Taking The Time

I have been dreaming about this blog and thinking about it for the past few weeks. Life seems to just fly by and the days blur together and I don't seem to have the time to sit and collect my thoughts. Even as I type, my daughter is singing a made up song about "razzle, razzle, dazzle" and banging a pen on a metal pan, occasionally inserting solos from her new "monica" (harmonica). Such is my life lately- and I love it. I used the majority of her nap time today to send out emails and take care of business for my calling at church but was hoping to get this post written before she woke up. However, things didn't go according to plan (like they EVER do, anyway), and I am being seranaded while I try to collect my thoughts.

But, I guess this kind of goes into my thought for day anyway, which I must add I am going to try to make quick, because I'd be COMPLETELY contradicting my point if I sat here for hours ignoring my child, to blog.

I realize not everyone has my everyday life, but lately it could be summized by one word. Kids. First of all, I have one--a very rambuctious, energetic, lively one under my watch 24-7. I also have one inside me, literally, and that consumes many of my thougths as well. Not to mention my 10 piano students during the week, park time, play dates, etc. So, my life is consumed with kids stuff. Kids schedules, kids shows, kids talk, etc. AND I LOVE IT!

Sometimes though, I don't take the time often enough to love it. To think about it and to think about why I love it. Let me back track into what got me thinking about this topic:

Once upon a time (Wednesday), in a far away land (daughter's bedroom), I was in between piano lessons and needing for a very cranky toddler to take a nap. Of course, she was tired and so she did need a nap, but I also had my own personal agenda on the line. I NEEDED HER TO SLEEP--I had two piano lessons following her and I couldn't risk, in her current condition of crankiness, for her to not be soundly asleep upstairs. So, I rushed her upstairs laid her down and immediately ordered for her to, "Relax and go to sleep...". Anyone who knows a toddler, knows that this is not something they just do immediately upon resting their head on their pillow. There are songs to sing, fingers to be turned into little imaginary people to play with, and a mirrored closet to practice your synchronized swimming moves in front of. As I lay there on her floor, frustrated and barking commands for her to be quiet and go to sleep (please don't think bad of me---I was stressed out), all the sudden I looked up at her big hazel eyes, as she said, "I'm sorry, Mommy. Don't be mad at me", and I felt an overwhelming compassion for this little one. Her Daddy and I are her life-her everything, and when we are upset with her, who else is there to turn to? I could see in her face that she was really upset that I was upset , and trying to rectify it by giving me a big cheesy smile, stroking my face saying, "Don't be sad, Mommy."

I decided to just give her the same courtesy she gave me to calm me down. I kissed her, told her I loved her, and knelt beside her bed and stroked her cheek, just like I used to when she was a tiny baby. Without exaggeration, within 30 seconds, her chest was rising and falling, her breathing was deep and she was out. Fast asleep. From hyperactive to comatose in 30 seconds.

The experience touched me so deeply and I immediately felt such a gratitude for the power that I have as a mother...as a woman. All she needed was my comforting touch, to know that I loved her and was willing to take the time for her. To focus on JUST her, no other agenda. It made me realize that, while life can get so crazy, stressful and hectic, that the blessings are immense.

It made me think of Sister Barbara Thompson's talk for the General Relief Society Meeting this last Saturday (which, I watched via the amazing internet on Sunday morning). The general topic for her talk was not necessarily related, but it made me think of something she said. She was talking about how all her life she dreamed of graduating college, finding a handsome husband, having four perfect children, her husband making a large income to support her staying home with her children, as well as leaving time for serving in her church and community, while staying active in the Gospel. These were her lifelong dreams. But as you may know, Sister Thompson never married, and while she has accomplished much in her vocation and schooling, many of her dreams didn't come true. But one thing that she said that hit home for me, was that the most important dream did come true, staying active in the Gospel, and how it has made all the difference.

I burst into tears as I thought about both of our dreams. They were/are very similar. I realized that I am living out most of my dreams... and hers. What she probably wouldn't give to lull her sleeping child off to sleep. What she wouldn't do to join in a harmonica, pots & pans, "razzle, razzle dazzle" song.

And I realized, I need to TAKE THE TIME. Take the time to enjoy my life, enjoy my blessings and realize that each and everyday, as I wake up to take care of my family and rear them in this Gospel, that I am living my dream.

Come On, Get Happy!

I don’t know if I truly recognized the beauty of the earth and our surroundings until I moved to the top of a hill. Something up here is so fresh—it must be the air, we must get it first since we are higher. Haha. I mostly recognize this on one particular walk we take in one of the most beautiful neighborhoods I’ve ever seen. The greenery is plush, the homes are beautifully landscaped and the lake is visible from certain areas. It’s breathtaking—(in more than one way…like I said, it’s a hill. There is uphill climbing involved).

It was on a particular walk one evening when I realized just how happy I am with my life. I looked at my husband and child, I looked at our beautiful earth, I thought about all of the circumstances of our lives and families and felt so incredibly blessed. I turned to my husband and I just said, “I am so happy with our life.” He concurred on this thought of mine and I started thinking about our lives together over the past five years and all of our different circumstances.

We started out in an apartment, went to living with parents, to a small home, to a larger home. We went from me having a corporate job, to working in the family business, to me not working at all. We went from Marc having a hard labor position, to no job, to coaching football, to part time, to full time student, to part time worker/part time student…to full time provider working 50+ hour weeks. We’ve gone from junker cars to nicer cars. From money , to no money, to some money, to money and so on. We’ve become parents, lost a beloved pet, been through a miscarriage and had countless other circumstances that have made our life interesting and exciting.

And as I thought about all of these things, I do remember times of sadness…times where we weren’t sure how we’d make it through a particular trial in life, but ultimately what I remember is just being happy. Continuing on our walk, on this beautiful evening, it dawned on me that the key to being happy isn’t your surroundings, your things, your circumstances, but it’s CHOOSING to be happy with whatever it is you’ve got. My husband and I discussed this and did agree that being happy with your current situation, does not mean that you have to settle as though you’ve reached a final checkpoint. One of the things that we share in common is that we both constantly look toward the future with hope and collectively work hard towards our goals. BUT, we have refused to live our lives saying, “Well, when ‘THIS’ happens, we can be happy.” I’ve noticed that when that is said, usually, God wants you to learn to live happily without it, before He will bless you with it.

If we are constantly looking around at what we don’t have instead of seeing the blessings of what we do, what makes us think that God is going to give us more to just turn our noses up at and neglect?

I’m so grateful for the happy life I lead. There are definite trials that we face on a day to day basis, but I see so much goodness that I am blessed with that outweighs any bump in the road.
Happiness is not an emotion, it’s a choice. I looked up the definition of happiness- it’s stated as “a state of well-being and contentment” . I started thinking about the word “contentment” and so I looked up the definition of content—“feeling or showing satisfaction with one's possessions, status, or situation.” I think this further concludes that happiness is a choice.
And this is something that God wants us to feel-- "Men are, that they might have joy" (2 Nephi 2:15, 25).

Make the choice to be happy today. You deserve to have joy in your life.

I kept meaning to write this post...

I need an intervention.

I just had this epiphany today...I am a procrastinator. See, I knew I procrastinated. Most of the population probably does to an extent. But, the epiphany today was that I don't just procrastinate--I am a procrastinator. And it was like once I admitted it to myself, the evidence came rushing in as if a dam had just broken in the "I'll Do It Tomorrow" section of my mind.

For example:

*I look at blogs or read emails or facebook messages--spend sometimes hours on the computer, and get off having never responded to emails or messages or commented on one blog post, let alone blog anything on my own blog. I think to myself, "I'll comment later. I'll write them back tomorrow." And before I know it, it's been weeks. (p.s. Jenny--you know I love ya girl...and really, I'm going to respond one day. And we're going to get together one day...And I loved your last comment-it made me feel special, thank you. I've been MEANING to get back to you and tell you that.)

