Not On My Watch

Quick thought of the day:

"The first principle of the gospel is faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. Faith means trust—trust in God's will, trust in His way of doing things, and trust in His timetable."
Dallin H. Oaks, "Timing," Ensign, Oct. 2003, 12

So often, we are so busy trying to make things happen for us, conveniently on the time table that we would like for things to happen, that we forget to have faith and trust in the Lord. There have been many times in my own life and in the lives of those I love that I have wondered, "Why has this not happened yet?" or "Why is this happening now?" At the time, it feels like a different outcome or scenario would be much more welcomed into our busy lives and that if things just ran smoothly according to OUR plan, life would be great!

Problem is, we dont' know the big picture. In the "Grand Scheme" of things, the Lord has the full view. We have but a tiny fraction of knowledge living in the present. We can hope for the future, we can plan for the future, but ultimately, we don't know exactly what will happen.

I was having a conversation with my friend a week or so ago. She is moving soon and we were talking about the housing market and buying a house. We agreed on how scary of a purchase it is to buy a house and one of us (can't remember who, we think so much alike) said something about how we can't imagine how people make decisions without first praying about them and consulting the Lord. Truly, I feel like if I did not have the faith to first ask the Lord and second trust him, I would not have so many of the blessings I have in my life and that I would probably be on a completely seperate path than I am on right now.

I thought I wanted to be married many times before I actually found the right one and GOT married. Thank HEAVENS for the Lord's plan and HIS timing!

At a time when I feel as though my life is blessed and at a good place, I know it is easy to say "trust in the Lord's timing". In times of trial is when we experience doubt and fear. I can't say that I've ALWAYS been able to see the big perspective amidst trying circumstances that have left me praying, "Why me? Why right now? Why can't it just work out?" It's a constant learning process to trust in the Lord and the process in which He guides us.

Each trial we are given is a refiners fire. Each time we put things into His hands and let Him guide us where He would have us go, we are strengthening our will to withstand the trials that come in this life. Because then we know...we know beyond a shadow of a doubt, that He will say, "I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you." John 14:18

And with that faith and trust in Him, there is no need to fear. "Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." John 14:27

Why Did I Start This Blog Again?

Back in August or so when I started this blog...I had reasons. I know I did....

....and those reasons were....


Wait, hang on. It's coming back to me. Okay...got it.

Sorry-got sidetracked from the point of this blog for a little bit.

This blog was the product of a personal search within myself. Hence, "FINDING STRENGTH WITHIN"! We had made some pretty big changes in our lives all at once, went through some trials and I was in one of those "re-vamping my spiritual routine" modes. If you are Mormon-or really any kind of devout member of a religion, you know what I mean. You know that we all go through our little phases. A "funk"...if you will; where we are REALLY good at something for a while and life is good, great, grand...and then, for some unbeknownst (I know thats a word and I also know that's not how you spell it. Whatever) reason, we stop or slack off. Well, this blogwas a way for me to use something I love (writing) to express something I love (the Gospel) and use it to share and receive that strength through others that may come across my humble little scribble. At the beginning, it was something I woke up and couldn't wait for. Everyday had a spiritual thought and opening to it; a little daily devotional and even if it was just for me and no one even read my musings, it didn't matter. It was so that I could remind myself of the strength that I have and can find through searching myself and the blessings of the Gospel.

Then, I entered the "High School" phase of my blogging experience. I started comparing myself to other cooler blogs. You know the kind. The kind where other blogs want to be like them, sound like them, wear the same cool background and layout as them. The kind that get hundreds of comments. The "Homecoming Queen" blog. The "Quarterback of the Football Team" blog. (Funny story- I married the quarterback and one of my best friends was the homecoming queen...nothing against the cool kids. I love them.) But anyway, I started thinking no one cared. Sure, I had friends that commented at first. My dad would say, "Hey, I read your blog. That was a nice post." Then it all kind of died down. And then I felt like no one wanted to sit at my table in the lunchroom.

