that there is no age requirement, or limit, for standing and being an example of the Gospel. I know I have been inspired by many of all ages, especially the youth and what they go through today.

This chapter also really hit home with me for our day. I know the point of reading the scriptures is to liken it to ourselves and our day, but sometimes, its a deep dig to find the relevance. For this chapter, it spoke to me loud and clear. The Lamanites (who were a mixture of the rebelling decendents of the Nephites--the Amalekites and Zoramites-- as well as decendents from the priests of Noah), were coming against the Nephites, who were righteous, in battle. The objective of the battle, was to bring the Nephites into subjection, to gain power over them and bring them into bondage. If we all remember the Title of Liberty, we remember what the Nephites were fighting for; their wives, their children, their homes, their land, their rights, their priveleges, their liberty and right to worship God. An inspiring part of this chapter, is the description of their preparations for battle:

19 And when the armies of the Lamanites saw that the people of Nephi, or that Moroni, had prepared his people with breastplates and with arm-shields, yea, and also shields to defend their heads, and also they were dressed with thick clothing—

20 Now the army of Zerahemnah was not prepared with any such thing; they had only their swords and their cimeters, their bows and their arrows, their stones and their slings; and they were naked, save it were a skin which was girded about their loins; yea, all were naked, save it were the Zoramites and the Amalekites;

21 But they were not armed with breastplates, nor shields—therefore, they were exceedingly afraid of the armies of the Nephites because of their armor, notwithstanding their number being so much greater than the Nephites.

This really made me think of how we are spiritually preparing ourselves to come against the evil of our day. They may think that they are armed with all manner of weapons, as did the Lamanites, but they lack the armor to protect themselves from the weapons of the opponent. As followers of Christ, we have the opportunity to arm ourselves with spiritual breastplates and sheilds. The Lord gives us commandments and guidance to act as armor, and we must choose whether we are willing to take the necessary precautions to prepare for war.

Because, that's where we are. We are in a spiritual battle even today to protect what we believe in. Tell me verse 47 doesn't explain exactly, the fight we are fighting today:

47 ...Therefore for this cause were the Nephites contending with the Lamanites, to defend themselves, and their families, and their lands, their country, and their rights, and their religion.

Now, this blog is not meant to be political in the least, but right now our rights are in danger. As stated above, we are being forced every day to defend our families, our lands, our country, our rights and our religion. A specific battle that we are being called upon to fight in, is in the battle to protect marraige and family by supporting and educating others on Proposition 8. We are to be Christ-like and non- discriminitive in our efforts, but at the same time we can't sit by and watch everything we believe in be lost in battle. We have to arm ourselves with righteousness to battle for what we believe in, as did the Nephites. We were saved to be the army in these Latter Days, and I hope that I can prepare myself to be the warrior that Heavenly Father needs me to be.

Divine Reflection

2008-08-21T08:47:00.000-07:00

For the ladies (not that any men read this, but just in case):

How many times a day do you look in the mirror at your reflection? I'm not just talking about your bathroom mirror when you're getting ready...there's the car mirror, reflective windows at the store, each time you use the bathroom, etc. And what are we looking for? To see if we look presentable to the world. To make sure our hair is in place, our make up is still there and our outfit isn't sticking in the wrong places so we don't look fat...and the list goes on. Obviously the desire to look acceptable and appealing is in human nature, and we should care about our physical appearance enough to take care of ourselves, our health and our hygiene. However, we all know that in our society, especially for women, there is a huge pressure to look perfect. Whatever that is?? Size 2, size 10?? Blond, brunette? Short hair, long hair? This kind of pressure is a never ending cycle of self doubt and low self esteem, because no one is ever going to be the most beautiful, the most fit, the best dresser. It's impossible, yet we all keep trying. Now, there is nothing wrong with wanting to look good, unless we are wrapping up our looks in our own self worth.

As a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, I know that I am a beloved daughter of heavenly parents. I have been taught such since I was a young sunbeam, as have many of you. Why then, is it so hard for us to get it through our thick, painted, dyed and hair sprayed heads?? Just kidding...well, kind of. But seriously, myself included, we don't think enough about our divine characteristics of being a daughter of God.

