Fell off the wagon...

Hey! It's me...it's really me. Some of me is old, some of me is new, some of me is borrowed, some of me is blue (not the color...just the emotion sometimes.)

I kind of ditched this blog. In fact, I was literally actually hiding from it...and I was trying to kind of hide it from the world too. I almost deleted it...again (why is that always a temptation?). I even moved the link on my own blog to the very bottom of my page to kind of hide it. I think I'm going to leave it there for a little while...just to give me some space to breath. I like the idea that maybe I'm only writing to myself or a few loyal readers. The idea of lots of people reading and analyzing my thoughts still kind of freaks me out...not that I ever had that many readers in the first place, but I'm okay with this fact. More than okay with it.

Because as I've mentioned in many a post, this blog was more an outlet for ME than anything else. And to be honest, I've been M.I.A from this blog for the past four months for a number of reasons. I got kind of "blogged-out"...the blogging bubble deflated a little and I was like "eh, whats the big deal?" Also, I've gone through a very uncreative period in my life. I haven't felt particularly witty or thoughtful or intellectual- therefore, I didn't feel the need to blog my daily thoughts of : "Life is good...it is what it is. I am happy. The end." This is the extent of how I felt most everyday- just good. Somedays were great, some weren't...but it was life.

So, let me tell you why I'm back...nothing great or bad happened to make me resume blogger life from my little hiatus, but I did notice the "little things". ( Isn't that always the case?? How many times have we heard the phrase- 'It's the little things...'?) I noticed a lull in productivity during my day. I noticed I had less of a "routine". I noticed that I wasn't thinking very deeply anymore. Mostly just on Sundays. :) I noticed that all the things I had written about previously "patience, humility...etc." crept back in my life to a point that I just didn't feel as, well...strong. I guess the "Finding Strength" thing only works if you keep looking for it. Otherwise, it should be called "Losing Strength"- and I think that would be a VERY depressing topic for a blog indeed.

This is why I'm back- because I really enjoyed the personal reflection time...and I can't say I even know how often it will be. It may be four hours, it may be four months- in between posts. But, I know that for me, it will be here when I need it. When I was more religious about blogging, I looked forward to it. I actually woke up early to devote the time to it- which set the tone for my day. I actually studied the topics and learned each morning, to which I began the day with a skip in my step, instead of a groggy, cranky mom moping around the house in my pajamas unhappily marching to the demands of my two year old to get her, her "waffle and choca milk".

Basically, I pretty much liked myself better when I was a Finding Strength blogger- just because I knew I was devoting time to working on myself to make myself a better person. To sit back and pretend like that kind of progression doesn't matter to me, is denying the obvious.

Hmmm-well, let's do a gut check. Do I feel better about myself yet? A little more accomplished today? And the poll says-"uh-yeah, sure." Better than nothing.

Now on to my next accomplishment for the day-making dinner for my family. Sustenance is strength-finding strength in my freezer in the form of frozen turkey meatballs and pasta counts too.

See you soon...