Okay, okay...before you either feel bad and write a sympathy comment or judge me and think I'm a loser that I even cared- STOP-I'm SO not even saying that. I realized first of all, that again, that wasn't the point of this blog for me. I realized that because of my laziness with my blogging devotionals, I had stopped replenishing my supply of strength that I needed in the first place. I was the one that had left my own blog sitting alone in the lunchroom. I knew it was there. It was like my scriptures that sit on my night stand and sometimes don't get opened. I know they are there. I feel good that at least they are there, and not in a drawer somewhere NEVER getting opened, but really, what good does it do me to have them just sit there?

So then I contemplated deleting the blog. "I'll just write in my journal", I thought. (Although for some reason, typing up a blog seems a lot more free flowing then writing in a journal. Maybe because my hand gets tired from all the writing and because journals are so awkward to write in-seriously, whoever invented the spiral bound kind was a genious.) But then, after thinking about the journal, I decided to check my "Live Feed" down at the very bottom. It kind of monitors the traffic I get on my blog. And I realized, while my blog was being visited about as often as you visit the dentist, I was okay with that. I am okay with everyone coming in for their 6 month check up. Hey, at least we're all checking in on each other and sharing a little hope and strength, right?

Something I also realized, was that some people I don't know (and some people I do know) have linked my blog to theirs. (I love you by the way...that means so much to me. You don't even know). There are a handful of you that actually do care when I update my blog. Again...I really love you. I appreciate all of you-commenters or not. While I would love, love, LOVE to hear from you, that's not the point of it. It's not a popularity contest. It's not a judged paper. I don't need praise (or criticism-whichever is offered). My only favor I ask...is that if you have some insightful thought or spiritual strength you could share, spread the wealth. If not, feel completely free to continue to peruse as usual.

One last thing I noticed, was that my blog comes up on some of the COOLEST searches. People searching for "STRENGTH" PEACE"..."HOPE"..."LAUGHTER"..."LOVE"...etc. This feed thing actually shows what someone typed in to the search that led them to my blog. It made me realize that ALL different types of people, from ALL over the world, from I'm sure MANY different religions, all share the same desire. To find strength. Somehow. And so, if my blog is going to pop up on a search for someone that may need something that was written, maybe a quote I posted from a General Authority or something, why would I want to remove that tool? What would I do, if all the blogs and websites that I go to took it all away? Just because they felt insignificant.

And you know what, I may be totally insignificant in the eyes of the blogging world. I, am like, lowest on the totem pole of blogging, I'm sure. But I just realized tonight, that I DON'T CARE.

It's not for popularity. It's not to win the "BEST BLOGGER EVER" award. And it's not to be anything great to anyone. I would NEVER claim that anything I have to say has done anything remotely close to touching or changing someones life. But...one EVER knows how they may affect another.

For example, a very nice bystander at a make up counter stopped me today and said, "I'm sorry. This may sound really weird, but you have gorgeous skin." I almost cried. Especially because I had almost no face make up on and what seemed like pitch black circles under my eyes. It was such a touching thing for me that someone cared enough about a stranger to give them a kind compliment. She did not have to tell me that. She was not a salesperson...just a shopping bystander. She touched my life-even but for a small moment, in a small way. What if she hadn't said that? Yeah, life would be life...but she shared a little bit of her strength, with me. And it was inspiring.

So, I guess my point is, I'm gonna keep doing this. For me, mostly...and then after that, who knows. But whatever it is, I know that my intentions are to strengthen myself to be a better person and if some measly little thing I may write, or an awesome quote from someone great that I may post, makes someones day a little brighter, I am HONORED to have been a part of that.

To wrap it all up, thank you. Thank you if you are reading this. Thank you if you are just reading this for the first time. Thank you if you've read my blog before. Thank you for taking the time to share your strength with me by reading the things that are in my heart.

It means the world.

Today

I'm sure you've all heard the saying, "Today is a gift, that's why it's called the present."

