How many times a day do you look in the mirror at your reflection? I'm not just talking about your bathroom mirror when you're getting ready...there's the car mirror, reflective windows at the store, each time you use the bathroom, etc. And what are we looking for? To see if we look presentable to the world. To make sure our hair is in place, our make up is still there and our outfit isn't sticking in the wrong places so we don't look fat...and the list goes on. Obviously the desire to look acceptable and appealing is in human nature, and we should care about our physical appearance enough to take care of ourselves, our health and our hygiene. However, we all know that in our society, especially for women, there is a huge pressure to look perfect. Whatever that is?? Size 2, size 10?? Blond, brunette? Short hair, long hair? This kind of pressure is a never ending cycle of self doubt and low self esteem, because no one is ever going to be the most beautiful, the most fit, the best dresser. It's impossible, yet we all keep trying. Now, there is nothing wrong with wanting to look good, unless we are wrapping up our looks in our own self worth.
As a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, I know that I am a beloved daughter of heavenly parents. I have been taught such since I was a young sunbeam, as have many of you. Why then, is it so hard for us to get it through our thick, painted, dyed and hair sprayed heads?? Just kidding...well, kind of. But seriously, myself included, we don't think enough about our divine characteristics of being a daughter of God.
What got me thinking about this was the Visiting Teaching Message this month. I was in charge of the lesson this month in my companionship and it made me really study and think about the message which is called, "Each Sister is a Beloved Daughter of Heavenly Parents and has a Divine Destiny."
First of all we have to understand what that means. President James E. Faust explains it well. "A conviction that you are a daughter of God gives you a feeling of comfort in your self-worth. It means that you can find strength in the balm of Christ. It will help you meet the heartaches and challenges with faith and serenity" ("What It Means to Be a Daughter of God," Liahona, Jan. 2000, 123; Ensign, Nov. 1999, 102). If we truly understand this concept of being literal offspring of Deity, then we should be comforted in knowing we are of infinite worth, and with that knowledge we can take life's challenges head on.
We then have to decipher in and of ourselves, what exactly our individual divine destiny is, and what tools we have been blessed with to achieve that destiny. President Spencer W. Kimball said, "All of you need to drink in deeply the gospel truths about the eternal nature of your individual identity and the uniqueness of your personality. You need, more and more, to feel the perfect love which our father in Heaven has for you and to sense the value he places upon you as an individual. Ponder upon these great truths, especially in those moments when (in the stillness of such anxiety as you may experience as an individual) you might otherwise wonder and be perplexed" (Teachings of Presidents of the church: Spencer W. Kimball [2006], 222).
I don't know about you, but I have many moments where "in the stillness of anxiety", I am "otherwise perplexed" when it comes to understanding the "eternal nature of my individual identity and uniqueness of my personality". We tend to think that we are not important or that we have to conform to a certain way, or be like someone else, but we are told here, by a Prophet of God, that the Lord places much value upon us each individually. I, myself, question a lot of my personality traits and characteristics (all physical appearance issues aside. We're women, we know we all have them). Sometimes I've questioned why I am the way I am; why I have the personality I do. There are times when I've viewed certain attributes I have as a weakness, and other times, that same attribute as a strength. At times, I've let others lead me to believe that something that I think is a strength, is a weakness.
But, something that this lesson brought out for me, is that I need to look at these attributes and characteristics as what they are; divine tools. I was MEANT to be the way that I am. That doesn't mean I can't improve upon my weaknesses for the better, repent of my sins and change unrighteous ways. But, and I will say it again, I WAS MEANT TO BE THE WAY THAT I AM. Motor mouth and all. haha :) Because for some reason, that's who I need to be. My talents and strengths are rusty and jagged...I'm not even sure how I'm supposed to use them all of the time. But we are all in the refiners fire. We, as tools, are being shaped and formed into what He would have us become. He knows the big picture. He knows what lives we are going to touch, and why we are the way that we are. YOU WERE MEANT TO BE THE WAY YOU ARE! And don't let anyone ever tell you any differently.