*I screen my phone calls...but for no real reason. (Sometimes... not all the times friends, so please don't get offended if you call me and I don't answer. I don't want the general assumption to be that I am ignoring your call.) I do have reasons at times, like being preoccupied or on another line or grocery shopping, but sometimes I just panic of having something else to think about or do that I just procrastinate that call. I say, "I'll call back later." The same is done with phone calls that need to be made. I put them off far longer than they should be.

*Sleeping longer in the morning because I stayed up late at night. I have been wanting to change this habit for quite some time but every morning, my half asleep self says, "Heck no...I'm tired. You kept me up until after midnight."

*House cleaning-now, I have a generally clean house. In fact, if you were to walk into my house you would think it was tidy and neat. Which it is, but there are certain things that REALLY get put off. Filing bills. Deep cleaning showers. Organizing the toy room.

*Taking care of business- I still have all of my Roadshow Receipts to turn in (probably $300 to $400 worth that I could be reimbursed for) and bags of stuffed animals ward members loaned to me, that I still haven't returned. I work well under timelines, but then when there is "no real rush"...I can't seem to get my butt in gear.

I literally, could go ON and ON! I definitely won't because I think I've made my point sufficiently and believe that I've probably made myself look like a major loser too...so we'll leave it at that.

Now that I've realized and admitted to my problem, I have to come to terms with how I feel about it. And the consensus with that, is that it makes me unhappy. I hate feeling unaccomplished- and the more I put off, the more is actually on my plate. If I took the tasks little by little, I know that it would make my life much less stressful.

So, I looked up some information on how to deal with procrastination and thought I'd share, just in case I'm not the only one just realizing they've been in the Procrastination Closet and is poking my head out in shame and trying to face reality.

This was from a Q&A section of the Liahona Church Publication back in 1993:

“I have a real problem with procrastination. I leave assignments unfinished, goals unmet, and promises unkept just because I don’t start things on time. I don’t mean to let people down. I just can’t seem to make myself get going. What can I do?”

Our Answer:

Procrastination is a habit that can be broken. First, you have to make the decision to change. Next, take the problem to your Heavenly Father. If you pray sincerely, he will give you the guidance and support you need to make the change. Then act on what you need to accomplish.

Here are some suggestions you might find helpful:
• Make a daily list of projects and check them off as you finish each one. Be sure to write down assignments when you get them. Carrying a small calendar might be helpful.
• Start with your most difficult task, or the one you like the least. The rest of your work will seem easy by comparison.
• Break down large and intimidating projects into smaller ones. Then do each one step by step.
• Reward yourself when you follow through with your projects. After you’ve completed an especially difficult project, schedule some time to relax.
• Make a game of finishing difficult or unpleasant tasks. Tell yourself, “I will work as hard as I can for twenty minutes.” When you stay focused on finishing something quickly, you’ll get more done.
• Remove distractions from your workplace. Keep food, televisions, magazines, telephones, and other temptations out of your way. ( I will add COMPUTERS AND INTERNET to update this from 1993.)
• Don’t procrastinate because you are afraid your project won’t be perfect. It is better to meet deadlines by making your best effort—even if the results aren’t perfect.
• Set realistic goals for yourself, and remember to be flexible.
• Don’t accept more projects and assignments than you can handle. If you agree to do something, do everything you can to follow through. Don’t say yes to someone if you have no intention of following through with the task.
• Set priorities and pace yourself.
• Make the commitment to change your habit of procrastination. The Apostle Paul counseled, “Whatsoever ye do, do it heartily” (Col. 3:23). Put enthusiasm into the many tasks you have to face and carry them out with a happy attitude. You don’t need to plan every minute of the day. Allow yourself free time and some fun, too.

The last part is my favorite. I want to know that what I'm doing in my life I'm doing "heartily" and carrying them out with a happy attitude. I also love that it's okay to allow yourself free time and fun. There is an undeniable happiness that comes with accomplishment. I think on days that we feel like slugs, it's natural for a bit of a bad mood to follow it. Then, you are in a bad mood and you have all of these tasks and duties around you that overwhelm you.

So, my goal is to work on my problem--to pray for guidance and motivation to overcome my challenge and to not procrastinate making this change any longer!

If you have any tips on how you accomplish your every day tasks on time and with a happy attitude, you're wisdom is always helpful and appreciated.

Lost and Found

I can't sleep-which is so unlike me. It's not normal for me to be blogging at 12:24AM. I left my nice cozy spot next to my sweetheart because my thoughts are just swimming around annoyingly in my head. They won't really leave me alone. Maybe if I let them roam freely for a few minutes, they will subside and let me sleep. (And maybe none of this will make sense, but you can blame that on the hour.)

So, I don't watch the news-like ever. I don't know if its a good or a bad thing, but mainly I get my news from two places. Facebook updates from friends who DO watch the news...or my hubby. A lot of times it's sad or negative. No one really talks too much about the good stuff-there may be a segment or two here and there, but normally it's not talked about as much. I just went to the Sac Bee website to check out the latest headlines, just to even see if their was good news-and really didn't find ANY. I found unimportant neutral news-about Sports or upcoming events at the White House, etc., but nothing particularly happy or good. (However, there was something about a study being donw that has shown pot smoke to cause cancer...and while cancer is DEFINITELY not good news, maybe it will be an eye opener to stop people from smoking it...haha. Insert sarcasm.). Anyway, my point with this is that sometimes I feel like it's literally DOOMSDAY! Now, don't call me Chicken Little or anything. The sky is falling-but it's been falling for centuries...the problem is, I think WE are causing cracks in the foundation that gives the sky no other choice but to cave in on us.

I say 'we' because I include myself. I'm human and I make dumb decisions. Decisions that maybe don't effect the world now, but I think could potentially contribute to the downfall of society. Sometimes, I honk at people in traffic when I really didn't need to for an emergency purpose (which is actually what it is designed for--it's not designed as a car's voice box to cuss out a person who cuts you off, believe it or not). Sometimes I say things I shouldn't say. Sometimes I treat my loved ones in not so loving ways. Sometimes I feel like I show a bad example to my daughter by losing my temper. We ALL do dumb things. It's human nature to screw up. But, what I USED to think went a long with that human nature was a sense of remorse-a sense of feeling sorrow for the wrong doing. A desire to change-to progress-to be better. Slowly, maybe even as slowly as one by one, it seems it's changing. Remorse is being replaced by justification. Feelings of sorrow or grief are being replaced by a sense of entitlement. And now, instead of a world working towards progression, it seems like selfishness is running rampant and we are all out there doing what we can to "get ours" and step on whoever we have to, to get there without even a second thought as to how our actions affect others--or how their ultimately affecting who we are.

My husband told me the other day that Korea wants to bomb Hawaii on the 4th of July--how they are planning to test nuclear missiles against U.N. Regulation; basically an "I don't care what the world says, we are taking this into our own hands" attitude. I, naively asked him, "Why don't they like us?" Which led to him educating me on all the different countries and our relationships with them and so on and so forth (I love my history buff!). And again, I naively asked, "Don't they realize that killing people doesn't really solve anything?" Like, really, why CAN'T we just have world peace. The answer?? POWER/MONEY-which is essentially the exact same thing. People cause wars-not countries. Powerful people. Selfish people.

And the wars don't end there. There are wars waging all around us. Wars within the walls of homes. Within families. And to me, this is the scariest war of all, because THIS is where it all begins. This is where the very beginning of the war starts and people are molded into who they will become. If we are not teaching our children accountability, consequence, love, remorse, humility and right from wrong, no one will. Period.

I look around and I see things today that I never would have dreamed possible. I see things around me that are keeping me up worrying late at night. (Hence...this post.). And I'm scared...I'm scared that we are all so susceptible. One swift move and we are within the grasp of a darkness that we won't even know hit us until we're enveloped. And it seems no one is safe.