What got me thinking about this was the Visiting Teaching Message this month. I was in charge of the lesson this month in my companionship and it made me really study and think about the message which is called, "Each Sister is a Beloved Daughter of Heavenly Parents and has a Divine Destiny."

First of all we have to understand what that means. President James E. Faust explains it well. "A conviction that you are a daughter of God gives you a feeling of comfort in your self-worth. It means that you can find strength in the balm of Christ. It will help you meet the heartaches and challenges with faith and serenity" ("What It Means to Be a Daughter of God," Liahona, Jan. 2000, 123; Ensign, Nov. 1999, 102). If we truly understand this concept of being literal offspring of Deity, then we should be comforted in knowing we are of infinite worth, and with that knowledge we can take life's challenges head on.

We then have to decipher in and of ourselves, what exactly our individual divine destiny is, and what tools we have been blessed with to achieve that destiny. President Spencer W. Kimball said, "All of you need to drink in deeply the gospel truths about the eternal nature of your individual identity and the uniqueness of your personality. You need, more and more, to feel the perfect love which our father in Heaven has for you and to sense the value he places upon you as an individual. Ponder upon these great truths, especially in those moments when (in the stillness of such anxiety as you may experience as an individual) you might otherwise wonder and be perplexed" (Teachings of Presidents of the church: Spencer W. Kimball [2006], 222).

I don't know about you, but I have many moments where "in the stillness of anxiety", I am "otherwise perplexed" when it comes to understanding the "eternal nature of my individual identity and uniqueness of my personality". We tend to think that we are not important or that we have to conform to a certain way, or be like someone else, but we are told here, by a Prophet of God, that the Lord places much value upon us each individually. I, myself, question a lot of my personality traits and characteristics (all physical appearance issues aside. We're women, we know we all have them). Sometimes I've questioned why I am the way I am; why I have the personality I do. There are times when I've viewed certain attributes I have as a weakness, and other times, that same attribute as a strength. At times, I've let others lead me to believe that something that I think is a strength, is a weakness.

But, something that this lesson brought out for me, is that I need to look at these attributes and characteristics as what they are; divine tools. I was MEANT to be the way that I am. That doesn't mean I can't improve upon my weaknesses for the better, repent of my sins and change unrighteous ways. But, and I will say it again, I WAS MEANT TO BE THE WAY THAT I AM. Motor mouth and all. haha :) Because for some reason, that's who I need to be. My talents and strengths are rusty and jagged...I'm not even sure how I'm supposed to use them all of the time. But we are all in the refiners fire. We, as tools, are being shaped and formed into what He would have us become. He knows the big picture. He knows what lives we are going to touch, and why we are the way that we are. YOU WERE MEANT TO BE THE WAY YOU ARE! And don't let anyone ever tell you any differently.

Which leads me to a quick side note. Yesterday I was reading my thought for the day out of Gordon B. Hinckley's, Stand A Little Taller, and it coincided with this thought well.

"ESTEEM FOR OTHERS

Therefore, strengthen your bretheren (sisters) in all your conversation, in all your prayers, in all your exhortations, and in all your doings. -Doctrine and Covenants 108:7

Do not indulge in put-downs, in pessimism, in self recrimination. Never make fun at the expense of another. Look for virtue in the lives of all with whom you associate." - Gordon B. Hinckley

I think this thought goes hand in hand with understanding our own self worth and divinity. We have a responsibility to uphold each other and help each other, especially as daughters of God. I am guilty myself of pessimism, of put downs, of making fun of others. I pray that any of my selfishness has not affected any ones view of their own divinity. What a horrible conviction upon my head at judgement day if I have spent any of my time tearing others down and messing with their own views of their self worth. I know that we all know what it feels like to be made fun of for one reason or another, and that those feelings of insecurity and inadequacy are very hard to shake off. I'm ashamed that I've probably made someone else feel that way at some point or another.

I think as we begin to understand our own self worth, we feel better about ourselves, and less inclined to judge others or cut them down. It all goes in hand and hand. We help each other feel our individual worth and divine destiny.

So, ladies...let's go! Let's help build each other up for the fabulous women we all are. Inside and out! You go girls!