Which leads me to a quick side note. Yesterday I was reading my thought for the day out of Gordon B. Hinckley's, Stand A Little Taller, and it coincided with this thought well.
"ESTEEM FOR OTHERS
Therefore, strengthen your bretheren (sisters) in all your conversation, in all your prayers, in all your exhortations, and in all your doings. -Doctrine and Covenants 108:7
Do not indulge in put-downs, in pessimism, in self recrimination. Never make fun at the expense of another. Look for virtue in the lives of all with whom you associate." - Gordon B. Hinckley
I think this thought goes hand in hand with understanding our own self worth and divinity. We have a responsibility to uphold each other and help each other, especially as daughters of God. I am guilty myself of pessimism, of put downs, of making fun of others. I pray that any of my selfishness has not affected any ones view of their own divinity. What a horrible conviction upon my head at judgement day if I have spent any of my time tearing others down and messing with their own views of their self worth. I know that we all know what it feels like to be made fun of for one reason or another, and that those feelings of insecurity and inadequacy are very hard to shake off. I'm ashamed that I've probably made someone else feel that way at some point or another.
I think as we begin to understand our own self worth, we feel better about ourselves, and less inclined to judge others or cut them down. It all goes in hand and hand. We help each other feel our individual worth and divine destiny.
So, ladies...let's go! Let's help build each other up for the fabulous women we all are. Inside and out! You go girls!
4 comments:
Wow! This could be a talk in Relief Society or something. A lesson so many of us (me, for example) need to hear. I think that often times when we say mean things about others it is our way of trying to make ourselves feel better about our own short comings, too bad it is at others expense. That’s not cool. I know there have been many times that people have said things to hurt me, sometimes intentionally, sometimes not, and there have been times when I have felt like someone was talking about me, you know, the quite talking, a quick look, then more quite talking or laughing. It hurts...bad. Because I know how bad it hurts I need to be more conscious to not let anyone else have to feel that way due to my words or actions. Including myself. I can be very hard on myself at times, thinking I'm fat, or I'm ugly, or I'm not smart enough, I'm not funny enough...or whatever. I dont think we are exempt from being a victim of put downs even when they are self-inflicted. Heavenly Father wants us to have self worth and confidence. I'm guessing that God finds it just as hurtful when we put ourselves down as when we put others down. That is something that I will admit I struggle with a lot. I am very critical of myself. Sometimes to the point that it will ruin my mood for the whole day. I will look in the mirror in the morning and think, ugg, I’m too this or not enough that to the point that I am depressed from tearing myself down. I'm glad you posted this. This is something I am going to try harder to work on, not being so critical of myself. I guess I struggle with the fine line between working to better myself and being overly critical. Maybe I just need to focus more on my strengths than my weaknesses. Because after all, I know for all my weaknesses I have a strength to match.
Stacy I am so glad that you posted on this! I think it is something that all of us struggle with...men included (even though they aren't as vocal about it as we are!) I think it is so difficult to rise above all of the negativity but I love how you said in the beginning of your post that we know who we are and it's still difficult! I feel that way all of the time! Every Sunday in YW we repeat that "We are daughters of our Heavenly Father..." And even then it's hard to look at myself in the mirror and notice all of the positive things! Thank you so much for this blog...it really is nice to read this and reflect on all of the positive things!
Stacy thank you so much for posting this. I REALLY needed to hear this message today. I'm really enjoying your thoughts on this blog and the quotes you share with us.
Sara, Brittany and Heather,
It's interesting that you all mentioned that you struggle with this and really needed to hear it! Isn't it amazing how we are SO not alone in this? Everyone of us deals with this issue, and its so important that we unite against it and KNOW that we are daughters of God and recognize within ourselves and each other, that we are here for specific and unique purposes, only to be fulfilled by our specific and unique talents! You girls are all awesome and beautiful and I hope that this post helped you to realize that even just a tiny bit more! Thanks for reading and commenting!
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