I truly believe this and that's why today, on the eve of a brand new year, I am choosing to refocus myself on working on things day by day. From my favorite quoting book, Stand A Little Taller:

"And now, Israel, what doth the Lord thy God require of thee, but to fear the Lord thy God, to walk in all his ways, and to love him, and to serve the Lord thy God with all they heart and with all they soul. ~Deuteronomy 10:12

'I don't worry too much about the future, and I don't worry very much about the past. The past is gone, and you can't change it, you can't correct it. The future, you can anticipate, but you can't necessarily do ver much about it. It is the present you have to deal with. Reach out for every good opportunity to do what you ought to do.' ~Gordon B. Hinckley "

Each and every new day comes with its opportunities. We must learn to grasp that time and use it wisely, because that is one thing that cannot be saved and cherished. It goes by so quickly that before we know it, it has been days, weeks, months and years...and all of lifes opportunities are passing us by. And while there is always another day, there is no time like the present. I quoted this already on my personal blog, but I love it, "Today is tomorrow."

I am grateful for each fresh new day that I am able to wake up and have life. I am grateful that I have the blessing of freedom and opportunity, that I can accomplish anything that I set my mind to.

So my challenge to myself...and anyone else who wants it, is to be grateful for each new day and make the best of it. Use it for good, use it to better ourselves, use it to touch the lives of others. Most importantly, as the scripture above states, spend each day walking in the ways of the Lord, loving and serving Him.

I hope you all have a fabulous New Year and make 2009 a year of love, joy, hope, peace...and fun!

Happy New Year!

Sanding the Layers

I took on a project...rather cockily, I might add. I was told while planning the project by a few different people (men) that I couldn't finish it in the time I wanted to.

Hmmm...we'll see about that one.

The aforementioned project was sanding down a painted table that was given to me, in order to restore it and have it match our living/dining area. My husband and I worked together to recover the chairs with some new fabric. That was the easy part.

On to the wood...I started with epoxy/paint stripping. P.S. That stuff REALLY stings when it touches your skin. I became an expert on the timing. It takes about ten seconds for the stinging to reach its high point and it stings at the high point for about ten seconds. Scratching, slapping, patting, shaking...etc., the area does not make it any better. You have to bear through the pain--or be smart enough not to keep getting it on yourself.

After stripping the paint and epoxy from the table and chairs, I started imagining a small side career in refinishing peoples old pieces of furniture. I mean, aside from the stinging spots all over, I was a pro after one day. ;)

The next day I started the sanding. My small side career turned into a "just for me and my family hobby" that I would take on every once in while. Maybe rummage some garage sales.

Then, I sanded....and sanded....AND SANDED. FOR DAYS! I could barely feel my hands after all of the vibration from the hand sander and was about ready to through it across the room on day 4 or 5.

ENTER MY RANDOM FOOD FOR THOUGHT...
Now, you may start wondering where in the heck I drew up these thoughts from this project, but you have to understand, when you are sanding for days on end, hours and hours a day, you have a lot of time to think about wood, (especially when you are blowing sand-dust out of your nose).

I started to think about how in the scriptures it talks about how to become more like Christ, we must become more like a little child. Meek. When you are a little child, you are stripped pretty bare to the bone. There aren't layers and layers and years of years worth of coating and protection. Much like this wood I was trying to restore back to it's newborn state, we put layers and layers atop ourselves to make us look better or protect us, as is human nature.

Whilst amid this project, I had a discussion with my husband and I realized that instead of letting him hear the bareness of my soul, I was coating it with layers of protection. Instead of things he was saying "soaking into my soul" or bare wood, it was bouncing off the layers I had put on. Layers such as pride and insecurity that made me easily provoked or offended and left me unable to humble myself and deaf to the things that he was saying.

Then I thought about that darn table and chairs. How frustrated I was with whoever had painted that table OVER and OVER without ever sanding it down. Without ever taking the proper care and preparation to restore it. It made it so much more difficult for me to accomplish my task, because no matter how deeply I sanded, I could not get to the root of my problem.

I realized in that discussion with my husband, that I did not want to be a stubborn, layer-coated table and chairs. I want to learn what I need to learn and protect and shield myself from those things that may harm or taint my body or soul, but I do not want to put on layers of unnecessary crap for people in my life to try to sand through. It's unfair and gosh darn it, it's annoying as all heck. Don't believe me? Go try sanding a painted table.

While its not an overnight transformation and the project may take as long as my dining set, I feel confident that if I sand down my layers one at a time, I can become a better person and maybe a little more like my Savior.

Leave it to me to read WAY too much into a silly project, but I learned a lot from my little project.