Living Beneath Our Privileges

2008-08-20T08:02:00.000-07:00

Having this blog as an outlet has made me realize how much there really is to ponder on and learn each day. How there are so many lessons, every day, in life to look on. There are a lot of opportunities to draw spiritual nourishment from, and places where we can find inspiration and insight.

A very obvious place for me, has been the Daily Gems that I get in my email from the LDS website. Yesterday's quote really hit me on why its important to do daily reflection and growth:

Living Beneath Our Privileges

"The path to eternal life is not on a plateau. Rather, it is an incline, ever onward and upward. Hence, ever increasing spiritual understanding and energy are required to reach our destination. Because the pernicious opposition by Satan continues, the continuous enlightened guidance of the Holy Ghost is absolutely essential. We dare not hinder, disregard, or quench the promptings of the Holy Spirit. Yet when it comes to drawing upon the promptings and the blessings which flow from the Holy Ghost, we often 'live far beneath our privileges' (Brigham Young, Discourses of Brigham Young, sel. John S. Widtsoe [1954], 32)."
Keith K. Hilbig, "Quench Not the Spirit Which Quickens the Inner Man," Ensign, Nov. 2007, 38

I love that saying, "living far beneath our privileges". I was just thinking about this yesterday. I was thinking about how many problems I have tried to deal with on my own, to no avail, because I just never thought to go to the Lord with it. I've thought about callings or tasks I've attempted without seeking the guidance and direction from the Lord to help give me strength. It made me realize how much more is out there for us to learn, and how there is an infinite amount of support for us from the Lord if we ask for it.

It also reiterates for me why I started this blog. Because I am SO imperfect. So beyond imperfect, that, I NEED THIS! I need every day to think about the Gospel, to remind myself of Gospel principles, and work on something. Because as it was stated above..."the path to eternal life is not on a plateau. Rather, it is an incline, ever onward and upward." That means, we are never there. In this life, at least. Now, we can either take that as a disappointing reality to discourage us from even trying, or as motivation to know that, no matter what, even if we spend our whole life trudging up hill, that we did it. That we kept learning, kept progressing, kept trying.

Sometimes you do just want to sit idly. It seems so much easier at the time. But I can speak from some experience, that I've done it. And ultimately I look back and realize that I have missed out on lessons learned. I realized that my stop has pushed me that much further down the hill of my progression. And although I know I can regain that, and keep on climbing, its not worth the "break" I took. Because my stop gave Satan a way in, and he is waiting every second to push you down that hill. That risk is far too great.

Who would ever want to limit themselves? Who would ever WANT to live beneath our privileges. We have the whole world, every opportunity given to us to draw things from and progress to an eternal life. This is something I need to remember every day. I need to realize just how privileged I truly am. More so than I would even like to believe sometimes. I have been given every blessing and opportunity that I need to make it back to be with my Father in Heaven.

Even if that means that for the rest of our lives, we are fighting an uphill battle...we're still fighting.

Somebody's Hero

2008-08-19T07:46:00.000-07:00

I was driving in the car yesterday, listening to a country station and a song came on that I'd recognized hearing. I even kind of knew the chorus absentmindedly singing along without really thinking. But I stopped to listen to the words this time...really listen. Soon, the tears began to stream down my face. The song was "Somebody's Hero"-Jamie O'Neal. The lyrics are below, as well as a link to the music video. I suggest the video for the full effect...

Music Video

Somebody's Her0-Jamie O'Neal
She's never pulled anyone from a burning building
She's never rocked Central Park to a half a million fans,
screaming out her name
She's never hit a shot to win the game
She's never left her footprints on the moon
She's never made a solo hot air balloon ride,
around the world,
No, she's just your everyday average girl (but)

She's somebody's hero
A hero to her baby with a skinned up knee
A little kiss is all she needs
The keeper of the cheerios
The voice that brings Snow White to life
Bedtime stories every night
And that smile lets her know
She's somebody's hero
She didn't get a check every week like a nine-to fiver
But she's been a waiter, and a cook and a taxi driver
For twenty years, there at home,
until the day her girl was grown
Giving all her love to her was her life's ambition
But now her baby's movin' on,
and she'll soon be missin' her
But not today, those are tears of joy runnin' down her face

She's somebody's hero
A hero to her daughter in her wedding dress
She gave her wings to leave the nest
It hurts to let her baby go down the aisle she walks right by
Looks back into her mother's eyes
And that smile lets her know
She's somebody's hero