My husband and I went to the temple the other night and I felt safe and reminded. I felt reminded that there is a purpose to this life. There is a reason to live righteously. There is a reason that I have chosen the life I lead. That reason is to return to live eternally with God and with my family. Heaven.

I was reminded of all of this and I was also sad. I was sad that I couldn't just wrap us all up in that warm blanket of safety that I was feeling. I was sad that I had to leave the walls of that temple to face an unsafe world. I was sad to think that I felt more unsafe because of the light that I've seen burn out of some that have once illuminated my life and inspired me-than because of the impending nuclear bomb that had been threatened on our country.

And what made me feel strengthened within these fears is knowing that I have the power within me to choose where I stand. The only weapon I truly hold is my convictions-and if all else fails, I know what I stand for. I will not justify otherwise. Mistakes are made-but I am not entitled to my fair share just because others may have done me wrong or done worse than I. Life is uncertain-but I do not have to be.

I think of our Lord-I think of how He knows us all personally. We all have a personal relationship with him, whether we realize it or not. Some of us are closer in that relationship than with any other. Some of us are lost and the contact is infrequent or non existent. But, the relationship is there. And you and I-- or the leaders of Korea, or the Taliban, or Britney Spears, or your next door neighbor, or the child in Africa who has never been taught of His existence in the first place--we are all special to Him. He knows us all by name and is searching for us to be safely gathered in.

This is one of my favorite Greg Olsen pictures. It's called, "Lost and Found". I feel comforted in knowing that no matter how lost we have been, we can be found if we want to be. Because, He never stops searching.

"I will seek that which was lost, and bring again that which was driven away, and will bind up that which was broken, and will strengthen that which was sick’ (Ezek. 34:16)."

"The Savior’s example of going the extra mile to find His lost sheep is evident throughout the scriptures. “What man of you, having an hundred sheep, if he lose one of them, doth not leave the ninety and nine and go into the wilderness after that which is lost, until he find it?” (Joseph Smith Translation, Luke 15:4). The Good Shepard knew when one of His sheep was missing: “He numbereth his sheep, and they know him” (1 Ne. 22:25), “and he calleth his own sheep by name” (John 10:3).

He went “into the wilderness,” which at times has been defined as “a confusing multitude or mass” (Merriam-Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary, 11th ed. [2003], “wilderness,” 1432), and He searched for that which was lost.We are not told how long it took the Good Shepherd to find the lost sheep or if others helped in the search, but we do know that they “[knew] his voice” (John 10:4) and that He loved them. We also know that He did not give up, that He did “go … after that which [was] lost, until he [did] find it,” and that when He returned, the lost sheep was safely on His shoulders. And then He exclaims, “Rejoice with me; for I have found my sheep which was lost. I say unto you, that likewise joy shall be in heaven over one sinner that repenteth” (Luke 15:6–7)." Mervyn B. Arnold, “Strengthen Thy Brethren,” Liahona, May 2004, 46–48

I will not rest until I and my loved ones can be safely gathered in. I can't give up, for I know that the moment that I do, I will be lost. I feel strengthened and inspired by those who are looking everyday towards progression-to move forward in this life in goodness and faith.

For me, that faith is everything. For me, there is no other way to find everlasting peace and happiness than to be safely gathered in and numbered among the sheep of His fold.

Lazy

I don’t know how many times I’ve sat and endured a headache or sneezed through a day of allergies, while I pass by the medicine cabinet on numerous occasions throughout the day. How easy it would be to simply open up the cabinet and relieve myself with some over the counter goodness that is meant to give relief. I obviously purchased it in the first case for such a purpose-I have faith in the products and have even had faith promoting experiences of said medications and their remedy. Then why, when I have the answer in my medicine cabinet do I suffer through the pain or itchy red eyes?

Plain and simple…I’m lazy.

I’m pretty sure I’ve written about this at one point or another-the fact that I’m lazy sometimes. But, considering it’s probably been at least six months, and it’s on my mind, I probably need to re-address the topic to my lazy self.

So, this post is not necessarily about Advil or Zyrtec (nor is it a medicine ad but just in case you were wondering, those are my drugs of choice for such symptoms). More so, it’s a spinoff of my thought from the other day about the difference” the little things” make in life. The simple steps that we side step out of laziness or business or whatever else it may be, even though we have the faith AND multiple faith promoting experiences that such steps and practices would significantly relieve us of ailments in our lives.

I’ll start with the not-so-spiritual steps. For me, one of these is EXERCISE. Oh, I just feel SO much better after a good work out. The days that I skip this “me-time”, I feel a significant difference in my mood and energy level . Plain and simple, exercise does a body and mind good. A fact we all know yet are too lazy to take action upon. Myself included.

Another “little thing” that helps me feel better through my day is accomplishing small tasks- paying a bill, folding a load of laundry, emptying the dishwasher or simply replacing the empty toilet paper roll. I know these sound silly, but some days I swear I just put off every little thing and let them pile up around me. Then, it’s a feeling of not only laziness and procrastination, but being OVERWHELMED because now instead of doing a small task, you have to spend hours on end undoing damage that could have been easily avoided.

On to the spiritual steps. Last week, I took a morning where I woke up early. I decided that I was going to stay up after sending my husband off to work and study my scriptures. I prayed, I read and before I knew it, an hour went by. That day, was an amazing day- I even went to Winco with a two year old, bagging and lugging all my own groceries yet I had a skip in my step and a smile on my face. The thing that made it amazing was my attitude, my countenance; I was genuinely filled with the Spirit. Since that day, I have slept in. Since that day I’ve let other things get in the way of doing that “little thing” and guess what? I’ve been in a crappy mood at some point almost every day. Now it’s almost worse than before, because I know the remedy and I’m being too lazy to do it.

I've been in this place before- and I pretty much hate that place. Yet, who put me there? Me. And who can get me out? Me.

Now, I just need to walk over to the medicine cabinet (the bookshelf) and grab my remedy (my scriptures) and start my day out right with the best medicine.

Just what the doctor ordered.

Fell off the wagon...

Hey! It's me...it's really me. Some of me is old, some of me is new, some of me is borrowed, some of me is blue (not the color...just the emotion sometimes.)

I kind of ditched this blog. In fact, I was literally actually hiding from it...and I was trying to kind of hide it from the world too. I almost deleted it...again (why is that always a temptation?). I even moved the link on my own blog to the very bottom of my page to kind of hide it. I think I'm going to leave it there for a little while...just to give me some space to breath. I like the idea that maybe I'm only writing to myself or a few loyal readers. The idea of lots of people reading and analyzing my thoughts still kind of freaks me out...not that I ever had that many readers in the first place, but I'm okay with this fact. More than okay with it.

Because as I've mentioned in many a post, this blog was more an outlet for ME than anything else. And to be honest, I've been M.I.A from this blog for the past four months for a number of reasons. I got kind of "blogged-out"...the blogging bubble deflated a little and I was like "eh, whats the big deal?" Also, I've gone through a very uncreative period in my life. I haven't felt particularly witty or thoughtful or intellectual- therefore, I didn't feel the need to blog my daily thoughts of : "Life is good...it is what it is. I am happy. The end." This is the extent of how I felt most everyday- just good. Somedays were great, some weren't...but it was life.

So, let me tell you why I'm back...nothing great or bad happened to make me resume blogger life from my little hiatus, but I did notice the "little things". ( Isn't that always the case?? How many times have we heard the phrase- 'It's the little things...'?) I noticed a lull in productivity during my day. I noticed I had less of a "routine". I noticed that I wasn't thinking very deeply anymore. Mostly just on Sundays. :) I noticed that all the things I had written about previously "patience, humility...etc." crept back in my life to a point that I just didn't feel as, well...strong. I guess the "Finding Strength" thing only works if you keep looking for it. Otherwise, it should be called "Losing Strength"- and I think that would be a VERY depressing topic for a blog indeed.