And for those of you who care to know how it turned out...the plan was to sand it down and stain the wood a dark brown almost black wood color. After realizing that the table and chairs were made from two different woods AND that my endless sanding job still turned out to not be enough as the stain did not cover spots that still held paint, we ended up painting a LAYER of black.

So, please disregard the ending of my LITERAL story. It doesn't really fit with my ANALOGY....

...but you get my point, right? :)

And had I had to keep on sanding that puppy, there would have been a sander thrown through the wall.

P.S. Restoring will never be a career nor hobby for me. That dream ended shortly after day 2 of sanding began.

My Cup Runneth Over

"When you are on your knees in prayer, there is an overwhelming feeling of gratitude to the Lord for the many blessings that he bestows on his children." ~L. Tom Perry

The past few weeks, I feel like the only place I should be is on my knees, in prayerful gratitude. My husband and I have had amazing experiences with fasting, prayer and the power of the priesthood, especially in the past few weeks. I have felt the Lord's hand in our lives, guiding and directing us.

Some days I wonder why I am so blessed in my life, as I feel undeservant...(and then I knock on wood). But, I've realized that the blessings that we recieve come with responsiblities. We must use those blessings to better our lives and the lives of others. We must be in tune enough to recognize when we are being blessed. And most importantly, we must show our gratitude to the Lord. When we make the choice to kneel in prayer and supplication to our Father in Heaven, the Spirit can more fully manifest to us just how truly blessed we are.

We just celebrated Thanksgiving, a holiday where we express the things we are most thankful for. We are entering into the "most wonderful time of the year", where it seems everyone is happy and in the mode of service and love. As I start to do my Christmas shopping and plan for the festivities, I am reminded of those who are less fortunate than I. There are some who didn't have a turkey and wonderful spread to eat on Thanksgiving. There are those that don't have anyone to spend the holidays with. There are even those who don't have anywhere to lay their heads on Christmas Eve. I am grateful that my husband and I have the ability to give our child and each other a Christmas. I am grateful that we have so much family in the area, that its not a matter of if we have somewhere to celebrate, its where and how we will divide up the time to be with everyone. I am grateful that I have the Gospel in my life to remind me of the reason for the season.

My list is endless, of the blessings the Lord has bestowed upon me. I will conclude with this...this season is the one time in the year where most of the world is united in a feeling of peace, happiness, joy and love. It's a time where everyone is giving of themselves to share the Spirit of Christmas with someone else. What better time then, to share of our blessings, in every capacity. Whether it be service, or friendship...an invite to a meal or party. A plate of cookies or serving at a shelter. Donated toys or clothes...singing a christmas carol or sending a card. The possibilities are endless. Most of all, let us share and emulate the love of Jesus Christ, who is the reason we celebrate this time of year. Let us show our family, friends and neighbors what makes us truly happy, not just in December, but the whole year through- The Gospel of Jesus Christ.

And before we lay our heads down to have "visions of sugar plums dancing in our heads"... let us kneel in gratitude and supplication, allowing the Spirit to remind us how truly blessed we are in our lives.

***I'd love to hear of some of your ideas of service and your families plans to "spread the Christmas cheer" this year. If you'd like to leave that in the comments section...we can all always use new ideas! Thanks!***

If I don't write about this, I may explode...

I have read many a blog in the past week on this subject. For many who have read this blog, or this blog, or this blog, or just others like unto it, much of this will probably be repetitive. (girls...hope its okay I linked you...I was inspired by your posts).

I wasn't even going to touch on this subject. Mostly because it has been well said in so many places, that I don't feel I can add much to it, but if I don't write about this topic, I'm afraid I couldn't write at all right now. Because really, this has been whats on my mind the past week. So, touch on it, I must. At least just to get it out of my head and move on!

I live in California. A week ago today, Californians voted on a very important and controversial proposition.


8.


This number has come to mean so much in the past few months. An annoying coincidence that it happens to rhyme with the word HATE. It's given the opposing side to this proposition a catchy rebuttal for those of us who supported it.