Thirty years have flown right past
Her daughters' starin' at all the photographs
Of her mother, and she wishes she could be like that
Oh, but she already is
She's somebody's hero
A hero to her mother in a rockin' chair
She runs a brush through her silver hair
The envy of the nursing home
She drops by every afternoon
Feeds her mama with a spoon
And that smile lets her know
Her mother's smile lets her know
She's somebody's hero

I felt connected to this song on a number of levels. I first thought of my own sweet baby. I looked into the backseat where she was asleep in her carseat, and I just imagined how the years are going to absolutely fly by...and how that process has already blown my mind. I pictured that not too long from now, I'll be there helping her put her veil in her hair and she'll be wiping my tears.

I also connected this song with one of my own hero's; my mother, and for all of the same reasons that I felt that way about my baby. And because I know for so many years, she has done so much for her family, without the same recognition or reward one would get for many other accomplishments in life. I'm so grateful to her for instilling in me what an important role a mother plays in a childs life, and always being there to be my friend and hero.

Lastly, I really felt connected to another one of my hero's; my husband. Even though this song sort of focused on the bond between a mother and daughter, I thought of all that my husband does for our family, a lot of times without recognition. His sacrifices for our family are immeasurable and just as important as anything that I do at home, because its why we have a home and a life.

I know this post is a little bit on the personal side, and doesn't really seem to be on the "spiritual" side, but I actually would like to tie in a quote from Stand a Little Taller.

"REARING CHILDREN

But I have commanded you to bring up your children in light and truth.- Doctrine and Coventants 93:40

Rear your children in love, in the nurtue and admonition of the Lord. Take care of your little ones, welcome them into your homes, and love them with all your hearts. They may do, in the years that come, some things you would not want them to do, but be patient, be patient. You have not failed as long as you have tried. Never forget that."-Gordon B. Hinckley

And so today, what my thought is going to be on is trying. Trying so hard to be exactly the type of mother I dream of. I know I will fail in many efforts. I know sometimes it will feel unacknowledged and I will walk away from a day asking myself what I have even accomplished, but I will always continue to try. Because, as President Hinckley stated, "You have not failed as long as you have tried." I think the same is true for fathers.

One of the greatest callings we can hold is being a parent. We are entrusted with another of God's children and are responsible for teaching them, by example, to be righteous and love God. I'm overwhelmed and so incredibly grateful for my opportunities to experience parenthood. I'm grateful that there are so many wonderful examples to look to in life all around me of people that are "Somebody's Hero". Whether you are rearing your children side by side with a spouse, or a single mother, single father...whatever the situation may be, YOU are somebody's hero...and your efforts will make all the difference in their lives.

Love At Home

2008-08-16T17:24:00.001-07:00

Remember when you were a kid, and you'd fight with your siblings and your mother would come in singing, "There is beauty all around...when there's love at home..." and we'd all roll our eyes and say, "Oh, mom!"

Okay, what happens when now YOU are that Mom and trying to be the peacemaker in your home, and singing "Love At Home" is the exact last thing on your mind? It's enough to make you want to cry for your own Mommy to come save the day.

Today, I had my "few hours" of that. I don't want to say it was a moment, because if I classifed it as a moment, that would make it seem brief, which it was definitely not. Marriage is really hard...parenthood is really hard, and sometimes, you just want to not have the knowledge and maturity that you do, so that you can just throw your temper tantrum and feel okay about it. Otherwise, if you're me, you throw your temper tantrum anyway, and then feel bad about it enough to go write a blog on it. :) Hey, that's how I deal.

I won't go into details about why or what even happened to provoke the temper tantrums, because I don't want to make the blog THAT personal, but I will say, as in most marital disagreements, we were both at fault. I can admit though I'm the one who ate two spoonfulls of chocolate frosting afterward. That might give you some insight into maybe why my MOODINESS (hint, hint) came into play.

And I will say, it's all good now, and my husband and I love each other insanely. He is the most wonderful man and I'm so grateful for him for so many, many reasons. Sometimes though, he ticks me off. I think thats part of marriage...and in a way, I think it's healthy.