This is why I'm back- because I really enjoyed the personal reflection time...and I can't say I even know how often it will be. It may be four hours, it may be four months- in between posts. But, I know that for me, it will be here when I need it. When I was more religious about blogging, I looked forward to it. I actually woke up early to devote the time to it- which set the tone for my day. I actually studied the topics and learned each morning, to which I began the day with a skip in my step, instead of a groggy, cranky mom moping around the house in my pajamas unhappily marching to the demands of my two year old to get her, her "waffle and choca milk".

Basically, I pretty much liked myself better when I was a Finding Strength blogger- just because I knew I was devoting time to working on myself to make myself a better person. To sit back and pretend like that kind of progression doesn't matter to me, is denying the obvious.

Hmmm-well, let's do a gut check. Do I feel better about myself yet? A little more accomplished today? And the poll says-"uh-yeah, sure." Better than nothing.

Now on to my next accomplishment for the day-making dinner for my family. Sustenance is strength-finding strength in my freezer in the form of frozen turkey meatballs and pasta counts too.

See you soon...

Not On My Watch

Quick thought of the day:

"The first principle of the gospel is faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. Faith means trust—trust in God's will, trust in His way of doing things, and trust in His timetable."
Dallin H. Oaks, "Timing," Ensign, Oct. 2003, 12

So often, we are so busy trying to make things happen for us, conveniently on the time table that we would like for things to happen, that we forget to have faith and trust in the Lord. There have been many times in my own life and in the lives of those I love that I have wondered, "Why has this not happened yet?" or "Why is this happening now?" At the time, it feels like a different outcome or scenario would be much more welcomed into our busy lives and that if things just ran smoothly according to OUR plan, life would be great!

Problem is, we dont' know the big picture. In the "Grand Scheme" of things, the Lord has the full view. We have but a tiny fraction of knowledge living in the present. We can hope for the future, we can plan for the future, but ultimately, we don't know exactly what will happen.

I was having a conversation with my friend a week or so ago. She is moving soon and we were talking about the housing market and buying a house. We agreed on how scary of a purchase it is to buy a house and one of us (can't remember who, we think so much alike) said something about how we can't imagine how people make decisions without first praying about them and consulting the Lord. Truly, I feel like if I did not have the faith to first ask the Lord and second trust him, I would not have so many of the blessings I have in my life and that I would probably be on a completely seperate path than I am on right now.

I thought I wanted to be married many times before I actually found the right one and GOT married. Thank HEAVENS for the Lord's plan and HIS timing!

At a time when I feel as though my life is blessed and at a good place, I know it is easy to say "trust in the Lord's timing". In times of trial is when we experience doubt and fear. I can't say that I've ALWAYS been able to see the big perspective amidst trying circumstances that have left me praying, "Why me? Why right now? Why can't it just work out?" It's a constant learning process to trust in the Lord and the process in which He guides us.

Each trial we are given is a refiners fire. Each time we put things into His hands and let Him guide us where He would have us go, we are strengthening our will to withstand the trials that come in this life. Because then we know...we know beyond a shadow of a doubt, that He will say, "I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you." John 14:18

And with that faith and trust in Him, there is no need to fear. "Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." John 14:27

Why Did I Start This Blog Again?

Back in August or so when I started this blog...I had reasons. I know I did....

....and those reasons were....


Wait, hang on. It's coming back to me. Okay...got it.

Sorry-got sidetracked from the point of this blog for a little bit.

This blog was the product of a personal search within myself. Hence, "FINDING STRENGTH WITHIN"! We had made some pretty big changes in our lives all at once, went through some trials and I was in one of those "re-vamping my spiritual routine" modes. If you are Mormon-or really any kind of devout member of a religion, you know what I mean. You know that we all go through our little phases. A "funk"...if you will; where we are REALLY good at something for a while and life is good, great, grand...and then, for some unbeknownst (I know thats a word and I also know that's not how you spell it. Whatever) reason, we stop or slack off. Well, this blogwas a way for me to use something I love (writing) to express something I love (the Gospel) and use it to share and receive that strength through others that may come across my humble little scribble. At the beginning, it was something I woke up and couldn't wait for. Everyday had a spiritual thought and opening to it; a little daily devotional and even if it was just for me and no one even read my musings, it didn't matter. It was so that I could remind myself of the strength that I have and can find through searching myself and the blessings of the Gospel.

Then, I entered the "High School" phase of my blogging experience. I started comparing myself to other cooler blogs. You know the kind. The kind where other blogs want to be like them, sound like them, wear the same cool background and layout as them. The kind that get hundreds of comments. The "Homecoming Queen" blog. The "Quarterback of the Football Team" blog. (Funny story- I married the quarterback and one of my best friends was the homecoming queen...nothing against the cool kids. I love them.) But anyway, I started thinking no one cared. Sure, I had friends that commented at first. My dad would say, "Hey, I read your blog. That was a nice post." Then it all kind of died down. And then I felt like no one wanted to sit at my table in the lunchroom.

Okay, okay...before you either feel bad and write a sympathy comment or judge me and think I'm a loser that I even cared- STOP-I'm SO not even saying that. I realized first of all, that again, that wasn't the point of this blog for me. I realized that because of my laziness with my blogging devotionals, I had stopped replenishing my supply of strength that I needed in the first place. I was the one that had left my own blog sitting alone in the lunchroom. I knew it was there. It was like my scriptures that sit on my night stand and sometimes don't get opened. I know they are there. I feel good that at least they are there, and not in a drawer somewhere NEVER getting opened, but really, what good does it do me to have them just sit there?

So then I contemplated deleting the blog. "I'll just write in my journal", I thought. (Although for some reason, typing up a blog seems a lot more free flowing then writing in a journal. Maybe because my hand gets tired from all the writing and because journals are so awkward to write in-seriously, whoever invented the spiral bound kind was a genious.) But then, after thinking about the journal, I decided to check my "Live Feed" down at the very bottom. It kind of monitors the traffic I get on my blog. And I realized, while my blog was being visited about as often as you visit the dentist, I was okay with that. I am okay with everyone coming in for their 6 month check up. Hey, at least we're all checking in on each other and sharing a little hope and strength, right?

Something I also realized, was that some people I don't know (and some people I do know) have linked my blog to theirs. (I love you by the way...that means so much to me. You don't even know). There are a handful of you that actually do care when I update my blog. Again...I really love you. I appreciate all of you-commenters or not. While I would love, love, LOVE to hear from you, that's not the point of it. It's not a popularity contest. It's not a judged paper. I don't need praise (or criticism-whichever is offered). My only favor I ask...is that if you have some insightful thought or spiritual strength you could share, spread the wealth. If not, feel completely free to continue to peruse as usual.

One last thing I noticed, was that my blog comes up on some of the COOLEST searches. People searching for "STRENGTH" PEACE"..."HOPE"..."LAUGHTER"..."LOVE"...etc. This feed thing actually shows what someone typed in to the search that led them to my blog. It made me realize that ALL different types of people, from ALL over the world, from I'm sure MANY different religions, all share the same desire. To find strength. Somehow. And so, if my blog is going to pop up on a search for someone that may need something that was written, maybe a quote I posted from a General Authority or something, why would I want to remove that tool? What would I do, if all the blogs and websites that I go to took it all away? Just because they felt insignificant.

And you know what, I may be totally insignificant in the eyes of the blogging world. I, am like, lowest on the totem pole of blogging, I'm sure. But I just realized tonight, that I DON'T CARE.

It's not for popularity. It's not to win the "BEST BLOGGER EVER" award. And it's not to be anything great to anyone. I would NEVER claim that anything I have to say has done anything remotely close to touching or changing someones life. But...one EVER knows how they may affect another.

For example, a very nice bystander at a make up counter stopped me today and said, "I'm sorry. This may sound really weird, but you have gorgeous skin." I almost cried. Especially because I had almost no face make up on and what seemed like pitch black circles under my eyes. It was such a touching thing for me that someone cared enough about a stranger to give them a kind compliment. She did not have to tell me that. She was not a salesperson...just a shopping bystander. She touched my life-even but for a small moment, in a small way. What if she hadn't said that? Yeah, life would be life...but she shared a little bit of her strength, with me. And it was inspiring.