We had been told that even if the proposition passed, that the battle would just be beginning. I had no idea what that meant, until the day after it passed and the insults hit the fan. They spewed every which way. The 52% of California that believed the union of "marriage" should be defined between a man and a woman, have now been called everything from "intolerant" to "bigots". Even more so, religions have been singled out for their support.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints...my church, has been the bulls-eye of the mud-slinging targets. Through efforts coordinated by its members and NOT its leadership, the members of our church donated money in support of the proposition directly to the cause, mostly via protectmarriage.com. None of the moneys raised came directly from the church. The money that was used was donated solely for that purpose by individuals and families. Unfortunately, this has been gravely misunderstood by the opposing view. Nonetheless, the strong backing for this proposition from my church, whether it be through volunteering time and energy, or speaking with our friends and neighbors, has angered No on 8 supporters.

Honestly, it's understandable. They were the opposition. Of course it would make them unhappy. This, I totally get.

What I don't get, is how people who have claimed that they are fighting against hate, intolerance and singling out of groups, have done just that as their rebuttal to the tight loss. Like my friend said on her blog, sings of "Stop the Hate" next to signs of "Mormons (or Catholics, or whatever) Suck!" is truly confusing.

And honestly, I completely sympathize with why they are upset. They feel that something that was important to them is taken away. They want to get what they voted affirmatively for. Unfortunately, for all of us, that is not the way it works. Not everything or everyone that I voted for passed or was elected. It is upsetting. I'm still very saddened that while chickens have the right to "get their exercise", the rights of unborn children are put into hands of teenagers who as my other friend said it, "can't legally get a Tylenol from school, but can have an abortion." However, it's a fight that I lost. And while I will continue to believe how I believe and vote the way that mirrors my beliefs, I have to respect that I live in America and a democracy in which I was outnumbered.

I don't expect opposing members not to fight. I expect that they will continue to stand up for what THEY believe in. Because I will continue to do the same.

However, I do not believe any feelings of frustration, disappointment, anger...whatever, warrant what has been happening to our sacred places of worship. Our buildings have been vandalized, our holy temple grounds trampled upon and barricaded with protesters. However, "peaceful" and "respectful" the protest, that is not the place, and it will never be respectful. There was a protest at the State Capitol recently. Great place for it, in my book.

Not the temple. Not our sacred houses of worship. First of all, because the Mormon vote made up 2% of the Yes vote, and secondly, because to me, that's like us coming to your bedroom where you make your private decisions about your sexual preference, and protesting what you believe to be right.

Nor do I believe the physical threats are warranted. It is not fair for people to say things like, "Mormon's better watch their backs." There are websites out there with very physical threats on different religions that have supported the proposition. This is no more okay than someone saying that "Gays or Lesbians or Bisexuals or Trans genders better watch their backs". Such threats, no matter the group or motive, is EVER okay. To quote the No on 8 slogan... "It's unfair. It's unnecessary. It's wrong."

I have love for people. I love a lot of people that I disagree with. There are lifestyle choices aside from sexual preference that I don't agree with, but I love the people nonetheless. I have many friends who do not agree with my religious views whatsoever. Some of them have even been members of my faith and chosen to leave, and yet, our friendships and love remain, despite the vast differences in our beliefs. We likely voted very differently this election, but we love and respect each other nonetheless. And that is the meaning of true tolerance. To be able to respect others for their beliefs, views and feelings...and respect the system. We can't reject the system of our government just because some things don't go in our favor. That is life. That is America. And we will keep on believing what we believe, and respectfully fighting for what we believe in.

I respect, that those who voted No on 8 will continue to fight for what they believe in. I only pray that they can respect me for fighting what I believe in.

I do realize though, that no amount of "Christian bloggers" is going to change anyone's mind on this. We need only stand tall for what we believe and continue to be respectful of others.

"Thou shalt not speak evil of thy neighbor, nor do him any harm."~ Doctrine and Covenants 42:27

President Gordon B. Hinckley said, "As a church, we are not without critics, some of whom are mean and vicious. We have always had them, and I suppose we will have them all through the future. But we shall go forward, returning good for evil, being helpful and kind and generous. Let us be good people. Let us be friendly people. Let us be neighborly people. Let us be what members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints ought to be."

Not only do we need to be respectful and understanding of others...to stand up and be examples of light and truth, but we must understand that opposition is part of this life.