So, part of the way that he gets over things is that he ponders quietly (sleeps)...and he just gets over it. Like, snap...it's done. I've gotten better at that, where we can just do "knuckles" and say "Truce?". I've amazed myself with that, since I'm usually a big dweller. However, today, I'm dwelling a little. But in a good way. I pulled out my trusty new favorite book, Stand A Little Taller, by Gordon B. Hinckley, and flipped through the days that have already past this year. I found a great thought on February 21. Goes like this...

"LOVE AT HOME

Cease to be idele;cease to be unclean; cease to find fault one with another;...And above all things, clothe yourselves with the bond of charity, as with a mantle, which is the bond of perfectness and peace. -Doctrine and Covenants 88:124-25

Imagine how our own families, let alone the world, would change if we vowed to keep faith with one another, strengthen one another, look for and accentuate the virtues in one another, and speak graciously concerning one another. Imagine the cumulative effect if we treated each other wit hrespect and acceptance, if we willingly provided support. Such interactions practiced on a small scale would surely have a rippling effect throughout our homes and communities and, eventually, society at large."- Gordon B. Hinckley

So for me, what this quote meant was that, although its really easy to take our anger or frustrations out on those that we love the most, because we know they love us and will forgive us, it's truly not fair. They are the ones with whom we should give the MOST respect. Especially our spouse...our best friend. That scripture really hits home when it says, "...cease to find fault one with another..." because sometimes, it seems thats all we do. It's so much easier to down play your own problems, when pointing your finger at someone else. But when the Lord says, "Cease..." we should probably stop. And really, after the adrenaline slows down and after the (chocolate frosting settles in your stomach), and you humble yourself to realize you had some finger pointing to do at yourself, then you wish that maybe you had just ceased from the very beginning.

Ultimately, we are human...and ultimately as I stated above, marriage is hard and parenthood is hard. We are all going to lose our tempers and sometimes our home will no always be in a mood of breaking out in hymns. That's a reality. But, for me, I hope that I can learn from this that its not worth it to continue on pointing fingers to fault find because all its going to bring is regret. Coupled with the regret from the dang chocolate frosting....

Open Your Ears

2008-08-15T08:26:00.000-07:00

I wasn't sure if I was going to post today or not...I don't even think this blog has even had any visitors yet, but like I mentioned in my reasoning for this blog, is that a big part of it is for me to ponder and reflect, and I do that best with words. So, even if I'm just writing to myself, here is my thought.

I decided yesterday after I looked in the book Standing a Little Taller that I would like to actually use it for its purpose and read the thought of the day each morning. Again, what I found was in perfect alignment with where my mind was already heading for the next post. I will write the quote, and then explain what I mean...

"CIVILITY IS A VIRTUE

Above all these things put on charity, which is the bond of perfectness. -Colossians 3:14

Caring for others, seeing and teaching beyond our own wants and comforts, cultivating kindness and gentility towards others from all of life's situations and circumstances- these are the essense of civility, a virtue to be admired, a virtue to be acquired."- Gordon B. Hinckley

Okay, so my "sister-friend" has sort of inspired my thought process. She was telling me the other day about an experience she had at an activity class that she takes her child to. There was a woman there, a very young, very cute, very stylish girl, who had just had her second baby...and looked like she'd never even had a baby in the first place. Yeah ladies, you know the kind. The perfect looking ones that no matter of belly stretching puts a stretchmark on them, and their stomach is flat as they leave the hospital. Lucky gals. Anyway, so my "sister-friend" at first was unsure whether or not this woman would be snobby. Now, do not think badly of my "sister-friend"...what she thought was human nature, and despite her fears or pre-judgements, they began to talk and my "sister-friend" found that they had a lot to talk about. So, long story short, after their class one day, this woman is leaving, and my "sister-friend" can tell that she is really flustered with her toddler and her newborn. My "sister-friend" can absolutely relate, because she has two herself and had been through that stage. So, she quickly goes up to them before she leaves and asks her if she has any help during the day. She says that she doesn't, and my "sister-friend" says, "Well, would you like me to take (can't remember her little girls name, toddler age) ever during the day to give you a break, and she can play with (my "sister-friends" toddler)?" She said the woman looked so shocked and relieved that someone would offer that. She absolutely accepted and they exchanged phone numbers.