So, I guess my point is, I'm gonna keep doing this. For me, mostly...and then after that, who knows. But whatever it is, I know that my intentions are to strengthen myself to be a better person and if some measly little thing I may write, or an awesome quote from someone great that I may post, makes someones day a little brighter, I am HONORED to have been a part of that.

To wrap it all up, thank you. Thank you if you are reading this. Thank you if you are just reading this for the first time. Thank you if you've read my blog before. Thank you for taking the time to share your strength with me by reading the things that are in my heart.

It means the world.

Today

I'm sure you've all heard the saying, "Today is a gift, that's why it's called the present."

I truly believe this and that's why today, on the eve of a brand new year, I am choosing to refocus myself on working on things day by day. From my favorite quoting book, Stand A Little Taller:

"And now, Israel, what doth the Lord thy God require of thee, but to fear the Lord thy God, to walk in all his ways, and to love him, and to serve the Lord thy God with all they heart and with all they soul. ~Deuteronomy 10:12

'I don't worry too much about the future, and I don't worry very much about the past. The past is gone, and you can't change it, you can't correct it. The future, you can anticipate, but you can't necessarily do ver much about it. It is the present you have to deal with. Reach out for every good opportunity to do what you ought to do.' ~Gordon B. Hinckley "

Each and every new day comes with its opportunities. We must learn to grasp that time and use it wisely, because that is one thing that cannot be saved and cherished. It goes by so quickly that before we know it, it has been days, weeks, months and years...and all of lifes opportunities are passing us by. And while there is always another day, there is no time like the present. I quoted this already on my personal blog, but I love it, "Today is tomorrow."

I am grateful for each fresh new day that I am able to wake up and have life. I am grateful that I have the blessing of freedom and opportunity, that I can accomplish anything that I set my mind to.

So my challenge to myself...and anyone else who wants it, is to be grateful for each new day and make the best of it. Use it for good, use it to better ourselves, use it to touch the lives of others. Most importantly, as the scripture above states, spend each day walking in the ways of the Lord, loving and serving Him.

I hope you all have a fabulous New Year and make 2009 a year of love, joy, hope, peace...and fun!

Happy New Year!

Sanding the Layers

I took on a project...rather cockily, I might add. I was told while planning the project by a few different people (men) that I couldn't finish it in the time I wanted to.

Hmmm...we'll see about that one.

The aforementioned project was sanding down a painted table that was given to me, in order to restore it and have it match our living/dining area. My husband and I worked together to recover the chairs with some new fabric. That was the easy part.

On to the wood...I started with epoxy/paint stripping. P.S. That stuff REALLY stings when it touches your skin. I became an expert on the timing. It takes about ten seconds for the stinging to reach its high point and it stings at the high point for about ten seconds. Scratching, slapping, patting, shaking...etc., the area does not make it any better. You have to bear through the pain--or be smart enough not to keep getting it on yourself.

After stripping the paint and epoxy from the table and chairs, I started imagining a small side career in refinishing peoples old pieces of furniture. I mean, aside from the stinging spots all over, I was a pro after one day. ;)

The next day I started the sanding. My small side career turned into a "just for me and my family hobby" that I would take on every once in while. Maybe rummage some garage sales.

Then, I sanded....and sanded....AND SANDED. FOR DAYS! I could barely feel my hands after all of the vibration from the hand sander and was about ready to through it across the room on day 4 or 5.

ENTER MY RANDOM FOOD FOR THOUGHT...
Now, you may start wondering where in the heck I drew up these thoughts from this project, but you have to understand, when you are sanding for days on end, hours and hours a day, you have a lot of time to think about wood, (especially when you are blowing sand-dust out of your nose).

I started to think about how in the scriptures it talks about how to become more like Christ, we must become more like a little child. Meek. When you are a little child, you are stripped pretty bare to the bone. There aren't layers and layers and years of years worth of coating and protection. Much like this wood I was trying to restore back to it's newborn state, we put layers and layers atop ourselves to make us look better or protect us, as is human nature.

Whilst amid this project, I had a discussion with my husband and I realized that instead of letting him hear the bareness of my soul, I was coating it with layers of protection. Instead of things he was saying "soaking into my soul" or bare wood, it was bouncing off the layers I had put on. Layers such as pride and insecurity that made me easily provoked or offended and left me unable to humble myself and deaf to the things that he was saying.

Then I thought about that darn table and chairs. How frustrated I was with whoever had painted that table OVER and OVER without ever sanding it down. Without ever taking the proper care and preparation to restore it. It made it so much more difficult for me to accomplish my task, because no matter how deeply I sanded, I could not get to the root of my problem.

I realized in that discussion with my husband, that I did not want to be a stubborn, layer-coated table and chairs. I want to learn what I need to learn and protect and shield myself from those things that may harm or taint my body or soul, but I do not want to put on layers of unnecessary crap for people in my life to try to sand through. It's unfair and gosh darn it, it's annoying as all heck. Don't believe me? Go try sanding a painted table.

While its not an overnight transformation and the project may take as long as my dining set, I feel confident that if I sand down my layers one at a time, I can become a better person and maybe a little more like my Savior.

Leave it to me to read WAY too much into a silly project, but I learned a lot from my little project.

And for those of you who care to know how it turned out...the plan was to sand it down and stain the wood a dark brown almost black wood color. After realizing that the table and chairs were made from two different woods AND that my endless sanding job still turned out to not be enough as the stain did not cover spots that still held paint, we ended up painting a LAYER of black.

So, please disregard the ending of my LITERAL story. It doesn't really fit with my ANALOGY....

...but you get my point, right? :)

And had I had to keep on sanding that puppy, there would have been a sander thrown through the wall.

P.S. Restoring will never be a career nor hobby for me. That dream ended shortly after day 2 of sanding began.

My Cup Runneth Over

"When you are on your knees in prayer, there is an overwhelming feeling of gratitude to the Lord for the many blessings that he bestows on his children." ~L. Tom Perry

The past few weeks, I feel like the only place I should be is on my knees, in prayerful gratitude. My husband and I have had amazing experiences with fasting, prayer and the power of the priesthood, especially in the past few weeks. I have felt the Lord's hand in our lives, guiding and directing us.

Some days I wonder why I am so blessed in my life, as I feel undeservant...(and then I knock on wood). But, I've realized that the blessings that we recieve come with responsiblities. We must use those blessings to better our lives and the lives of others. We must be in tune enough to recognize when we are being blessed. And most importantly, we must show our gratitude to the Lord. When we make the choice to kneel in prayer and supplication to our Father in Heaven, the Spirit can more fully manifest to us just how truly blessed we are.

We just celebrated Thanksgiving, a holiday where we express the things we are most thankful for. We are entering into the "most wonderful time of the year", where it seems everyone is happy and in the mode of service and love. As I start to do my Christmas shopping and plan for the festivities, I am reminded of those who are less fortunate than I. There are some who didn't have a turkey and wonderful spread to eat on Thanksgiving. There are those that don't have anyone to spend the holidays with. There are even those who don't have anywhere to lay their heads on Christmas Eve. I am grateful that my husband and I have the ability to give our child and each other a Christmas. I am grateful that we have so much family in the area, that its not a matter of if we have somewhere to celebrate, its where and how we will divide up the time to be with everyone. I am grateful that I have the Gospel in my life to remind me of the reason for the season.

My list is endless, of the blessings the Lord has bestowed upon me. I will conclude with this...this season is the one time in the year where most of the world is united in a feeling of peace, happiness, joy and love. It's a time where everyone is giving of themselves to share the Spirit of Christmas with someone else. What better time then, to share of our blessings, in every capacity. Whether it be service, or friendship...an invite to a meal or party. A plate of cookies or serving at a shelter. Donated toys or clothes...singing a christmas carol or sending a card. The possibilities are endless. Most of all, let us share and emulate the love of Jesus Christ, who is the reason we celebrate this time of year. Let us show our family, friends and neighbors what makes us truly happy, not just in December, but the whole year through- The Gospel of Jesus Christ.