Spencer W. Kimball- "No pain suffered by man or woman upon the earth will be without its compensating effects if it be suffered in resignation and if it be met with patience."

Concerning this quote, Lloyd D. Newell wrote this in his book, Come, Listen to a Prophets Voice, "While wrongfully imprisoned in Liberty Jail, the Lord taught the Prophet Joseph that followers of Christ are not promised freedom from tribulation but strength to endure all things: 'My son, peace be unto thy soul;thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high....All these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good' (D&C 121:7-8;122:7). Life is a school, and part of that education is hardship. Elder Spencer W. Kimball taught: 'Being human, we would expel from our lives, sorrow, distress, physical pain, and mental anguish and assure ourselves of continual ease and comfort. But if we closed the doors upon such, we might be evicting our greatest friends and benefactors. Suffering can make saints of people as they learn patience, long-suffering, and self-mastery. The sufferings of our Savior were part of his education."

So, although painful as it is to see the Gospel that I love, the buildings that I seek sanctuary in and the people that I worship with, under fire for standing up for our beliefs...that is what we will endure, because it is part of life. It is part of our education and we will be stronger for it.

And not only must we turn the other cheek, but we are required to forgive those who have trespassed against us...

"We cannot repent for someone else. But we can forgive someone else, refusing to hold hostage those whom the Lord seeks to set free!" ~Neal A. Maxwell

"It has been said that lack of forgiveness toward another is akin to consuming poison and waiting for the other person to die. Vindictiveness and hardheartedness stifle spiritual growth and happiness. On the other hand, nothing enlarges the soul more than genuine forgiveness and compassion. The Lord's directive is : 'Ye ought to forgive one another; for he that forgiveth not his brother his trespasses standeth condemned before the Lord; for their remaineth in him the greater sin. I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men'(D&C 64:9-10). The Lord who is perfectly merciful, knows our hearts as well as the hearts of every offender. And since we all walk imperfectly before the Lord, we all need mercy. If we wish to be forgiven and draw upon the Atonement, we must forgive. Forgiveness is the greatest gift we can give others- and ourselves."~Lloyd D. Newell

And with that, I understand why I personally needed to write this. I personally needed to understand that I need to forgive those that call me names and trample upon my beliefs. I will continue to stand up for what I believe and hope that we always have the freedom to live in a country where individual feelings and beliefs are still recognized, respected and allowed.

God bless all of us. As Americans, as people, as children of God, we are one in the same.

Forgetting to Remember

I missed this blog. I missed it so much, that I kind of forgot to think about it. Not a good thing for me, which means right now I probably need it more than ever. For me, like I said when I started it, the blog was to reflect on my spirituality daily. It helped me to remember the things that are important and focus on those on a daily basis.

But, I am back...so thats a good sign for me.

Actually, things have just been a little out of the ordinary. My brothers best friend passed away two weeks ago, and I was very reflective at that point about the Plan of Salvation and life after death. Everytime I thought about writing a post, I came up very short in being able to express my feelings of gratitude for such a plan.

Also, we had a family vacation and a holiday and it seems every time I've felt like I want to sit down and reflect (a.k.a. write my blog) I've been distracted. And it's okay, because life happens. What's not okay, is that I don't feel like my mindset has been the same without my blog reflections. So, here I am today, picking back up where I left of, and feeling a surge of the Spirit roll over me like a wave.

Another distraction was my birthday...and for my birthday one of my sweet sister-in-law's gave me a Sheri Dew book. I LOVE Sheri Dew. I've read a number of her books and I really relate to her style of "straight-forward writing". The particular book I was given is called No One Can Take Your Place. My sister-in-law thought of me when she read the inside cover, she said. I can completely understand why. Let me pull a few lines for you,

"Have you ever wondered if you're doing what you're supposed to be doing with your life?...Or, like most of us, maybe you have those days when you just don't see how you'll ever measure up. (This book) will help you catch a glimpse of the power our Father in Heaven wants you to have. It will help you learn how to lay hold upon that power, how to overcome the temptations that stand in the way of your happiness, and how to shine as a leader in the world. It will help you understand who you really are...True happiness comes from doing what we were meant to do. This book will motivate you to find out what that means for you; it will also inspire you to carry out your unique work on the earth, for truly, no one can take your place!"

