I have been dreaming about this blog and thinking about it for the past few weeks. Life seems to just fly by and the days blur together and I don't seem to have the time to sit and collect my thoughts. Even as I type, my daughter is singing a made up song about "razzle, razzle, dazzle" and banging a pen on a metal pan, occasionally inserting solos from her new "monica" (harmonica). Such is my life lately- and I love it. I used the majority of her nap time today to send out emails and take care of business for my calling at church but was hoping to get this post written before she woke up. However, things didn't go according to plan (like they EVER do, anyway), and I am being seranaded while I try to collect my thoughts.
But, I guess this kind of goes into my thought for day anyway, which I must add I am going to try to make quick, because I'd be COMPLETELY contradicting my point if I sat here for hours ignoring my child, to blog.
I realize not everyone has my everyday life, but lately it could be summized by one word. Kids. First of all, I have one--a very rambuctious, energetic, lively one under my watch 24-7. I also have one inside me, literally, and that consumes many of my thougths as well. Not to mention my 10 piano students during the week, park time, play dates, etc. So, my life is consumed with kids stuff. Kids schedules, kids shows, kids talk, etc. AND I LOVE IT!
Sometimes though, I don't take the time often enough to love it. To think about it and to think about why I love it. Let me back track into what got me thinking about this topic:
Once upon a time (Wednesday), in a far away land (daughter's bedroom), I was in between piano lessons and needing for a very cranky toddler to take a nap. Of course, she was tired and so she did need a nap, but I also had my own personal agenda on the line. I NEEDED HER TO SLEEP--I had two piano lessons following her and I couldn't risk, in her current condition of crankiness, for her to not be soundly asleep upstairs. So, I rushed her upstairs laid her down and immediately ordered for her to, "Relax and go to sleep...". Anyone who knows a toddler, knows that this is not something they just do immediately upon resting their head on their pillow. There are songs to sing, fingers to be turned into little imaginary people to play with, and a mirrored closet to practice your synchronized swimming moves in front of. As I lay there on her floor, frustrated and barking commands for her to be quiet and go to sleep (please don't think bad of me---I was stressed out), all the sudden I looked up at her big hazel eyes, as she said, "I'm sorry, Mommy. Don't be mad at me", and I felt an overwhelming compassion for this little one. Her Daddy and I are her life-her everything, and when we are upset with her, who else is there to turn to? I could see in her face that she was really upset that I was upset , and trying to rectify it by giving me a big cheesy smile, stroking my face saying, "Don't be sad, Mommy."
I decided to just give her the same courtesy she gave me to calm me down. I kissed her, told her I loved her, and knelt beside her bed and stroked her cheek, just like I used to when she was a tiny baby. Without exaggeration, within 30 seconds, her chest was rising and falling, her breathing was deep and she was out. Fast asleep. From hyperactive to comatose in 30 seconds.
The experience touched me so deeply and I immediately felt such a gratitude for the power that I have as a mother...as a woman. All she needed was my comforting touch, to know that I loved her and was willing to take the time for her. To focus on JUST her, no other agenda. It made me realize that, while life can get so crazy, stressful and hectic, that the blessings are immense.
It made me think of Sister Barbara Thompson's talk for the General Relief Society Meeting this last Saturday (which, I watched via the amazing internet on Sunday morning). The general topic for her talk was not necessarily related, but it made me think of something she said. She was talking about how all her life she dreamed of graduating college, finding a handsome husband, having four perfect children, her husband making a large income to support her staying home with her children, as well as leaving time for serving in her church and community, while staying active in the Gospel. These were her lifelong dreams. But as you may know, Sister Thompson never married, and while she has accomplished much in her vocation and schooling, many of her dreams didn't come true. But one thing that she said that hit home for me, was that the most important dream did come true, staying active in the Gospel, and how it has made all the difference.
I burst into tears as I thought about both of our dreams. They were/are very similar. I realized that I am living out most of my dreams... and hers. What she probably wouldn't give to lull her sleeping child off to sleep. What she wouldn't do to join in a harmonica, pots & pans, "razzle, razzle dazzle" song.
And I realized, I need to TAKE THE TIME. Take the time to enjoy my life, enjoy my blessings and realize that each and everyday, as I wake up to take care of my family and rear them in this Gospel, that I am living my dream.