And before we lay our heads down to have "visions of sugar plums dancing in our heads"... let us kneel in gratitude and supplication, allowing the Spirit to remind us how truly blessed we are in our lives.

***I'd love to hear of some of your ideas of service and your families plans to "spread the Christmas cheer" this year. If you'd like to leave that in the comments section...we can all always use new ideas! Thanks!***

If I don't write about this, I may explode...

I have read many a blog in the past week on this subject. For many who have read this blog, or this blog, or this blog, or just others like unto it, much of this will probably be repetitive. (girls...hope its okay I linked you...I was inspired by your posts).

I wasn't even going to touch on this subject. Mostly because it has been well said in so many places, that I don't feel I can add much to it, but if I don't write about this topic, I'm afraid I couldn't write at all right now. Because really, this has been whats on my mind the past week. So, touch on it, I must. At least just to get it out of my head and move on!

I live in California. A week ago today, Californians voted on a very important and controversial proposition.


8.


This number has come to mean so much in the past few months. An annoying coincidence that it happens to rhyme with the word HATE. It's given the opposing side to this proposition a catchy rebuttal for those of us who supported it.

We had been told that even if the proposition passed, that the battle would just be beginning. I had no idea what that meant, until the day after it passed and the insults hit the fan. They spewed every which way. The 52% of California that believed the union of "marriage" should be defined between a man and a woman, have now been called everything from "intolerant" to "bigots". Even more so, religions have been singled out for their support.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints...my church, has been the bulls-eye of the mud-slinging targets. Through efforts coordinated by its members and NOT its leadership, the members of our church donated money in support of the proposition directly to the cause, mostly via protectmarriage.com. None of the moneys raised came directly from the church. The money that was used was donated solely for that purpose by individuals and families. Unfortunately, this has been gravely misunderstood by the opposing view. Nonetheless, the strong backing for this proposition from my church, whether it be through volunteering time and energy, or speaking with our friends and neighbors, has angered No on 8 supporters.

Honestly, it's understandable. They were the opposition. Of course it would make them unhappy. This, I totally get.

What I don't get, is how people who have claimed that they are fighting against hate, intolerance and singling out of groups, have done just that as their rebuttal to the tight loss. Like my friend said on her blog, sings of "Stop the Hate" next to signs of "Mormons (or Catholics, or whatever) Suck!" is truly confusing.

And honestly, I completely sympathize with why they are upset. They feel that something that was important to them is taken away. They want to get what they voted affirmatively for. Unfortunately, for all of us, that is not the way it works. Not everything or everyone that I voted for passed or was elected. It is upsetting. I'm still very saddened that while chickens have the right to "get their exercise", the rights of unborn children are put into hands of teenagers who as my other friend said it, "can't legally get a Tylenol from school, but can have an abortion." However, it's a fight that I lost. And while I will continue to believe how I believe and vote the way that mirrors my beliefs, I have to respect that I live in America and a democracy in which I was outnumbered.

I don't expect opposing members not to fight. I expect that they will continue to stand up for what THEY believe in. Because I will continue to do the same.

However, I do not believe any feelings of frustration, disappointment, anger...whatever, warrant what has been happening to our sacred places of worship. Our buildings have been vandalized, our holy temple grounds trampled upon and barricaded with protesters. However, "peaceful" and "respectful" the protest, that is not the place, and it will never be respectful. There was a protest at the State Capitol recently. Great place for it, in my book.

Not the temple. Not our sacred houses of worship. First of all, because the Mormon vote made up 2% of the Yes vote, and secondly, because to me, that's like us coming to your bedroom where you make your private decisions about your sexual preference, and protesting what you believe to be right.

Nor do I believe the physical threats are warranted. It is not fair for people to say things like, "Mormon's better watch their backs." There are websites out there with very physical threats on different religions that have supported the proposition. This is no more okay than someone saying that "Gays or Lesbians or Bisexuals or Trans genders better watch their backs". Such threats, no matter the group or motive, is EVER okay. To quote the No on 8 slogan... "It's unfair. It's unnecessary. It's wrong."

I have love for people. I love a lot of people that I disagree with. There are lifestyle choices aside from sexual preference that I don't agree with, but I love the people nonetheless. I have many friends who do not agree with my religious views whatsoever. Some of them have even been members of my faith and chosen to leave, and yet, our friendships and love remain, despite the vast differences in our beliefs. We likely voted very differently this election, but we love and respect each other nonetheless. And that is the meaning of true tolerance. To be able to respect others for their beliefs, views and feelings...and respect the system. We can't reject the system of our government just because some things don't go in our favor. That is life. That is America. And we will keep on believing what we believe, and respectfully fighting for what we believe in.

I respect, that those who voted No on 8 will continue to fight for what they believe in. I only pray that they can respect me for fighting what I believe in.

I do realize though, that no amount of "Christian bloggers" is going to change anyone's mind on this. We need only stand tall for what we believe and continue to be respectful of others.

"Thou shalt not speak evil of thy neighbor, nor do him any harm."~ Doctrine and Covenants 42:27

President Gordon B. Hinckley said, "As a church, we are not without critics, some of whom are mean and vicious. We have always had them, and I suppose we will have them all through the future. But we shall go forward, returning good for evil, being helpful and kind and generous. Let us be good people. Let us be friendly people. Let us be neighborly people. Let us be what members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints ought to be."

Not only do we need to be respectful and understanding of others...to stand up and be examples of light and truth, but we must understand that opposition is part of this life.

Spencer W. Kimball- "No pain suffered by man or woman upon the earth will be without its compensating effects if it be suffered in resignation and if it be met with patience."

Concerning this quote, Lloyd D. Newell wrote this in his book, Come, Listen to a Prophets Voice, "While wrongfully imprisoned in Liberty Jail, the Lord taught the Prophet Joseph that followers of Christ are not promised freedom from tribulation but strength to endure all things: 'My son, peace be unto thy soul;thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high....All these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good' (D&C 121:7-8;122:7). Life is a school, and part of that education is hardship. Elder Spencer W. Kimball taught: 'Being human, we would expel from our lives, sorrow, distress, physical pain, and mental anguish and assure ourselves of continual ease and comfort. But if we closed the doors upon such, we might be evicting our greatest friends and benefactors. Suffering can make saints of people as they learn patience, long-suffering, and self-mastery. The sufferings of our Savior were part of his education."

So, although painful as it is to see the Gospel that I love, the buildings that I seek sanctuary in and the people that I worship with, under fire for standing up for our beliefs...that is what we will endure, because it is part of life. It is part of our education and we will be stronger for it.

And not only must we turn the other cheek, but we are required to forgive those who have trespassed against us...

"We cannot repent for someone else. But we can forgive someone else, refusing to hold hostage those whom the Lord seeks to set free!" ~Neal A. Maxwell

"It has been said that lack of forgiveness toward another is akin to consuming poison and waiting for the other person to die. Vindictiveness and hardheartedness stifle spiritual growth and happiness. On the other hand, nothing enlarges the soul more than genuine forgiveness and compassion. The Lord's directive is : 'Ye ought to forgive one another; for he that forgiveth not his brother his trespasses standeth condemned before the Lord; for their remaineth in him the greater sin. I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men'(D&C 64:9-10). The Lord who is perfectly merciful, knows our hearts as well as the hearts of every offender. And since we all walk imperfectly before the Lord, we all need mercy. If we wish to be forgiven and draw upon the Atonement, we must forgive. Forgiveness is the greatest gift we can give others- and ourselves."~Lloyd D. Newell

And with that, I understand why I personally needed to write this. I personally needed to understand that I need to forgive those that call me names and trample upon my beliefs. I will continue to stand up for what I believe and hope that we always have the freedom to live in a country where individual feelings and beliefs are still recognized, respected and allowed.