I would venture to say that I am not the only one that sometimes feels like a "face in the crowd", wondering just how she/he will affect the world. Sure, I understand that I am directly affecting my family and loved ones, but there are points in time where I wonder if I am truly fulfilling my mission here upon the earth. I try very hard to take each step in my life, following the guidance of the Spirit but there are those moments that I stop and think, "Am I where I am supposed to be? Doing what I am supposed to be doing?" I've only read the first few chapters of this book so far, but I am already grateful for the guidance and inspiration it has provided me.

Sheri talks about identifying our "God-given attributes we all have that we need to awaken within ourselves if we are going to do what we have been sent here to do- attributes such as faith, knowledge, obedience, purity, integrity, a clear sense of identity, and courage."

She then goes on to explain each attribute, why it is necessary and what we can do to recognize it within ourselves. I appreciated this list, and looked at it almost as a score card that I measured myself upon. I thought of the areas that I am doing pretty well in, and honed in on areas that I need to work on. Each area is vital and important and plays a part in recognizing our worth and importance in the sight of God, and as a messenger of His in these latter days.

As I mentioned above, the thing I love about Sheri Dew is how straight forward she is. She has been more straightforward in this book so far than I've noticed in any other book. When talking about the attribute, INTEGRITY, she sites a wonderful example of when the Lord asked Eve about what had happened when she was beguiled by Satan, ..."she immediately acknowledged what she had done and accepted the consequences. She didn't lie. She didn't pout. She didn't get defensive. She didn't blame Adam. What humility and integrity..."

For me, this shed a whole new light upon integrity. Most of us would not classify ourselves as "liars". Generally, I'd like to think we all tell the truth. But integrity is more than just truth...it is humility and willingness to take full responsibility for our actions. It is being transparent in our words, our actions, our intentions....everything, so as to not deceive.

Within this section she talks about Satan and shunning him"...like the snake that he is...". Here is where her straightforwardness really hit home for me...she said, "Forsaking Satan may mean changing things. It may require changing wardrobes or changing channels or changing attitudes or changing habits or changing lifestyles or even changing friends, because it's not possible to to sort of dress modestly or kind of tell the truth or act with integrity most of the time,or almost be morally clean. Nine percent tithing isn't tithing, it's a donation."

Whoa. That paragraph slapped me in the face. It doesn't matter in which "important areas" I have forsaken Satan. Yes, generally, I have forsaken him. But that is not good enough. Have I completely forsaken him? I would have to admit that with a resounding NO. I wish I could say that I have...but do I always change the channel when I need to? And this is just one small example. While we are not expected to be perfect we are instructed to progress towards perfection. Sheri wrote, "The object of this life is not to become perfect. Could we all just pledge to give that up once and for all! But it is to become increasingly pure, which will eventually lead to perfection."

Perfection almost seems too broad to even comprehend. It not only to me means free from sin, but also have I done all that I was meant to do? This is why I appreciate Sheri Dew's clarification of becoming increasingly pure, so much. It makes clear sense.

Webster's dictionary defines the word pure as this-

(1): unmixed with any other matter (My translation- of one purpose and focus).

(2): free from dust, dirt, or taint (My translation- sin)

Basically, pure is clean. Clean is understandable. Clean is a process...but clean is attainable.

Everyday will be a battle for it. If there is one thing I've learned, it's that everything I think I've learned, has to be applied everyday in order to maintain the affect. The Gospel isn't a video game where if you accomplish a certain level, that you've passed it on and no longer need to return to the basics of the game. Every day, these processes must be visited and built upon in order to continue to learn and progress.

The scary thing about forgetting...is that Satan loves to work with the forgetful. He has a way of keeping us from forgetting to remember that we forgot...(haha it makes sense if you think about it enough. )

I've spent more time recently forgetting than remembering. I am overwhelmed when I think of all of the blessings in my life that I so easily forget about and the Spirit that I feel when I am in a mode of gratitude and rememberance. I'm grateful for the opportunity to be reminded and renewed.

Because if I don't remember why I am here and what I am here to do, then what is the point?