The reason this story inspired me, is because we never ever know what anyone else is dealing with in life. We have no idea how good or bad things may be, and sometimes the Spirit speaks to us, if we are listening, and helps us decipher those who we might be able to help. Thus, I titled this post "Open Your Ears", because, in a way we have to spiritually open our eyes, which really means listen for the Spirit to prompt us.

I swear we are living through a mini-depression right now, with the potential to become a full blown one. Every where you turn people are losing jobs, homes, everything. Not to mention, it seems like cancer and disease run rampant, as well as crime and murder. I hate to watch the news...its depressing. Every day there is controversy and deceit. Rumors of cheating Olympians...politicians back biting one another. Don't even get me started on all the different political issues arising that deal with moral and family issues. This is not a political blog, and if I start writing about that, I might not be able to stop. My point is, everywhere we turn there are those that are in need. And if you look at it from all angles, we each have a blessing that someone else doesn't have. While your neighbor may have money, they may have just gone through a divorce or lost a loved one. While you may have lost your job, maybe you just passed someone in the store that is about to lose their home. And because times are so hard, its easy and even understandable for us to draw inward and focus on our own problems. After all, our lives have problems too. And sometimes its all we have in us to even try to focus on those.

But President Hinckley's words inspire me, that "Civility is a virtue...a virtue to be admired, a virtue to be acquired." The scripture in Colossians describes charity as "the bond of perfectness". Which is what we are striving for in this life.

I am so incredibly blessed in my life. So much, that I fell to my knees last night in prayer, and could not contain the over flow of tears that fell, when I began to think of my overwhelming abundance of blessings. And to know as others suffer, that I am blessed so, makes me feel completely inadequate. But, in answer to my plea of gratitude, I felt a reassurance of the things I am to do with those blessings in my life. The responsibilities that come with those blessings are real and the Lord wills us to use those blessings to touch others.

I pray that the Lord can "open my ears" so to speak, so that I may be able to develop the "charity and civility" that I need to be an instrument in His hands.

Perfect

2008-08-14T11:51:00.000-07:00

What to write for your first post? How to begin a blog like this...and let alone continue it on, is all an experiment to me. The complete process of this is an experiment and so I guess there are no rules when it comes to an experiment. That's kind of the point. So, as I embark on this new outlet for STRENGTH, POSITIVITY, SHARING, HOPE and LOVE...I decided what better way than to begin with a word from a beloved Prophet of my church, Gordon B. Hinckley. I picked up his book, Stand A Little Taller, which is a quote book to give counsel and inspiritaion for each day of the year. I decided to start with today's date, to see if I could find a relatable quote. What I found was perfect:

"ABIDING LOVE

Love one another: for he that loveth another hath fulfilled the law.

-Romans 13:8

In a changing world, love can be a constant. It is something that, when sincere, never moves. It is the very essence of the teachings of Christ. It is the security of the home. It is the safeguard of community life. It is a beacon of hope in a world of distress." ~Gordon B. Hinckley

I found this "Thought of the Day" so completely perfect, because it sort of explains why I even decided to start this blog in the first place. The last sentence states a very major, very serious, very real fact : that our world is in distress. And in the first sentence of his quote, he gives us a tool to help us cope with the ever changing world. A tool to cling to constantly, when everything else is moving and changing; LOVE. Love has so many shapes and forms. Love means a million different things to every person. Love manifests itself in a plethora of ways throughout our lives. For me, love is what I live for. The love that I share with my spouse, children, extended family and friends is invaluable in my life. I could express that love for days, and I'm sure in later posts, I will. However, I want to focus on a different type of love in my life. I live for the love I feel from my Father in Heaven, and His Son, Jesus Christ. That unconditional, charitable love that will never change. I can cling to that and know, that no matter what happens in this world, if I cling to that one true constant, I will always have comfort, peace and hope. As President Hinckley says, "It is a beacon of hope".

So, when I say this quote encompasses my exact purposes for this blog, I mean that the strength we are looking for can be found in different forms of love. We search for that strength wherever good place we can find it, because our world is in distress and we need to find the good wherever we can, and cherish it. I pray that this blog can be one of those places for me, and for anyone else who may need it. A place where we can ponder and share our light and love with others.