God bless all of us. As Americans, as people, as children of God, we are one in the same.

Forgetting to Remember

I missed this blog. I missed it so much, that I kind of forgot to think about it. Not a good thing for me, which means right now I probably need it more than ever. For me, like I said when I started it, the blog was to reflect on my spirituality daily. It helped me to remember the things that are important and focus on those on a daily basis.

But, I am back...so thats a good sign for me.

Actually, things have just been a little out of the ordinary. My brothers best friend passed away two weeks ago, and I was very reflective at that point about the Plan of Salvation and life after death. Everytime I thought about writing a post, I came up very short in being able to express my feelings of gratitude for such a plan.

Also, we had a family vacation and a holiday and it seems every time I've felt like I want to sit down and reflect (a.k.a. write my blog) I've been distracted. And it's okay, because life happens. What's not okay, is that I don't feel like my mindset has been the same without my blog reflections. So, here I am today, picking back up where I left of, and feeling a surge of the Spirit roll over me like a wave.

Another distraction was my birthday...and for my birthday one of my sweet sister-in-law's gave me a Sheri Dew book. I LOVE Sheri Dew. I've read a number of her books and I really relate to her style of "straight-forward writing". The particular book I was given is called No One Can Take Your Place. My sister-in-law thought of me when she read the inside cover, she said. I can completely understand why. Let me pull a few lines for you,

"Have you ever wondered if you're doing what you're supposed to be doing with your life?...Or, like most of us, maybe you have those days when you just don't see how you'll ever measure up. (This book) will help you catch a glimpse of the power our Father in Heaven wants you to have. It will help you learn how to lay hold upon that power, how to overcome the temptations that stand in the way of your happiness, and how to shine as a leader in the world. It will help you understand who you really are...True happiness comes from doing what we were meant to do. This book will motivate you to find out what that means for you; it will also inspire you to carry out your unique work on the earth, for truly, no one can take your place!"

I would venture to say that I am not the only one that sometimes feels like a "face in the crowd", wondering just how she/he will affect the world. Sure, I understand that I am directly affecting my family and loved ones, but there are points in time where I wonder if I am truly fulfilling my mission here upon the earth. I try very hard to take each step in my life, following the guidance of the Spirit but there are those moments that I stop and think, "Am I where I am supposed to be? Doing what I am supposed to be doing?" I've only read the first few chapters of this book so far, but I am already grateful for the guidance and inspiration it has provided me.

Sheri talks about identifying our "God-given attributes we all have that we need to awaken within ourselves if we are going to do what we have been sent here to do- attributes such as faith, knowledge, obedience, purity, integrity, a clear sense of identity, and courage."

She then goes on to explain each attribute, why it is necessary and what we can do to recognize it within ourselves. I appreciated this list, and looked at it almost as a score card that I measured myself upon. I thought of the areas that I am doing pretty well in, and honed in on areas that I need to work on. Each area is vital and important and plays a part in recognizing our worth and importance in the sight of God, and as a messenger of His in these latter days.

As I mentioned above, the thing I love about Sheri Dew is how straight forward she is. She has been more straightforward in this book so far than I've noticed in any other book. When talking about the attribute, INTEGRITY, she sites a wonderful example of when the Lord asked Eve about what had happened when she was beguiled by Satan, ..."she immediately acknowledged what she had done and accepted the consequences. She didn't lie. She didn't pout. She didn't get defensive. She didn't blame Adam. What humility and integrity..."

For me, this shed a whole new light upon integrity. Most of us would not classify ourselves as "liars". Generally, I'd like to think we all tell the truth. But integrity is more than just truth...it is humility and willingness to take full responsibility for our actions. It is being transparent in our words, our actions, our intentions....everything, so as to not deceive.

Within this section she talks about Satan and shunning him"...like the snake that he is...". Here is where her straightforwardness really hit home for me...she said, "Forsaking Satan may mean changing things. It may require changing wardrobes or changing channels or changing attitudes or changing habits or changing lifestyles or even changing friends, because it's not possible to to sort of dress modestly or kind of tell the truth or act with integrity most of the time,or almost be morally clean. Nine percent tithing isn't tithing, it's a donation."

Whoa. That paragraph slapped me in the face. It doesn't matter in which "important areas" I have forsaken Satan. Yes, generally, I have forsaken him. But that is not good enough. Have I completely forsaken him? I would have to admit that with a resounding NO. I wish I could say that I have...but do I always change the channel when I need to? And this is just one small example. While we are not expected to be perfect we are instructed to progress towards perfection. Sheri wrote, "The object of this life is not to become perfect. Could we all just pledge to give that up once and for all! But it is to become increasingly pure, which will eventually lead to perfection."

Perfection almost seems too broad to even comprehend. It not only to me means free from sin, but also have I done all that I was meant to do? This is why I appreciate Sheri Dew's clarification of becoming increasingly pure, so much. It makes clear sense.

Webster's dictionary defines the word pure as this-

(1): unmixed with any other matter (My translation- of one purpose and focus).

(2): free from dust, dirt, or taint (My translation- sin)

Basically, pure is clean. Clean is understandable. Clean is a process...but clean is attainable.

Everyday will be a battle for it. If there is one thing I've learned, it's that everything I think I've learned, has to be applied everyday in order to maintain the affect. The Gospel isn't a video game where if you accomplish a certain level, that you've passed it on and no longer need to return to the basics of the game. Every day, these processes must be visited and built upon in order to continue to learn and progress.

The scary thing about forgetting...is that Satan loves to work with the forgetful. He has a way of keeping us from forgetting to remember that we forgot...(haha it makes sense if you think about it enough. )

I've spent more time recently forgetting than remembering. I am overwhelmed when I think of all of the blessings in my life that I so easily forget about and the Spirit that I feel when I am in a mode of gratitude and rememberance. I'm grateful for the opportunity to be reminded and renewed.

Because if I don't remember why I am here and what I am here to do, then what is the point?

Joy in the Journey

Everywhere we go, we hear talk of change. A new president, either party promising change. Changes that hopefully will help our failing economy. Changes in our personal lives...our jobs, our relationships, our health, our financial status, our home...and the list could continue forever. Because there is nothing so constant in life, as is change.

Our current Prophet, President Thomas S. Monson spoke in our General Conference address last weekend about change. That is the inspiration for this post, as it has been on my mind since hearing him speak, and in the last few days numerous friends and family members have brought up this talk in conversation with me. I have been impressed that its something I really need to learn and understand.

President Monson said, "Throughout our lives, we must deal with change. Some changes are welcome; some are not. There are changes in our lives which are sudden, such as the unexpected passing of a loved one, an unforeseen illness, the loss of a possession we treasure. But most of the changes take place subtly and slowly."

Not one person is exempt from the inevitability of change. We are not alone in dealing with it...and we owe much of who we are, what we have and who we will become, to change. Without it, we could not learn and progress.

"Day by day, minute by minute, second by second we went from where we were to where we are now....Time never stands still; it must steadily march on, and with the marching come the changes." ~ President Monson

Each and every second...life is happening and if we think about how short this life really is, we would not want to waste any more of it. President Monson admonished, "Find joy in the journey- now."

He also quotes a line from the musical, The Music Man, “You pile up enough tomorrows, and you’ll find you’ve collected a lot of empty yesterdays.”

When I think of that line, it makes me think about how much of a procrastinator I can be. How often I tell myself, "One day." And how a lot of the time, that day has not come and probably will never come. Especially at my young age, I know I look toward the future a lot of the time to give me the things I wish for. And while I think it is wise to always be looking to the future and planning for things to come, we shouldn't be gazing off wistfully waiting for the future to happen. Before we know it, the future will be our past and we will have missed out on many of life's greatest gifts and treasures, looking for the ones we thought lay ahead for us in the future.

"There is no tomorrow to remember if we don’t do something today." ~ President Monson

Much of finding joy in our journeys has to do with learning from our past, but not dwelling on it. Especially upon things we cannot change. The other day I was looking at all of my daughters baby pictures. She'll be two next month...and I'm sad. I'll never have her as my little baby again. The thought brings tears to my eyes and I don't ever want to let her go. But, that change is inevitable. Dwelling on these unchangeable details will do nothing but cause me unnecessary sorrow. I need to relish in her adorable two-year-old-ness. I need to take advantage of my opportunities to teach her, love her, kiss her, hug her, cuddle her, read to her, play with her...etc. Because if I don't, I know I will blink and she will be 18 and ready for her own life.

Life is stressful. There is so much to think and worry about all the time. So much so, that a lot of the time we don't take the necessary opportunities to show love to others. Families pressed for time constraints due to extra curricular activities, meetings, homework, TV shows, etc... don't always take the time to have dinner with one another, talk and express the love they have for each other. While all of those things have their time and place in life, the importance of these relationships and the necessary time and effort needed to cultivate them, far outweighs any other obligations. Wrote William Shakespeare, “They do not love that do not show their love.” And President Monson added, "We will never regret the kind words spoken or the affection shown. Rather, our regrets will come if such things are omitted from our relationships with those who mean the most to us...Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved."

No one wants to feel the regrets of it being too late to share how you felt. Said author Harriet Beecher Stowe, “The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone.” If we can't find the time to find the joy in our relationships with our loved ones, nothing else we do in this life will be worth anything. It's like the parent who goes to work all day to support their family, yet exhausts themselves beyond a point of functioning when returning home. While it is necessary to feed, clothe and shelter your family, it is just as necessary to nurture them with your love and presence. Family relationships, more than any other kind of relationship, must be cultivated. No amount of money will buy back the lost time and experiences.

We wait, everyday, anticipating change. I do it very much so myself. I love having something to look forward to. I don't think this is a bad thing, but only as long as it is within balance. We should look to the future for hope, but we should relish in our daily lives and be grateful for each day we are living. Things that I do today ARE the future. Today and now is the future of my life and they make a difference. And for this, I must be grateful.

President Monson also discussed the importance part gratitude plays in our lives. We must recognize and show our gratitude for the blessings in our lives. Blessings sometimes manifest themselves in ways we would not expect. I always think about this when I'm running late due to circumstances beyond my control, like red lights or a traffic jam. I think about how frustrated I am with being late, but that perhaps it is a blessing and the Lord is protecting me from an accident that could have happened. This is an extreme example, but I think we need to look more at our lives and the blessings within them. Always waiting for something bigger and better to happen is a slap in the face to the Lord who has blessed us so greatly. Unfortunately, sometimes we never understand how greatly blessed we are, until we lose it.

There is no time left in my life for complaint. There is no time left for waiting for things to happen. Inevitably, sorrows will come. We will all encounter trials in life...some that will seem unbearable. Somehow, we have to strive to find joy in the journey of it all.

I have a blessed life. One in which I can't even begin to understand how I was lucky enough to be given. I have led a joyous journey thus far and look to continue to find the joy in my everyday life.

One of my favorite quotes is from President Hinckley, "Life is to be enjoyed, not just endured." This quote sits on a plaque in my kitchen. It reminds me everyday that the Lord meant for me to find joy in this life. He has done his part in blessing me with those joys...it is then left up to me to find them and joy in them. My part is the easy part.

Change is inevitable and change is hard. Change is what makes this journey of life, life. And my goal is to find joy in that journey.

Be A Little Better

I just heard something someone said about me. It wasn't a good thing. Hearing it really stunk and hurt my feelings. Granted this person I'm sure never meant for me to hear, but that's a whole other story about making sure people we talk to are trustworthy. Nonetheless, you never like to hear when someone has something bad to say about you. It's inevitable that not everyone is always going to like you. The reality probably is, that people talk behind our backs more often than we think. Maybe I'd rather it have stayed behind my back than staring me in the face. Or then again, maybe not...



...because once I got over the initial reaction of defensive mode, and the "how dare you...you barely know me..." blah, blah...it actually really made me go inward and think. And I'm talking, I was getting ready in my bathroom and I caught my reflection in the mirror gazing off into oblivion forever. It really made me think about my character and who I am. After all, the comment wasn't even like, "she's ugly....or fat...or has a big nose"...in fact I almost felt like I'd welcome that comment first before one on my character. I came to the realization within myself that I was generally not what this person had said about me. Also, as is human nature, I talked to people who genuinely care for me and know me better than anyone, not to mention, the people that would "tell it to me like it is". Again, it was confirmed that generally I was not this way.



However, what I came to grips with, within myself, was that I had tendencies to be what this person accused at one point or another. I definitely have the capacity within me to be a lot of things...I am, after all, human. So, I came to the conclusion that however far stretched this comment was, there could be some truth to it and I could be better. Not for this person, not for anyone else, but for me and the Lord.



This experience has made me realize that I want to be able stand up and be a little bit better than I was before. There is always room for improvement and I wanted to take this negative experience and use it as motivation to be a better person.



All of this introspective thinking coincided nicely with Conference weekend, where I was able to hear a lot of great counsel on things that I wanted to work on. I feel a lot of peace and hope when I think of the Saviors Atonement, and the opportunity that it gives me everyday to wake up and be just a little bit better than I was the day before. The point is, that I have to take those opportunities, press forward and CHOOSE to be better. And the Lord has promised that this peace will multiply ten fold if we make those small efforts:

"Be of good comfort, be of one mind, live in peace; and the God of love and peace shall be with you." ~ 2 Corinthians 13:11

President Hinkcley said on this matter: "We are all this together, all of us, and we have a great work to do.
Every teacher can be a better teacher than he or she is today.
Every officer can be a better officer than he or she is today.
Every father can be a better father.
Every mother can be a better mother.
Every husband can be a better husband, ever wife a better wife, every child a better child.
We are on the road that leads to immortality and eternal life and today is a part of it. Let us never forget it."

I can actually now say I am grateful for what I heard. I hold no malice for the person who said it. As I said, I don't feel this person, who is a good person, would have ever wanted me to hear what they said. It's funny how the same things in life that can tear us down and have the capacity to lead towards negativity also have the ability to be those things that mold and change us into better people. It all depends on perspective and how we use these experiences in my life.

Wow, if I think about all the negative situations I've been in, in this capacity, I can't imagine the amazing lessons I might have learned, while instead I dwelt on them as purely negative experiences. I have a lot to make up for.

And I'm going to start with trying to be a little better...today.

LDS General Conference

I have just finished listening to the 1st session this morning of our semi-annual General Broadcast for the church I belong to, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. For those of you who don't know what this conference is, its a conference in the months of April and October in which we receive counsel, inspiration, guidance and direction from the leaders of church. Our loving prophet, the Lords apostles, and other general leadership of the church. It's something that I look forward to so greatly and when I heard the Mormon Tabernacle Choir singing, "High On The Mountain Top" at the opening of the session, my eyes welled with tears, soley because of my gratitude for my knowledge of the Gospel and the fact that I have been blessed to have always had it in my life. Definitely throughout my life General Conference has been something I have taken for granted, but I just am so grateful that our loving Father in Heaven has allowed us the opportunity to participate in this wonderful conference, and in a time of such gloom and despair, feel our faith and hopes renewed.

So, with that, my only message today is that I invite you, if you aren't already, to listen to the messages of this conference. You can do so by viewing it on TV. It's broadcasted on the BYU channel (which is 374 for DirecTV...I'm unsure of other companies), on public service channels, livestream over the internet at WWW.LDS.ORG or at any LDS church building. Transcripts and video clips of this conference will also be available for reading and viewing after this conference on the church website within the days following the conference.

This conference is for THE WORLD, not only for the current members of our church. This post is soley an invitation to find strength within something that fills my soul with strength beyond words.